I just ran across an article about the world's oldest sports manual.Â Columbia University researchers found a wrestlingÂ instructional manual in Egypt dating back to 200 A.D.Â ItÂ mentions some of the moves still used in wrestling today like a headlock and underhooks.Â However, I don't think researchers took a close enough look at the document.
I think it is missing several key elements that makes wrestling great:
1) Ring girls.Â Let's be honest.Â One of the main reasons to watch wrestling is to see the girls in bathing suits holding up numbers telling us what round we're about to watch.
2) Costumes.Â Whether it's a crazy mask or a boa or shorts that are just a little too tight, every good wrestler has an outfit.
3) Swagger.Â Hulk Hogan is not great because he can wrestle.Â He's awesome because he can rip his own shirt off his chest quickly.
4) Endorsements.Â I would have never had the urge to buy a Slim Jim at the gas station without the help of the late Macho Man Randy Savage.Â This commercial has to make the original creators of wrestling proud.
Dying is easy, comedy is hard -- George Bernard Shaw's last words.Â Â Writing or saying something funny is really tough to do.Â Every morning Kitty and I will find stories and sometimes we come up with something funny to say, but other times...not so much.Â I used to get mad that I couldn't think of something funny to say each and every time.
This morning we chatted with Saturday Night Live's head writer and Weekend Update anchor Seth Meyers.Â He's coming to Madison tomorrow to perform stand-up at the Barrymore theatre.Â I asked him how many people are writing jokes for the Weekend Update segment.Â He told me he works with 3 other writers and they come up with about 500 jokes for the show and only about 15 of them are actually used.
I know he was exaggerating, but I'm sure it's still a lot of jokes.Â And let's be honest, not even all the jokes that do make it on the show are funny.
Wow.Â I guess this job is harder than I thought.Â Somehow that makes me feel better.
Listen to the interview here:
I recently saw an article about the new stadium the Florida Marlins will call home starting next baseball season.Â It is pretty spiffy and you don't even have to like baseball.Â One of the articles I saw says the park will have a beach and swimming pool named La Playa.
Yes.Â There will be an actual beach at the ballpark.Â There will be a huge food court as well as shop and other things to do besides watching baseball.Â It sounds to me like baseball is just one of the stops in the massive entertainment complex.
In fact, you don't even really ever have to watch the game at all.Â You can go hang out on the beach, go shopping and then stay in one of the hotel rooms in the park and never even get close to the game.
Honestly, it's a little sad.Â Baseball is still my favorite sport, but I understand some people find it boring.Â But maybe we don't need those people at the ballpark.Â I understand the idea is to get more people to the park and even if they don't watch the game, they still spend money and keep baseball alive for the purists like me who actually want to WATCH THE GAME. Â Â I'm starting to feel like baseball is that lame movie at the multiplex cinema that is shown once a night at 9:30pm in the smallest theatre possible.
Do you think there will be a day when they create distractions for the actual ballplayers and coaches so they're not too bored from the game.Â I can see it now:
Announcer:Â "There's a fly ball to left field.Â Left fielder Jeff Jones is there, but he's playing a game of skeet ball for tickets which he can redeem for prizes at the indoor carnival.Â I guess he won't be able to catch that ball."
One more thing,Â the Marlins' park will also have twin 600 gallon saltwater aquariums on both sides of the backstop.Â Â Don't worry the fish will be protected by bulletproof glass from foul balls, but there may be a bigger problem.Â Â The designers better think about creating some distractions for the fish!Â They're located right on the field and might be bored to death if they actually have to pay attention to the game!
I was never really athletic as a kid.Â I'm not exactly sure why.Â I'm on the short side, but I probably still could have played something. Â I didn't participate in any organized sports.Â Actually, I was in a bowling league in junior high and high school which solidifies the fact that I didn't take part in any organized sport as a kid.
I did join a kickball league here in Madison a few years ago, but would often feel pressure when those towering fly balls would come my way.Â However, I've found a sport that I think is right up my ally.
I talked about it on the air this morning and some listeners did play it in high school.Â However, it appears to be more of a game for those around 10 years old or 80 years old.Â I think I've found my niche.Â I may not be athletic, but I think I could still put up a pretty good showing against those two age groups.
Basically Pickleball is sort of like tennis, but you use wiffle balls, ping pong-like racquets and the nets are smaller.Â It's called Pickleball because they guy who invented it had a dog named Pickle that would chase after the ball.
I am dialed in and ready to play.Â Now I just have to cruise the old folks homes and elementary schools looking for a team!
Are you familiar with Madison musician Lucas Cates? He's been making music for several years and touring with his band all around the country. One of my favorite songs is 4everytime from an early album called Contradictory. Along with some real talent and a great attitude, Lucas looks a lot like Green Bay Packer quarterback Aaron Rodgers.
Although, I'm a Chicago Bears fan I have to admit I love this video. Check it out:
It's refreshing to read about someone who has become famous, but not crazy. The latest issue of British Vogue has a cover story about singer Adele. Her latest album "21" has been selling like crazy. She's touring the world and has millions of adoring fans, but appears to remain calm.
Lady Gaga has talent but also has a lot of "extras" when it comes to her image. Adele is the complete opposite. She isn't big on costumes or changing her look for the stage. Here are some highlights of the interview provided by the website Just Jared that prove you can rocket into stardom, but still remain grounded.
On her weight: "I've seen people where it rules their lives, you know, who want to be thinner or have bigger boobs, and how it wears them down. And I just don't want that in my life."
On pre-show jitters: "I puke quite a lot before going on stage. Though never actually on stage."
On the pressures to look a certain way: "It's just never been an issue—at least, I've never hung out with the sort of horrible people who make it an issue. I have insecurities of course, but I don't hang out with anyone who points them out to me."
On having kids one day: "Most of my friends are boys. Like, if I ever have children, I want five boys. Boys love their mothers whereas girls can be so mean to each other."
Amazing. She actually appears to "get it" at the ripe old age of 23. One more thing, she can really sing.
(Washington DC) - President Barack Obama's speech to a joint session of Congress on Thursday isn't really about job creation.
"America!Â Are you ready for some football?!" is all the President really wants to say, according to Chief of Staff Bill Daley.Â "He is really psyched up about this season.Â He was very disappointed the Chicago White Sox crapped out and expects big things from the Bears," Daley said.
Many expect the President to talk about the sagging economy and high unemployment while addressing Congress on Thursday prior to the start the first NFL regular season game between the Green Bay Packers and the New Orleans Saints.Â Obama had originally wanted to address Congress on Wednesday but was denied by Speaker of the House John Boehner.Â Â Many thought Boehner made the move because of a debate between Republican candidates for President scheduled for that night.
However, Boehner said it was simply because he had already slated WednesdayÂ night to catch up on Tosh.0 and Wipeout.
"Those shows are so funny they make my cry," said Boehner.
Meanwhile, the President seems pleased he will be the intro into Thursday Night Football.Â Daley says the plan is quite simple.Â "The President will walk into the House of Representatives and shaking hands with members of both parties while making his way to the podium .Â He then plans on giving both Senator Mary Landrieu of Louisiana and Senator Herb Kohl a high-five," Daley said.
"He'll probably do a little end-zone type of dance and then ask the crowd if they're ready for some football," Daley continued, "and then he'll look right at the camera and say 'Hey Green Bay F-U!'"
Experts think the move will improve Obama's poll ratings, except in Wisconsin.
Former President George Bush Has One Complaint About New Dick Cheney Book
(Dallas) In an exclusive interview with Triple M morning show host Jonathan Suttin, former President George W. Bush says he has one simple complaint about Dick Cheney's new book entitled In My Time.
"There really should be a lot more pictures.Â In fact, I wouldn't mind if there were a few pop-up sections in the book.Â You know,Â like in that goat book I was reading the kids back on 9/11," said the former leader of the free world.
When asked if he was upset with the way Cheney painted Former Secretaries Condoleezza Rice and Colin Powell, Bush simply said, "I didn't really get that far in the book.Â It's 576 pages!Â Come on, man!Â What are you my school teacher?!"
Can you hear that?
It's the collect sigh of kids in the Madison school district as summer is coming to a close. School starts again tomorrow so it's the last night of summer. Actually, tonight is a school night. So I guess summer really ended for those kids yesterday.
I always remember at the beginning of summer thinking about how much time I had and how there were so many things I wanted to do. Each year the summer went by too quickly and I always had a some regret that I didn't do more. Why didn't I get in one more bike ride or one more game of softball or maybe just one more dip in the pool.
I think this tends to be true with a lot of things we do in life. We always look back and wish we did more. I'm not sure we ever really feel fully satisfied. Maybe that's a good thing. After all, if we got everything we wanted there would be no reason to look forward to anything.
Who am I kidding? The "we wouldn't have anything to look forward to" speech is probably falling on deaf ears for those who are under 18 years old.
