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Jonathan Suttin

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The Last Straw

romotony-romo-and-jessica-simpsonDid you hear the news?  Tony Romo and Jessica Simpson are calling it quits!  I know!  The horror!  A good looking rich NFL quarterback and a beautiful blonde movie star, singer (sort of) can't make it work!  What hope is there for the rest of us? Apparently, Jessica was all ready to have a big birthday party and what's a party without a theme?   I sent an undercover reporter to find out more.  He was successful in becoming a butler for Jessica Simpson and was fortunate enough to hear the final conversation between Tony and Jess. Here is the transcript of that conversation: Jessica:  Hey Tony.  I have like a great like idea for my birthday party coming up.  You know, a theme for the whole night! Tony:  Oh @#$%!  I mean...oh that sounds great.  What are you thinking about doing because I have a suggestion.  How about we come dressed as adults going to a party. Jessica:  BORING!  Come on Tony Womy.  Don't you want to do something so cute and adorable? Tony:  Honey, I'm an NFL quarterback.  I'm supposed to act tough. Jessica: Loosen up you big baby!  I've got the perfect theme:  A Ken and Barbie party!  Isn't that awesome?! kenTony: Ummm....I'm going to dress up like a dude who is anatomically incorrect and wore a neck scarf in the early years! Now looks like he's  having a sexual identity crisis!  I mean check out what he looks like in this decade!  Hello sailor!  Nice t-shirt and puka shells. Jessica:  Come on it will be fun! Tony:  Yeah that will go over really well with my teammates.  I can't wait until we play the New York Giants...twice.  I'm sure there will be no pictures that fans can blow up into giant posters and taunt me on every road game. Jessica:  Honey, you need to be more confident in yourself and your manhood.  You shouldn't let all those strangers bother you. Tony: More confident in myself.  Good point.  I'm outta here. Jessica:  Wait!  How about we do a G.I. Joe theme instead!!!

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07/14/2009 2:11AM
The Last Straw
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