Tiger Woods is losing endorsements left and right. However, it appears there may be a new product for Tiger to endorse in the near future. The guys from Vivid Video (which makes adult films) apparently got a hold of a sex-tape featuring the world's greatest golfer.
The head of Vivid is a guy named Steven Hirsch. He's not sure if it's really Tiger in the video, but he says if it is indeed Tiger his first plan is to approach the golfer for a possible endorsement.
I'm not really sure if that will be the greatest phone call. I'm sure Hirsch won't get to Tiger directly, but I think he may be able to talk with Tiger's agent.
Here's how the conversation might go:
Agent: "Time is money. Life is a big sandtrap. Talk to me!"
Hirsch: "Howdy, this is Steven Hirsch and I'm actually very intersted in having Tiger do some endorsements for us."
Agent: "Really?! You know my client has had a rough patch lately and is losing clients every few days. However, I'm happy you see the value in Tiger and how his personal life isn't really that important when it comes to all the achievements he's made in the golf world. Yes, he made a mistake but let's be real. This country is all about making mistakes and then climbing back from the abyss to redeem yourself."
Hirsch: "Yeah. Well, I'm---
Agent: "I'm just so excited. I don't mean to go on and on but it's been so tough for us here at Camp Tiger. I mean did we really have to get dropped by finance, shaving and phones all in a matter of weeks?! I've got expenses too! I have to admit I may have gone a little overboard these last few years. How could I not? I'm friggin' Tiger Woods agent. Everything he touches usually turns to gold!!! How could I not buy myself a sports car or two or three or four? I'M TIGER WOODS AGENT! I'm not supposed to take a trip around the world twice in a private cruise ship? I deserve it! Is it asking too much to have all my clothes hand stiched in Italy by virgin seamstresses? Not sure why they had to be virgins, but it sounded cool and it only cost an extra $35-thousand dollars per shirt! Anyway, I need to calm down and take a breath. So what did you want Tiger to endorse?
Hirsch: "Actually this may not be such a great idea."
Agent: "No, dude. Come on! I have three people on my staff that are paid to make sure that when I go to a restaurant the table I'm eating at is set up just right. It's important. You know I have to have all my goldware lined up perfectly when I'm going to eat a meal.
Hirsch: "Did you say goldware? Don't you mean silverware?"
Agent: "Hey. Goldware is not that big of a deal. Tiger has platniumware."
Hirsch: "Okay. I still don't know if you'll like my idea."
Agent: "I already LOVE IT and I don't even know what it is."
Hirsch: Fine. We got a hold off a sex tape and Tiger may be the star."
Agent: " "
Hirsch: "Hello. Are you still there?"
Agent: " "
Agent: "Is he wearing his Nike hat?"
Hirsch: "I don't think so."
Agent: "Damn! I thought we could get some kind of cross promote, but we'll still take it."