I've always thought all of us who love sports are a little irrational and superstitious. Do you have a "lucky" jersey you wear for every Packers game? Do you have to eat the same snack during every Badger game? Do you only get another beer when the Brewers are playing defense because you think it brings them luck?
I stopped doing those things because I now know that standing in a certain part of the room or wearing a special hat has ABSOLUTELY NO IMPACT ON THE GAME.
I thought I had really gotten over those irrational thoughts, but I guess I still have a little work to do.
I saw an article about a group called AccuScore. Here's the description from the article of what they do:
AccuScore provides baseball predictions and projections by calculating the precise probability teams have of winning each game, their division, and making the playoffs. Using projected starting lineups, baseball predictions are created by simulating each game of the season, one play at a time, up to 10,000 to 20,000 times.
In other words, they can give you a pretty good idea what teams will make the playoffs. This season my beloved White Sox have had some struggles to say the least. There are times where the team looks great, but then suddenly they fall flat again. I've written off the team several times this year only to be sucked back into it when they start doing well. This past weekend the White Sox swept the Mariners and now stand in second place. I've fooled myself once again thinking they have a chance to win the division. My heart says it's still possible. What does AccuScore say? They say the White Sox have a 4.9% chance of making the playoffs.
But maybe math is wrong? Maybe the White Sox will go on a tear and make the playoffs. I better go get my lucky sweatshirt and wear it until the end of the season.
Colonel Muammar Gaddafi Regrets Not Making Himself a General
(Tripoli) AP - As Colonel Muammar Gaddafi's 42-year-reign ends, the dictator wonders why he didn't make himself the rank of General years ago.
"What the @$& was I thinking?!," said the longest ruling Arab leader in history.
"If I would have made myself a General in my stupid army, I could have lasted at least another 20 years!Â Who the hell is afraid of a Colonel?!Â Colonel Potter on M*A*S*H* was always getting outsmarted by Hawkeye.Â I know because I just added that show from America on my state run network.Â Can you believe my people complain I don't give them fresh entertainment?!Â And what about Colonel Sanders?!Â Sure he does chicken right, but does he kill millions of his own people correctly?Â No way.Â Unless, of course, you're talking about that Double Down Chicken Sandwich he created a few years ago.Â I wouldn't even make my worst enemy eat one of those.Â I am not a monster,"Â said a rather bummed Gaddafi.
Throughout my "career" at Triple M, I've been asked to do many things in the name of charity.Â On Saturday night I was called once again to help raise some money for The Dane County Humane Society.Â Â I was asked to sing Karaoke at Monte's in Verona.Â At first, I was hesitant, but Gayle Viney of the DC Humane Society really got me when she said, "Do it for Baxter!".
Lindsay and I went with our friend Jennifer who just happens to be a hardcore karaoke enthusiasts.Â She got the crowd warmed up with a couple of songs including Blondie's "One Way or Another."Â For a little while, I thought I might get out of singing because others were so into it.Â However, my time came and I decided to go with Barry Manilow's Copacabana.
I got into it a little more than I thought I would.Â Luckily, I also had the help of Lindsay and Jen who served as backup dancers.
No animals were harmed during this song.
Did you ever live in a small apartment when you were first starting out? Perhaps you had an extra tiny dorm room at school? Maybe you were crammed into a small space at overnight camp?
I lived in a small room with two other guys my sophomore year here at the University of Wisconsin in a fraternity. My bunk bed was so close to the ceiling I couldn't sit up in bed. I got into my bed via the top of a desk at the end of the bed. It always worked well when one of my roommates was trying to study and I had to literally walk across his books to climb into bed.
I never thought I would want to experience something like that again.
I was wrong.
There's a new invention at an airport in Moscow. It's called a Sleepbox. Instead of attempting to sleep on a chair or using your luggage as a pillow during a long layover, you can sleep in a small room complete with a tiny desk for work.
Last summer Lindsay and I went to Greece for our honeymoon. It was a fantastic trip, but the return flights home were a bit challenging. We did not have a direct flight back to the United States. It was more of a cattwampus flight back. We had 32 hours of straight travel with a majority of it being spent on airport floors.
I'm not complaining and I'd do it again in a second to see some far off exotic places, but I hope the Sleepbox catches on around the globe.
If I ever get to use one of these, I'll just have to hang up a few sports and rock n' roll posters and I'll feel like I'm in college again.
Lindsay and I took a trip to Chicago this past weekend to catch Steely Dan at the Ravinia Festival. Ravinia is the summer home of the Chicago Symphony Orchestra, and is also the place for several "rock" concerts. Things don't get too wild. This yea the rock acts include The Doobie Brothers, Lyle Lovett, The BoDeans and Steely Dan.
The set-up at Ravinia is a lot different then other outdoor venues like Alpine Valley. Seating on the grass does not mean you get to see the actual performance. People sitting on the lawn are there to chat and have a picnic just as much as they're coming to hear a concert. Imagine Concerts on the Square on a much bigger scale plus it costs $20 to park.
Don't get me wrong, Ravinia is a great festival and definitely worth checking out if you're ever in Chicago's northern suburbs.
As far as the concert, the band took requests via the internet before the show. I did not make any requests but my hardcore Steely Dan friend, Larry requested Your Gold Teeth. It was the very first song the band played. The music sounded great, but any concert at Ravinia is competing with people chatting on the lawn. Our party of 10 was no exception. So it's hard to really review the concert fully, but I can tell you the chicken wings we were eating were fantastic.
Sadly the rain kicked into high gear about 90 minutes into the show. We brought umbrellas, but we were no match for the rain. We decide to pack it up early and had to literally wring out our blankets before leaving. As we were headed for the exit, they broke into Reelin' in the Years.
Despite getting wet and Steely Dan having some stiff competition from the pasta salad for attention, it was a great night.
Here's a video of Steely Dan from 1973! Check out who's introducing the band!
I was out to dinner tonight with my friend Rob and we decided to share an order of cheddar fries with our meal.Â I always think this is a good idea because otherwise I would eat the entire plate of cheese covered goodness myself.
Every single time I order something to share, I always wish I had ordered my own plate.
Am I a bad person?
I really don't have a problem sharing food and I even like giving a little of my meal to my fellow diners (the one's at my table not the whole restaurant) in exchange for a little taste of what they're having.Â Even though I like to share, I still have dog bowl syndrome.Â Are you familiar with dog bowl syndrome?
If you've ever owned a dog, you know most of them eat everything that's in the bowl.Â After every morsel is gone, they usually look for any crumbs around the bowl and may even lick the rug or floor in an attempt to get just one more little taste.Â The entire process takes approximately 30 seconds.
Sadly, I have similar habits.Â I don't lick the floor, but I definitely eat everything given to me.Â So in the "sharing cheddar fries" mode, I have to be careful not to shove every last fry into my mouth because there's someone else who is eating out of the same bowl.Â As the fries dwindle,Â I become more and more aware of how many are left.Â I really try my best to be fair and not eat more than my share.Â I usually think I do a good job of pretending not to notice how many fries are being eaten and act as if I'm just casually eating.
Tonight I realized I'm not really doing a good job of keeping my dog-like tendencies in check.Â How do I know?Â After we were finished with our meal, the waitress came to clear our plates.Â As she took the empty basket of fries, I stopped her so I could throw my used napkin in the basket.Â After she left RobÂ said, "I thought you were going to stop her so you could scrap the last remaining pieces of cheese off the paper."
I just read an article talking about how technology is actually getting worse.Â It talked about paying more in the future for our internet service and how some of our gadgets have really bad battery life.Â The article also asked this question:Â Are apps making us dumb?Â I think there's a bigger question: Has all this technology made us dumb?
Maybe a little.
How many of your friends' phone numbers do you know?Â I mean all 10 digits not speed dial number 3.Â Because we have instant access to all information all the time, it almost seems like you don't really need to know the answers to anything anymore.Â You can just look it up quickly on your phone.
It reminds me of when I was a kid.Â I wanted a digital watch and my dad said I couldn't get one until I was able to tell time on a watch with a face on it.Â I could read a digital watch and say , "It's 10:53" if someone asked me, but did I really know what time it was?
There's also the problem of accuracy on the internet.Â We read something and instantly think its true because it was on-line.Â I'm all for information being available to all people all the time, but I worry it's not accurate information and we forgot it as soon as we see it.
That's all for now, I've got to call my wife at the office.Â What's her number?Â Oh yeah, 2.
This afternoon I was doing a little work around the house and I suddenly heard the sound that unites children all around the world or at least kids in my neighborhood.Â It was the ice cream truck!Â I've been trying to watch my caloric intake and tried to ignore the tantalizing music at first. but it seemed as if it was getting louder and louder.Â Was the ice cream guy parked on my driveway?!
He wasn't on the driveway, but he was just down the street.Â I gathered up some change and ran walked briskly to his truck.Â There were a few kids standing in line and a few kids with parents nearby, but no adults alone.Â I kinda felt stupid and thought about making up a story about how I was getting the ice cream for my nephew or something.
However, I started to care less and less about my story and was more concerned with how long it was taking the kids to decide.Â No parents were in line, they were standing off to the side.Â I imagine they were trying to teach their children how to wait in line patently and how to order politely and how to exchange money with a clerk.
DAMN THEM!Â I WANT MY ICE CREAM.Â CAN'T THESE KIDS MAKE A DECISION?!Â JUST PICK ONE ALREADY.Â YOU KNOW YOU'RE GOING TO DROP HALF OF IT ON THE STREET IN FIVE MINUTES ANYWAY!!!
Finally, it was my turn.Â Hmmm.Â Should I get the classic fudgesicle?Â Maybe I should try that new Spiderman popsicle?Â What about Sponge Bob Square Pants ice cream?!
I could feel the eyes of the little children burning a hole in the back of my head as I was deciding.
I went with the Oreo Ice Cream bar.
After eating my treat in about 30 seconds, I was back in the house and dreaming of more ice cream.Â I know I'm an adult. Â I know I can purchase ice cream at the store anytime.Â However, there's something magical about having your day interrupted after hearing the beautiful ice cream symphony and buying something on the spot.
Click here for your own ice cream symphony.
With the recent downgrade of the United States' credit rating from AAA to AA+ by Standard & Poor's, the New York Stock Exchange has made some adjustments in an attempt to prevent the market from crashing.Â The changes include:
* Giving the U.S. a couple of gold stars and smiley faces on its next homework assignment.Â It may not be an as good as an AAA, but it will look nice when hung on the refrigerator.
* Showing the movie Trading Places starring Eddie Murphy and Dan Aykroyd on the exchange floor to distract traders from selling.
* Ringing the closing bell approximately 30 seconds after the opening bell is rung.
* Opening a Hooters on the exchange floor in another attempt to stop traders from selling.
* Locking traders out of the building in yet another attempt to stop the massive sell-off.
* Mixing in some Fantasy Football trades in between actual stock trades.
* Installing several Karaoke machines on the trading floor.
* Surprise visit by Lady Gaga or The cast of Jersey Shore or The Kardashians or Sarah Palin or Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker to remind traders America has a bright future.
* Filling the room with Nitrous oxide about 20 minutes before trading begins.
Alex Rodriguez of the New York Yankees is in hot water again, but this time it seems a little ridiculous. Â In the past he's had problems because of possible use of performance-enhancing drugs, but this time he's in trouble for playing poker.
When I first heard the story it sounded like there could be a problem.Â Published reports say Rodriguez was at an illegal poker game where some players may have been using cocaine and a fight almost broke out after someone lost some serious cash.Â I picture a dark room with some mob guys hanging around and kneecaps getting broken.Â That was until I heard who was at the game.
Here's who was supposedly there: Tobey Maguire, Leonardo DiCapro, Ben Affleck and Matt Damon.
If they were all out to dinner this would be considered a power summit of studs.
I understand baseball gets freaky about people gambling.Â Â After all, it's only been 92 years since a few players on the Chicago White Sox fixed the World Series for money.
There are about 700 different versions of the television show Law & Order.Â Â Here's a list:
Law & Order: Special Victims Unit
Law & Order: Criminal Intent
Law & Order: Trial by Jury
Law & Order: LA
There are even video games including:
Law & Order: Dead on the Money
Law & Order: Double or Nothing
Law & Order: Criminal Intent
However, I think the creators of the show are missing an obvious spin-off.Â Â It's Law & Order: Caged Unit.Â Have you seen the trial of Egypt's former President Hosni Mubarak?Â He's actually in a cage for the trial!
Apparently, defendants are put in cages for trials in Egypt.Â Memo to myself:Â Never do anything illegal in Egypt.Â I'm certainly not defending Mubarak.Â It appears he did some pretty awful things during his 29 years in office.Â However, sitting in a cage seems to skew the whole "innocent until proven guilty" vibe.Â Don't you agree?
I usually get annoyed with predictable movies, but not this time. Previews for The Change - Up with Jason Bateman and Ryan Reynolds has been running for months. The story is not new, it's about two guys who have known each other since elementary school but now have very different lives. Bateman plays a successful lawyer who has three kids, a hot wife and beautiful home. Reynolds plays a low-rent playboy who makes money as a hack actor. The two go out and wish they had each others lives. Surprise! They wake up and have switched bodies.
It's been done in so many movies. Off the top of my head, I can think of four movies: Freaky Friday, Big, All of Me and 13 Going on 30. Give me five more minutes and I can probably think of four more. The point is not to display my random movie knowledge, but to illustrate the difficulty of doing a story that's been done so many times.
Maybe I was just in a really good mood when watching the movie, but I really enjoyed it. Bateman has always been a likeable character, even when he's an a-hole like in the movie Juno. I really like Reynolds when he plays a smart-mouthed dude. I didn't see him in The Green Lantern, but to me he doesn't really fit in that kind of a role. To quote Vince Vaughan in the movie Swingers, "I want you to be like the guy in the rated R movie, you know, the guy you're not sure whether or not you like yet. You're not sure where he's coming from." That's the perfect role for Reynolds and that's exactly who he plays in this movie.
The movie is raunchy and there is A LOT of foul language, perhaps a little too much. However, I found myself enjoying it even though I knew exactly how it would end.
I had my high school reunion over the weekend and it was great seeing some faces from the past.Â I was pleasantly surprised when a few people, who I hadn't seen in years, knew about my little radio show here in Madison.Â One guy said he checks into the show a few times a week despite the fact he lives in California.Â It was great to hear and I started to feel pretty important, but then I ran into Suzanna Maloney.
We weren't really friends in high school, but I remembered her and she remembered me as well.Â She told me she lives in Madison.Â I expected her to say she listens to my show every morning.
Not so much.
She didn't know I live in Madison.Â She didn't know I was on the radio.Â She's never heard of Triple M.
Perhaps she just moved to Madison and wasn't familiar with the stations here?
She moved here in 1993.
We had a good laugh about it and it was a good lesson for me.
It may be a small world, but everyone is pretty busy in that small world.
For some reason it's always exciting to know a famous person shares your birthday. Â Today is my birthday. Â I don't know why, but it's thrilling to know that someone you'll never meet and have nothing in common with was born on the same day.Â It can be a little disappointing when you discover no one you really like is born on the same day.Â Mick Jagger, Sandra Bullock, Helen Mirren, Stanley Kubrick, George Bernard Shaw, Kate Beckinsale, Kevin Spacey, Blake Edwards, Gracie Allen, Aldous Huxley, and Carl Jung are just some of the famous people born YESTERDAY.
So who is born on the same day as me?Â At first glance the list is not that impressive.Â It includes:
Maureen McGovern who's famous for the song "The Morning After".Â Â Ho hum.
Skater Peggy Flemming who was a great Olympic skater, but also had an awful joke about her name.Â "What kind of booger skates?Â Peggy FLEMming.
Norman Lear was born on July 27th.Â He created the television show "All in the Family", which featured the first sound effect of a toilet flushing on prime time television.
New York Yankee Alex Rodriguez was also born today, but he is far from my favorite baseball player.Â Why couldn't Harold Baines, Ozzie Guillen or Juan Uribe be born on July 27th?
Despite a lame line-up for my birthday buddies, there is one person who shares this day with me that makes up for it.
I know Bugs Bunny is not real, but according to the book: Bugs Bunny :50 Years and Only One Gray Hare, Bugs was born on July 27, 1940 in Brooklyn near Ebbets Field..Â Despite Bugs not being real he was still a big influence on my life.Â Some people say "What Would Jesus Do?".Â My mantra is "What Would Bugs Do?"Â I've always loved his attitude and style.Â Â He's kind of a cartoon mix of George Clooney, HumphreyÂ Bogart, Grocho Marx and Tom Hanks.
Bugs Bunny cartoons were made in Warner Brothers golden age of cartoons with brilliant creators like Chuck Jones and voiced by Mel Blanc.Â Bugs has been recreated the last few years for movies like Space Jam with Michael Jordan, but I prefer the old school Bugs like in this picture:
In this cartoon, Bugs was being chased by a strange character simply named Monster.Â He gets into a real jam, but gets out of it by giving Monster a manicure.Â Brilliant.
Bugs has also had his share of cross dressing to get out of trouble:
I probably shouldn't admit this, but I've done the same:
I've always enjoyed the "sky's the limit" concept when it comes to salaries.Â Of course, I haven't come close to reaching the sky.Â However,Â I like the idea that if someone was crazy enough to pay me 10 million dollars a year it could happen.Â I've don't frown upon people who spend money on frivolous items.
There's an opportunity for the wealthy to buy an iPad 2 for 8.1 million bucks!Â Why is it so expensive?Â First of all, it has gold and diamonds and the frame is made from shavings from a 65 million year old Tyrannosaurus Rex thigh bone.
If you can afford this and are really thinking of buying I have two words: Screw you.
Is this really necessary?!Â The guy who makes this stuff is named Stuart Hughes.
He's from England and has plenty of diamond incrusted things for you to waste your money on.Â He has luxury aquariums, luxury furniture and even luxury yachts.Â Aren't yachts already luxury?!
The only thing that makes me feel better is the fact that iPod will become outdated within a year or two.Â A far cry from the 65 million year old bone it is wrapped in.
You don't really think of restaurants inside buildings on the University of Wisconsin campus as being anything special.Â I'm not saying the food is bad, but they're designed as a place for a quick meal.Â I've had plenty of decent sandwiches and salads on campus, but I don't expect to be greeted by a waiter and have a memorable meal.
That's all changed now.
Lindsay and I dined at Steenbock's on Orchard inside the new Wisconsin Institutes of Discovery building located between University and Johnson Avenues.Â It's a member of the Food Fight Restaurant Group and the chef comes from Johnny Delmonico's.
Before I describe the restaurant and meal, I want to mention who the restaurant is named after.Â Harry Steenbock was a biochemist at the University of Wisconsin and he discovered a way to increase Vitamin D in food and other organic materials which led to the end of rickets.Â He patented the idea with his own money and then was offered 1 million dollars (about 10 million today)Â by Quaker Oats.Â He decided the money should go to the University.Â It went to the Wisconsin Alumni Research Foundation (WARF).Â In 1927, WARF completed its first licensing agreement with Quaker Oats which allowed the company to fortify its breakfast cereals with Vitamin D.
Okay, enough history.Â Let's get back to theÂ restaurant.
The decor has an Asian feel to it with wood floors, bamboo plants and zen-like music playing in the background.Â Our waiter, Marcus took the time to describe not only the ingredients, but details about some of our food before it arrived to the restaurant.Â Marcus told us the duck comes from a farm where the owner literally takes walks with the ducks.Â Marcus then explained the average duck farm produces about 10,000 ducks a week and this farm produces 3,000 A YEAR.
Chef Michael Pruett changes the menu regularly because he wants to produce dishes from local providers when the ingredients are at the "height of flavor".Â Â There were so many choices, but Lindsay and I started with some Hamachi (yellowtail fish) which included some small jalapenos.Â The combination of flavors was amazing.Â We also shared a salad, but this was no ordinary salad.Â It was truly a work of art.Â It looked like a centerpiece for the table.Â It was presented in a basket made out of potato fries and had edible flowers as well.
We shared our second course which was pasta with short ribs.Â The meat was sliced very thin (like pull pork) and the noodles were fresh.Â I'm writing this review days after eating there and I'm still craving the pasta meat combination.
I had the duck for the main course which included baby turnips and carrots.Â Many times vegetables can be too hard or too soft.Â I don't mean to sound like Goldilocks, but these were "just right."Â Lindsay went with the scallops which had brussels sprouts and pickled onion and fennel and a delicious citrus beurre blanc sauce.
For dessert we shared a chocolate molten lava cake complete with fresh berries and ice cream.Â Yes, it was awesome.
Chef Pruett also has two more eating options in the building.Â One is a more casual lunch and dinner which is also part of Steenbock's.Â With choices like lobster club and Russian Reuben sandwiches, it's got to be delicious.Â Â There is also Aldo's Cafe which has more amazing lunch options.
There is plenty of parking across the street in several lots including number 20 on University Avenue.
There are even theme nights at the restaurant including a re-creation of the 11-course dinner served on the Titanic the night at sank.Â All the waiters wore tuxedos, but hopefully Steenbock's will not sink.Â With its fantastic wait staff, cool decor and absolutely incredible food, Steenbock's should be sailing along for years to come.
The have always been classic rivalries throughout time.Â A few that come to mind including the Capulets and the Montagues, the Hatifelds and the McCoys, Macy's and Gimbel's, the Chicago Bears and the Green Bay Packers.
Another rivalry, at least in Chicago, is the Chicago Tribune and the Chicago Sun-Times.Â Granted the Sun-Times was considered less of a paper when it was purchased by Rupert Murdoch in 1984.Â Â However, he only owned the paper for about two years before selling it again.Â The Sun-Times has a little more of a tabloid feel to it and tends to be more liberal then the Tribune.Â It's also the longest running paper in Chicago. It began in 1844 as The Evening Journal.Â Okay, enough Chicago newspaper history, there is a point to this blog.
It's just been announced the Chicago Tribune will now start printing the Sun-Times!Â That's right the McCoy's are now going to make dinner for the Hatifelds! Former Bears owner and coach George Halas supposedly used to turn off the hot water in the visitors locker room whenever the Packers came to play.Â He also allegedly provided them with towels that had huge holes in them.Â I don't see this as being much different.Â I know the newspaper business is struggling, but it just doesn't seem right .Â If I was in charge of the Tribune, I think I would have a little fun with this situation.
I think I might "adjust" a few of the Sun-Times' headlines just for fun.Â For example, if the headline was supposed to read:
ONLY QUARTER OF U.S. STUDENTS PROFICIENT IN GEOGRAPHY
I might change it to something like:
MONKEY GOES BANANAS OVER ORANGE
It makes absolutely no sense, but that's what makes it great.
BRITISH PRIME MINISTER REGRETS HIRING FORMER NEWS OF THE WORLD EXECUTIVE
I would change it to:
LAWN MOWER SICK OF EATING GRASS ALL DAY
What's a rivalry without a little fun, right?
This past weekend Lindsay and I were in Portland, Oregon for the wedding of our friends Tony and Andrea.Â A wedding is one of the few times you get to be treated like a superstar all day long.Â This is the time the bride and groom get to be the absolute center of attention and no one minds.Â However, there was a different wedding this past weekend where the bride andÂ groom were not the center of attention.
Justin Bieber crashed a couple's wedding on Saturday night in Malibu, California.Â The reception included karaoke and one of the guests was singing
a Bieber song.Â Bieber and his girlfriend, Selena Gomez were walking on the beach and heard the song.Â He decided to crash the wedding and take a few pictures with guests.
The couple, Jeanine Holguin and Rob McCool, said the Bieber visit was surreal. I think it was selfish.Â Why does Bieber have to upstage a couple?Â Do other musicians cruise around the country looking for their songs to be played so they can crash the event?Â If that was the case, I think Paul McCartney, Ringo Starr, Sting, Bette Midler, Rod Stewart and Bob Dylan would have all their weekends booked for the rest of their lives.
Come on, Justin!Â Let the couple have their day.Â Maybe if the couple happened to be huge Justin Bieber fans it would be cool.Â However, he had no idea if they liked him at all. Â If you want to crash events where people will really appreciate you,Â try hitting up the Bar and Bat Mitzvah circuit.
These days life is pretty laid back for Mayor Dave.Â Currently, Mayor Soglin has to deal with a budget gap and how to keep the city afloat.Â Dave, on the other hand, is relaxing. Â He recently wrote a blog about his vacation Up North and how he and his wife Dianne vacation a little differently.Â Dianne likes to take a spin in a kayak while Dave likes to read in a hammock.Â I have to agree with Dave on this one.Â The combination of a hammock and a summer afternoon may be the greatest invention since someone mixed peanut butter and jelly together. However, I don't think Dave is doing it right.Â Below is a picture of Dave in the hammock.Â Â Â
This past week I took in two concerts Ray LaMontagne and Britney Spears.Â Yes, you read correctly.Â I saw Britney Spears at Summerfest.Â My wife, Lindsay wanted to see both LaMontagne and Spears.Â I was actually curious about both shows.Â As I mentioned in a previous blog, I enjoyed LaMontagne's show but wished he could have talked to the audience a little more.
The Britney Spears concert wasn't really a concert.Â I'm not exactly sure what you would call it.Â Maybe a Las Vegas review?Â It was very precise.Â There was a countdown clock and as promised the show started right on time.Â It opened with a video of some scruffy guy in a room talking into a microphone.Â It appeared as if he was talking to Spears and she was some kind of secret agent.Â I didn't really follow what was happening, but then she came out on stage with about 10 dancers.Â The energy level was sky high.
However, there was one thing missing: a band.Â There were no musicians anywhere.Â Spears was singing, but was everything else recorded?Â Was she recorded? The only instrument on stage was a giant guitar she rode for one of the songs.
It didn't really matter to the crowd.Â I don't think they were there to see musicians.Â They were there to see a show.Â Spears delivered with many costume changes and different sets.Â There were cars and motorcycles and even a boat on the stage for the different songs.Â The scruffy guy would appear on the giant screens while Britney was changing costumes.Â I never did figure out the story, but Britney wins in the end.Â Â Her dancers were very skilled and one guy even danced on one hand.Â He was literally bouncing on the stage on one hand.
She did give a shout out to Milwaukee two or three times, but I imagine the show looks EXACTLY the same in Milwaukee or Chicago or Kalamazoo.Â What she did was done well, but this was definitely not a concert.
Last night Ray LaMontagne came to Overture Hall, but he forgot to bring one thing: stage presence.Â I guess that's not totally fair.Â It's no secret LaMontagne does not feel comfortable performing in front of people and it showed during his performance.Â He came out wearing a hat that looked straight off the shelf of Madison's very own Sacred Feather .
LaMontagne started the show with just one member of his band for the first song.Â His voice was LOUD and it almost seemed too loud, but within seconds I adjusted and enjoyed his unique tone.
In between songs he said nothing and the audience started entertaining itself by shouting out things like "Nice hat!" or "I don't even feel this gin!" or "We love you!".Â There also seemed to be a contest of who could shout out the loudest "WOOO" while waiting for him to start his next song.
LaMontagne said nothing and after switching guitars he would start the next song.Â Despite his less then welcoming style, the songs made up for it.Â It's almost like a strange uncle at a family barbeque who makes you feel awkward, but is a master on the grill.Â You put up with the weirdness in order to get a bite of that delicious hamburger.
When listening to a singer/songwriter the lyrics are the key to success.Â LaMontagne's lyrics are fantastic and he instantly paints a picture in your mind with his songs that you forget he was ignoring you moments ago.
Until the song ends.
Then it's back to the uncomfortable silence while he and his band get ready for the next song
Sadly, I couldn't stay for the whole show.Â The "getting up in the middle of the night to prepare for my show" definitely gets in the way of social activities on weeknights.Â As I was leaving,Â it seemed as if LaMontagne opened up slightly to the audience.Â Before play a Merle Haggard cover, he painfully explained how Haggard had a big influence on his life.Â The way he spoke reminded me of a little kid being forced to thank a stranger for a gift.Â The kid can't wait to be done with the exchange.
I'm not sure why LaMontagne hates talking to the crowd so much, but I hate the taste ofÂ liquorice.Â I love doing my radio show everyday, but it would be really tough to eat a strand of liquorice after every few songs.Â I guess talking to the crowd is LaMontagne's liquorice.
This past weekend my brother-in-law, Evan got married.Â It was a great wedding in Jackson Hole, Wyoming.Â I love the area, but I've never been a big fan of the name Jackson HOLE.Â Maybe it's because another kind of hole lives there part of the year, former Vice President Dick Cheney.
This blog is not about Cheney or really even Jackson Hole.Â It's about a miscue I had during the bachelor party.Â Â All the events associated with a wedding, bachelor party and bridal shower were held during the weekend because this was a destination wedding for everyone including the bride and groom.
The actual wedding took place on Sunday and the bachelor party was on Friday night.Â It was not a huge crowd of guys for the party.Â It included Evan and
some of his friends from college and high school.Â It was a quite impressive line-up of gents who went to Ivy League or Ivy League caliber schools.Â This group was not too rowdy and I had some interesting conversations including a chat with one guy who works for New York City's department of education.Â I learned the budget for New York City schools is 23 BILLION dollars.
We all met for dinner and had a few beers.Â At the end of dinner the waitress asked us if we wanted anything else.Â I asked about dessert and she quickly ran through the menu which included a brownie sundae.Â After she was finished I proudly ordered one sundae with six spoons.
There was a long pause.
One of the guys then said, "Six shots of tequila."
The rest of the weekend my nickname was brownie.
And I have to admit, it was well deserved.
I can' believe Triple M is turning 20 years old over 4th of July weekend.Â I was workingÂ for another station in town as a news reporter when Triple M came on the air back in 1991.Â I graduated from the UW the year before and I remember the exact spot where I heard my first sample of Triple M.Â I was driving eastbound on Mineral Point Road near Yellowstone Drive. Â My radio was on scan and missed the station, but I manually turned it back a few notches to 105.5. Â The first song I heard was Black Water by The Doobie Brothers or was it I.G.Y. from Donald Fagen?Â It doesn't really matter, I just remember wondering if the station would last.
Before I got the job in 1999, I met with Kitty at Pizzera Uno's across the street from the station.Â She was very impressed when I ordered a Leinenkugel and even more impressed when I ordered a second.Â Since then she's probably never seen me have more than a single beer.
That evening we discussed our big plans for the show which included a goal of broadcating from all seven continents by the year 2005.
Well...um...only 6 more to go!
I recently went through my"Radio Shoebox of Memories" to find an early picture of Kitty and me.Â Sadly, it was filled with cleaning supplies.Â However, after some more digging I found our very first publicity photo together.Â I remember we were both so excited and debated whether we should dress formal or casual for the picture.Â After much thought, we went with formal:
We were so young and foolish and ready to take on the broadcast world.Â We had a lot of bright ideas and big dreams.Â I think we're still just as enthusiastic about the job and ready to entertain all those who are willing to listen.Â Here's a publicity picture from just last week:
Here's to 20 years of Triple M and to at least 20 more!
In the past few years, many cars have disappeared.Â Even if I never had any plans to buy an Oldsmobile or Saturn, it was still a little sad to see them go. Â One car that has been brought back from near death several times is Saab. I've always liked Saab.Â When I was a kid, my dad used to say a Saab was like a bulldog.Â "They're kinda ugly, but they're unusual and that makes them cool."
I agree.Â The Saab is the bulldog of the car world.
Just last week things were looking dreadful for the Swedish car maker.Â In fact, Saab stopped production because the company couldn't pay its workers.Â However, there's now word a mysterious buyer from China wants 582 Saabs and is paying 18.4 million up front for the cars.
Hurray!Â Swedish fish candy for everyone!
I'm wondering if this is really a prank by some rich bratty Chinese kid havingÂ fun with the Swedish.Â It reminds me of kids here in the United States ordering 100 pizzas to a school teachers house.
The story says it's a "mysterious Chinese buyer".Â It sounds awfully shady to me.
I hope Saab doesn't start making all these cars only to find out the mysterious buyer is named Ms. Anita Nucar or Ms. Barb Dwyer or Mr. Ali Goricle or Ms. Annie Bodie.
However, if the order comes from Mr. Seymour Butts there will be no worries.Â My friend, Artie Choke can vouch for him.
Last Friday I got a call from the conductor of the Wisconsin Chamber Orchestra, Andrew Sewell. He wanted to know what I was doing at that exact moment. Even though I was worried he might as me to help him move a piano, I told him I was free. He then invited me to downtown to the Square because he was shooting a video and needed my help.
I was pretty excited since I've never been in a music video. I pictured the entire Wisconsin Chamber Orchestra set up on the Capitol steps and I would get to pretend like I was playing the oboe or maybe the french horn. That's not exactly what the maestro had in mind, but it was still fun.
Check it out:
I have to admit I'm getting a little tired of paying so much for my razor blade replacements.Â Like so many guys, I was luredÂ into buying one of those multiple blade magic razors.Â My evenÂ vibrates, which was once an embarrassing situation at airport security, but that story is for another blog.Â Whenever I go to theÂ store, the replacement blades are behind lock and key, literally.Â It makes sense because four replacement blades cost around 20 bucks.
Every time I buy them, I glance over at the cheapo razors and think about switching back to the good ol' 59 cent disposable razors again.Â However, then I remember how those blades cut up my face like a Thanksgiving turkey so I bite the bullet and spend the money.Â The geniuses at the razor companies know we might get bored with their multiple blade magic so they alwaysÂ create a new twist to keep us hooked.Â This latest might be the best.
Imagine not having to change the blade for 10 years!Â It sounds too good to be true.Â It is, unless you're a millionaire.Â The new "Zafirro Iridium" is coming out soon.Â Apparently, Iridium is some kind of metal that can survive being dropped into molten lava.Â I always thought Iridium was a jazz club in New York City where Les Paul used to play every Monday night.
I guess this molten lava proof feature is important because there are many times I need a close shave just before traveling into an active volcano.Â So how much does it cost?
Hold on to your whiskers...
Yes, ONE HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLARS.
I guess the 20 bucks for a four pack of blades doesn't seem that bad anymore.
Have you eaten at a Chinese restaurant recently and received a fortune cookie?Â I just ate at one the other day it appears the fortune cookie Seers are starting to slack.Â Maybe this isn't a new problem, but some of the fortunes seem more like motivational statements or even worse not much of fortune anymore.
One fortune read "You will meet someone new"
Really?Â That's not much of a stretch.Â Does the guy at the grocery store who asks me if I want paper or plastic count as meeting someone new?Â I feel like the fortune cookie writers should take more risks and jazz things up a bit.
"You will be asked to deliver a strange package across enemy lines"
Now that's a fortune worth reading.Â It may not happen today or tomorrow, but it will have the recipient really thinking for some time about it.
Maybe the fortune cookie writers really need to go out on a limb to get attention and say things like:
"Your best friend Steve is really trying to sleep with your wife."
Granted, there's an excellent chance the reader doesn't have a friend name Steve and isn't even married.Â But every now and then a someone will have a best friend name Steve AND be married ---JACKPOT!!!
The fortune cookie is also an untapped market when it comes to advertising.Â It really could be slipped in very easily.
"Keeping your Modern Family together is as simple as ABC ""Many people around the world say you are a true American Idol and think you're as smart as a FOX."
"A girl named Wendy will have the spicy nugget of happiness you crave to make your life complete" "An old Kentucky tale reminds us that a Fried mind will act like a Chicken in battle"
"Gerald Ford once said you must be an Explorer to find your way"
"You will be United with an old friend soon and feel a breath of fresh Air after your Lines cross.
Quick!Â Someone call Madison Avenue.
To say Clarence Clemons was important to Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band is like saying Jelly is kind of important in a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
Clemons suffered a stroke last week and appeared to be recovering, but took a turn for the worst and died on Saturday.Â After his passing, Springsteen said, "He loved the saxophone, loved our fans and gave everything he had every night he stepped on stage. His loss is immeasurable and we are honored and thankful to have known him and had the opportunity to stand beside him for nearly forty years. He was my great friend, my partner and with Clarence at my side, my band and I were able to tell a story far deeper than those simply contained in our music. His life, his memory, and his love will live on in that story and in our band."
Clemons said in an interview with Jon Stewart on The Daily Show that "bringing joy and light to the world" was his life's purpose.Â Â In an interview with Rolling Stone magazine, Clemons said it took him 16 hours to create the classic saxophone solo for Jungleland on the Born to Run album.
In the interview Clemons says after he was finished, Springsteen asked him if he knew how long he had been recording.Â Clemons says he thought it was about 5 hours, but then Springsteen told him they it was 16 hours.Â Clemons says he doesn't even remember going to the bathroom during that time because he was so focused on getting it right.
He definitely got it right all those years with Springsteen.
I was invited to throw out the first pitch at a Madison Mallards game on Wednesday night.Â Being a baseball fan my entire life, I was really excited to take part in this tradition.Â The first American to throw out the first pitch was President William Howard Taft in 1910, but he's not the first person to ever do it.Â Believe it or not, the first to ever was Former Japanese Prime Minister Okuma Shgenobu in 1908 at a game in Koshien Japan.
If you've ever seen a ceremonial first pitch, you know the "pitcher" usually is bad.Â The mound is 60' 6" from home plate.Â It may seem easy on television to throw it that far, but for most average citizens it's too far.Â Most people don't make it all the way and the ball bounces into home plate.
I didn't want to be one of those people.
I figured the best way to not be noticed is by being noticed.Â It may sound strange, but I think the plan worked.Â I decided to go as a spaceman to the game.Â I donned an old school astronaut suit.Â I figured I could bring a beach ball that looked like a baseball and throw that instead.Â The ball would float towards home plate like I was in zero gravity.
The Mallards were nice enough to provide the music from 2001 Space Odyssey as I made my way towards the mound.Â I even brought a little American flag to plant on the mound.Â Before I tossed my giant beach ball (which was provided by my friends Marisa and HeidiÂ from Fox 47) I said, "That's one small step for man, one giant leap for Mallards kind!"Â The crowd seem to like it and they really loved when I attempt to make it to home plate with the ball.
So what did people think?Â I'm not sure, butÂ I did receive this e-mail from a listener (Craig Barnsley) the next morning:
After the ceremonial pitches last night at the Mallards, my 15 year old daughter asked "What was that all about?Â What was he thinking? To which I replied, "It baffled me."
Mission accomplished!Â It may have baffled Craig and his daughter, but that's better then them complaining I wasn't able to throw the ball all the way to home plate without bouncing it in!
One of my favorite musical memories in Madison isn't a concert, but an interview right before a concert.Â In August of 2004, Willie Nelson and Bob Dylan performed at Warner Park.
About four hours before the show, I was told I could interview Willie Nelson on his tour bus, but I had to get there immediately.Â I literally had no time to prepare.
I have to admit, I was a little nervous.Â Â Willie Nelson appears to be a pretty friendly guy and he is loved by millions.Â He doesn't have a reputation for being angry or combative in interviews.Â It also seems like he has a pretty good sense of humor.Â After all, he was on one of my all-time favorite shows "The Simpsons" in which he had a machine to automatically create his pony tails.
I always prefer to research before talking to an artists, but I couldn't pass up the opportunity to chat with Willie.
I arrived at his tour bus and the handler knocked on the door.Â There was a pause and then the door opened and the handler told me to "head on in!"
I didn't know what to expect.Â Would there be a giant cloud of smoke floating through the bus?Â Would there be several people working on an awesome hemp jacket?Â Would there be tons of half eaten bags of chips and other random snack foods all over the floor?Â Would someone search me for a wire?
Actually, none of that happened.Â The bus was clean.Â In fact, it was almost too clean.Â It almost looked like a temporary bus he was just using for the interview.Â It didn't look very lived in.Â I didn't think to ask, "Hey Mr. Nelson!Â Is this your interview bus for conversations with nerds like me?"
He sat very calmly in a chair and invited me to sit down with him.Â I did and he had this relaxed smile.Â It seemed as if he had no cares in the world.Â Â He reminded me of a retired gentleman sitting in his Winnebago casually driving around the country.Â I expected him to say, "Yeah, I spent a few weeks up in Fond du Lac.Â The fish weren't really biting.Â I'm swinging down to Michigan City, Indiana and eventually I'll make my way to Tallahassee."
He smiled and said, "Hi".Â He then waited for me to ask a question.
I've interviewed a few notables before including the first George Bush and Sting (one on one in his dressing room).Â However, this had me a little rattled.
I started to ask him some questions about his career and what it was like to be touring with Bob Dylan.Â His answers were very nice, but very, very short.Â Sometimes he would answer with a simple "yes" or "no" and then smile.
After about 10 painful minutes, I thanked him and he smiled and shook my hand and then I left the bus.
I really felt bad afterward.Â Did I blow the interview?Â Did he think I was a nark so he was holding back?
About two years later, I saw him as a guest on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart and he acted the same way.Â Â Here's the video with Stewart.Â If you watch, you'll see Willie doesn't say much at all.Â Stewart was better at joking with him, but if you really break it down Willie didn't say more than a few short sentences.
Here's another breaking news story from JJNN (Jonathan's Jabberings News Network):
(Washington D.C.)Â Embattled New York Congressman Anthony Weiner has decided to change his name because of recent events.Â For those of you who have missed the story because you're living under a rock or actually have more important things to think about then an adult man sending inappropriate pictures to other adults, Mr. Weiner sent naughty pictures via TwitterÂ to other adult women who he never met.
Despite the scandal, Mr. Weiner has opted not to resign from Congress.Â However, he has decided to change his name in an attempt to restore some dignity for his wife and his family.Â So let it be known from this day forward that Anthony Weiner the representative of New York's 9th congressional district will now be known to his colleagues, family and friends as
Editors note:Â This is actually an old joke from Monty Python. Â Not resurrecting (no pun intended) this joke would have been a crime.
Here's a breaking story from the newly formed JJNN (Jonathan's Jabberings News Network)
TOOTH FAIRY ARRESTED AFTER AREA BOY POINTS OUT INAPPROPRIATENESS OF JOB
Norton, KS - The Tooth Fairy has been arrested after 7-year-old Michael Hoffer pointed out the general creepiness of her her job.
"I asked my parents why I had to put a one of my baby teeth under my pillow after it fell out.Â Shouldn't we just throw it away?", asked a perplexed Hoffer.
"They told me the Tooth Fairy would come into our home while I was sleeping and reach her hand underneath my pillow, take the tooth and then give me a quarter.Â Â I was like--let me get this straight," said a confused Hoffer, "You let some stranger wearing wings break into our house, come into MY room, your child, the one you always say is so precious and let her stick her boney hand underneath my pillow and take my tooth?!Â How screwed up as that?!Â And what does she do with children's teeth?!Â Did you ever think about that?!"
Soon after all the world realized the insanity of this practice authorities were sent to the Tooth Fairy's home located at 230 Root Canal Way.Â Along with baskets of rotting teeth, authorities also found piles of single socks which resolved the mystery of the missing sock when you're doing laundry.
The other day Sarah Palin had some problems remembering the story of Paul Revere.Â She was in Boston and asked about Paul Revere's famous ride.Â She said Revere was "warning the British and ringing bells".Â She didn't really make much sense, but there's a bigger story about Paul Revere that the majority of America is not talking about!
A relative of Paul Revere is alive and quite famous.Â My friend, Larry gets credit for making the connection.Â I'm pleased to announce Paul Revere and Jack Black are related.Â You don't believe me?Â Take a look at these two pictures.
Jonathan is taking an extra day off so today's guest blogger will be Summer.Â We're talking about the season Summer not that cocktail waitress you met in Las Vegas.
Hello everyone!Â It's your favorite season.Â Who doesn't love me, Summer?!Â I have so many things to offer.Â Honestly, the list is endless but here are a few great things about me:
6) Longer days and shorter skirts!
I could probably list about 100 more things, but I don't want to be too much of a bragger.Â I know I don't officially arrive until June 21st, but we all know I'm here right after Memorial Day.Â It's time to get out and enjoy me.
THIS YEAR you're going to do a lot with me, right?Â Last year you planned on having lunch OUTSIDE with your co-workers at least once a week.Â You didn't even do it once!Â You could have at least eaten outside next to the drive thru of that fast food restaurant.Â Would it have killed you to sit outside for five seconds while inhaling those chicken gorditas?!
How about that promise to go for a bike ride around Lake Monona?!Â Remember that one?!Â Did you even get your bike out of the basement last year?!Â Does your bike even have a seat anymore?!Â I think you took it off your bike so you could use it as a foot rest while watching television.
Speaking of television, remember how last year you promised not to watch much of it?Â You didn't keep that promise either!Â Are you really going to spend a beautiful July afternoon watching a marathon of "Make Me A Supermodel" on Bravo or "I Shouldn't Be Alive" on Animal Planet?!Â Did you really watch a total of 16 hours of those shows instead of going for a walk in the Arboretum?!
Ugh!Â I'm so disgusted with you!Â I can already tell you're not going to do s--t with me this year.Â In fact, maybe I'll just check out early. Â What is Autumn's phone number?!Â Â How about he takes over right after July 4th!
As you may know, I have a "thing" for mascots.Â Since I was a little kid, I've always enjoyed meeting the mascots at sporting events, amusement parks and even outside businesses.Â Have you seen the Statue of Liberty outside of tax office waving a sign?Â Â I always honk my horn and wave back.Â I'm not sure why, but I guess I could have worse fetish.
So naturally last weekend when I went with Lindsay and her parents to Pittsburgh, I knew I'd have to meet Pirate Parrot.Â Thankfully we had plans to go to the Pirates' game.Â Otherwise it would have probably been weird if I was wandering the streets of Pittsburgh searching for him.
I didn't expect a big crowd at PNC Park because the Pirates have not had a winning record in almost 20 years.Â Â However, I still ordered tickets before the game which was a key move because the game ended up selling out! PNC is beautiful.Â I think it may be the best baseball park I've seen so far.Â Granted I haven't seen them all, but I've been to about 15 parks including the new ones in San Francisco and Seattle.
I didn't want to start roaming the park immediately in search of the Pirate Parrot, but after a few innings I was ready to go.Â After about 10 minutes of wandering, I found him in the bleachers.Â He seemed to be a good mascot because he was very sweet to the little kids and he treated me exactly the way he should when a grow man seems a little too excited to meet him.
I appreciate but have never been fully able to understand Bob Dylan.
I don't really understand why he sings the way he sings. It seems like he can sing, but may not always choose to sing. How incredible. It's almost like he gives himself a hurdle because simply writing a great song and then singing it is just too easy. It would be like if Jesse Owens decided to tie his shoelaces together before running a race.
More than his songs, I appreciate how Dylan has been able to keep being Dylan even when no one is really sure (maybe even him) what or who he is trying to be.
Kitty and I once interviewed Joni Mitchell and she told us that absolutely nothing Bob Dylan does surprises her. Nothing. In fact, she thought it would be surprising if he didn't do something surprising.
Sadly, I've never seen Dylan in concert. I've been his live versions of songs sound so different then the record it takes people a few minutes to recognize what song he is actually playing. Pretty cool.
There are plenty of great thinkers and performers who can change with age, but it seems like the vast majority cannot pull off doing a commercial without it looking cheesy. Not Bob Dylan. Remember this commercial from a few years ago?
Dylan was well into his 60's when making this commercial. Sure, Michael Douglas or Robert Redford could pull it off, but they've always been known for their looks. Can you imagine if Robert Redford would try to start singing in his 60's? He would look ridiculous. However, Dylan didn't look ridiculous in the commercial (at least in my opinion).
So happy birthday Bob! I can't wait to see what you do in your 80s!
Did you feel that?Â It was the earth moving as Oprah is taping her FINAL shows.Â Harpo Studios was not big enough to handle all the stars so she moved the show to the United Center which is usually home to the Chicago Bulls and Black Hawks.Â There's a giant bronze statue of Michael Jordan outside the United Center.Â I wonder if the city of Chicago will end up erecting a giant bronze statue of Oprah as well?
Guest for her third to last and second to last shows include tons of people like Tom Hanks, Madonna, Maya Angelou, Will Smith and Stevie Wonder.Â However, Oprah has not said who will be on her final show.
After a little research, I've discovered a list of potential guests who were willing to come on the show but Oprah rejected.Â Here's the list and Oprah's reasons for saying no.
About two months ago Osama Bin Laden offered to turn himself in to the U.S. on Oprah's final show, but she rejected the idea because she knew she was going to kill him as the lead Navy Seal in that undercover operation a few weeks ago.
Santa Claus wanted to be the final guest, but Oprah was worried Ol' Saint Nick would upstage her with gifts for the audience.
Elvis Presley and Michael Jackson wanted to come on the show to reveal they really aren't dead, but have been living on a remote tropical island.Â However, Oprah rejected them both because she just bought the island and doesn't want people to know its location.
The "other gunman" in the Kennedy Assassination was ready to step forward, but Oprah didn't want her final show to get too political.
Donald Trump offered to be the final guest, but Oprah said no because honestly,Â Trump is a total a-hole.Â What the @#$! was he thinking?!
And finally, Almighty God called and wanting to reveal himself on her final show, but Oprah said no because she thought He would be too preachy.
Have you heard of Lonesome George? He's a giant tortoise who lives on the Galapagos Islands.Â If he doesn't find a mate, it could mean the end of his subspecies.Â Not to rush him, but the clock is ticking.Â George is 100 years old .
So what's the problem?Â Apparently, he's been looking for the Ms. Right since the early 70's, but just can't decide.Â Â Is it so wrong if George wants to be like Derek Jeter of the New York Yankees?Â No one is complaining that Jeter doesn't have a wife.Â How about Warren Beatty?Â It took him years to finally settle down!
According to reports, George has been willing but may have had problems because of his weight.Â Poor guy!Â I'm not sure why his weight is such an issue to the ladies.Â After all, Cee-lo has a rather large frame, but he seems to do okay.
Perhaps he's not that good on dates.Â Does he talk to much about himself?Â Does he make his date order the cheapest item on the menu?Â Does he talk about past girlfriends throughout the entire dinner?Â Does he get too political?
Hopefully it's not too late for ol' LG.Â Reports state he's actually living with two potential mates right now on Pinta Island.Â Â I don't know if that's the best idea.Â Living with two potential mates never works out.Â Just ask Charlie Sheen.
An article recently came out from the Journal of Animal Ethics saying it's derogatory to call your pet a pet.Â Instead we should be calling them "companion animals".Â We're also not supposed to refer to ourselves as "owners" or "masters".Â It is much more politically correct to call ourselves "human companions".
The article goes on to says "pets" refers to when animals were property so they would be no different then "a machine or things used without moral constraint."Â Actually, I think my car gets better treatment then I do sometimes, but that's besides the point.Â We shouldn't think of these animal companions as beasts of burden.
I decided to ask Baxter, my pet animal companion what he thought about it.Â Here is an excerpt of the discussion: Me: Baxter.Â Oh Baxter.Â I'm sorry I didn't mean to wake up from your seventh nap of the day.
Baxter: What do you want?Â Have you filled my bowl with food lately?!
Me: I'm sorry.Â Let me go do that right now.Â Here's some treats as well.Â Again, sorry for waking you.Â I know you've had a busy day so far.
Baxter: Yes, I have.Â So far I've woke you up a half hour before the alarm was going to go off so you could feed me and I've slept and walked around the house a bit.
Me: It was kinda rude when you woke me up around 3:30am to eat.Â Couldn't you wait another 30 minutes?
Baxter: Excuse me?
Me: I'm sorry.Â I meant it was so cute when you walked on my face at 3:30 am and I especially loved when you licked my face right after you cleaned your backside.
Baxter: Much better.Â By the way, have you cleaned out my litter box recently.Â Wait a second.Â Let me come downstairs and WATCH you clean it.Â That's one of my favorite things to do.Â I like when you clean it and then I like to leave a mark again immediately after.Â You never know when another random cat my suddenly break into the house and attempt to mark this house as his territory.
Me: Not to change the subject, but I noticed you haven't played with about two-thirds of the pet toys I've purchased you.Â I also noticed you seem to not use the $80 water bowl that includes a mini-waterfall.Â It seems as if you prefer milk rings and old crusty water bowls.
Baxter: Are you calling me unappreciative?!Â Hey!Â A lot of people would kill to have me as a companion animal!Â Watch your step.
As you can tell, the Journal of Animal Ethics is right.Â Baxter certainly shouldn't be called a pet and I certainly don't deserve the title of master.
Note: Jonathan is taking today off, but we've called on a pair of his cargo shorts (which have been stuck in the back of his bottom drawer) to blog today in anticipation of tomorrow's 80 degree temperatures.
Hey everybody!Â What's up?!Â It's me.Â You know, that pair of cargo shorts that you should have really thrown away about four years ago, but you hold on to because I'm great for work around the yard or perhaps a quick trip to the grocery store.
Remember when you first purchased me abou years ago?Â You knew you were too old to shop at Abercrombie and Fitch, but you went inside anyway.
Remember how the music was so loud and everyone who worked there looked like they were about 12 years old?
Remember how you first pretended like you were buying clothes for a friend's kid?
You were able to get the pair you wanted and get the heck out of the store before anyone you knew saw you.Â Well done.
Now I've been forgotten and left in the very back of the drawer.Â There's some bad stuff back here.Â A 1992 Bulls Championship T-Shirt is back here!Â Really?Â That thing shrunk up and is the size of a washcloth.Â Are you really ever going to wear that thing again?
What's this?Â Another t-shirt?Â This one says WAZZZUPPP on it!Â Seriously?!Â I'm truly insulted.Â I am way more useful then both those stupid things.
I have so much more style and all these great BIG pockets for you to store important materials.Â Let's be honest.Â Every time you're out in cargo shorts you probably need a lot of key items like a canteen, giant compass and a really big map that folds up about 100 times.Â They all fit neatly in my awesome pockets.Â I also have plenty of room for your Stereo Walkman.Â Come on!Â Let's jam out to some awesome cassetteÂ tapes together.Â I heard Steve Miller has a new song out called Abracadabra.Â It sounds really cool!
Hurray!Â You're taking me out of the drawer.Â Perfect.Â Let's go watch an episode of Miami Vice before heading outside.
Wait!Â What's that trash bag labeled?Â Salvation Army?!Â No!Â Don't do it.
Fine.Â You want to send me to a second hand store?!Â Think I'm not good enough for you?
Well excusssseee me!
I don't watch the National Geographic channel on a regular basis, but I think I might start watching now. They have a show called "Taboo" which talks about weird stuff people do. When I think National Geographic, I imagine photographers running to all corners of the globe in search of some strange flying squirrel or finding some remote tribe that has never seen a bicycle. National Geographic's slogan is "Inspiring people to care about the planet since 1888." I think that may be changing a bit.
In the latest installment of "Taboo" they feature some dude who likes to literally act like a baby.
Yes, there are people who like to act like babies. Granted we all like a little tender loving care. If you get fired from a job or a big business deal falls apart, I can understand someone coming home to their spouse and wanting to be pampered. However, this guy acts like a baby on a regular basis and even has created a baby room complete with a giant crib! Before I continue this blog, you have to watch clip about Stanley, the adult baby. Once you start watching, you won't be able to turn away. The clip is about 5 minutes.
I'm wondering what this guy does for a day job and does he still have that day job after this show aired? However, the one thing that impressed me is Stanley's skills as a carpenter. He was able to make himself a giant crib and he is working on a giant high chair. Often times I feel like a baby when I have to assemble anything! I have a hard time putting together one of those cardboard boxes at the post office to send an oversize package! Don't get me started on trying to put together one of those pieces of furniture that comes with a million pieces! Why are the instructions so hard?! I don't understand why slot C doesn't fit properly into flap D and what the hell is this other screw for?!!! Maybe Stanley's got a little extra space in that crib.
Either you like licorice you don't.Â There really isn't much room for discussion.Â I think the same holds true for the Royal Wedding with William and Kate.Â Either this picture makes you smile:
Or it doesn't.
I love it and always have liked the pomp and circumstance of a royal wedding.Â Back in 1981, just two days after my birthday, Prince Charles and Lady Diana got married.Â I can't tell you exactly why a 13-year-old boy all the way from Deerfield Illinois was so interested in a royal wedding, but I was totally into it.
Two years after the wedding, my parents took me to London.Â It was my very first trip overseas and I was sucked into English culture even more.Â We stayed at the Goring Hotel, which is the same place Kate Middleton slept last night before her wedding to William today.
There's something about English culture and royalty I find appealing.Â So many people say the Queen and the Royal Family are such a waste of taxpayer money.Â I see it differently.Â I think of them as cheerleaders or even mascots for the English culture.Â The king or queen is there to provide moral support to the country.Â It may seem strange because they have nothing in common with the common man, but somehow it works.
It had to be inspiring to the British people when King George VI (Queen Elizabeth's dad) and his wife stayed while the Germans were bombing London and more specifically Buckingham Palace in World War II.
Even the day to day work of the royals has to be tough.Â We've all had to go to a dinner party where we didn't know most of the people and had to make small talk with strangers.Â That awkward feeling we have when talking to people we barely know is probably what the royals feel almost every day when in public.Â It's one long cocktail party with strangers.
As much as I enjoyed the marriage between Diana and Charles, it never seemed like they fit perfectly.Â It felt like an arranged marriage to me and as we know now, Charles really had another love who he probably should have married in the first place.
However, it really seems like William and Kate "found" each other.Â This wasn't an arranged marriage between royalty.Â Kate and William met in an art history class in college and the marriage didn't happen overnight.Â There was even the question whether Kate would want to marry William because of the heavy burden that comes with marrying royalty.
So the wedding my be expensive, but it brought literally billions of people together to watch it.Â Â It appears like William and Kate were relaxed at the ceremony.Â At least as relaxed as you can be when EVERYONE is watching.
As you may know, the Easter Bunny is a very busy bunny.Â Just like Santa Claus he must call on "helpers" to represent him around the world.Â Â I received the call via a small light purple PAAS egg in my mailbox a few weeks ago.
About 2 months ago I did receive another message via eggs.Â About 20 of them were smashed on my car, but Lindsay told me it was not from the Easter Bunny.Â I guess it was from the Munson twins.Â They've been bullying me on my way to gym class everyday, but I still refuse to give them my lunch money!Â That subject is for another blog.
Munson Twins be damned!Â I was excited to represent the bunny at our neighborhood Easter egg hunt.Â Â I was given a full bunny suit to wear and it fit nicely.Â My mission was to hang out with kids this last Saturday pose for pictures and hop around.Â About an hour before my appearance, I stepped outside and felt a little breeze.Â It seemed slightly chilly.Â I thought back to my college graduation here at the UW.Â The graduation ceremony was outside and in May.Â I remember wearing just shorts and a t-shirt under my graduation robe and I was freezing.Â I remember my father saying, "I just paid for your college education and you didn't even learn how to dress for the weather?!"
I thought I'd make my dad proud and myself comfortable by wearing a sweatshirt and sweatpants under the bunny suit.Â Of course, when I was at graduation I was wearing a thin robe.Â In this case I had a THICK and furry bunny suit.Â The walk to the park was about 3 minutes long and I was already sweating like a marathon runner in the desert about 30 seconds into my walk.Â However, I didn't want to be late so I just had to keep going.
It was a fun experience but here are a few tips for those of you who may be called to be a bunny or any other full-body mascot in the future.
1) A t-shirt and boxer shorts are all you need to wear underneath the suit unless you want to lose five pounds quickly.
2) You actually don't have to smile inside the mask while posing for pictures
3) Even if you're breathing heavily because you are overheating, the kids can't hear you (thankfully) panting in the suit
4) If a child is crying, it's probably not a good idea to hop after him trying to give him candy.Â You can't make them all fans.
5) Don't speak!Â Even if some of the kids taunt you and say you're the shortest Easter Bunny they've ever seen.
6) Don't win the Easter egg spoon race - especially if you're going against four and five-year-olds and definitely don't spike your egg after making it to the finish line.
Overall, the event was great but one kid did try to unzip my suit while I was hopping around.Â I think it might have been one of those Munson twins.
Paul Simon has a new album called So Beautiful, So What. I've really been fascinated with one of the songs called The Afterlife.Â Â Simon is obviously getting older and he's shifted his subjects from bored housewives looking for love to what will happen when he kicks the bucket.Â The old saying is "write what you know" and now for Simon, unfortunately, the afterlife is a lot closer then hanging around with Julio down at the school yard.
However, Simon takes it in stride and thinks the afterlife might be a lot like waiting around to renew your driver's license.Â This is not the official video for the song, but I think the images are great.
Enjoy "The Afterlife" and be sure to take a number and wait over there.
Click here to see the video.Â It's totally worth it!
On Saturday I was at the Sunshine Place celebrating its 4th anniversary.Â Sunshine Place is a cool organization helping those in need around Sun Prairie.Â The one and only Bucky Badger was there to help with the festivities.Â However, Bucky told me something shocking!
In the spirit of Gabby's caption contest, I'd like you to guess what he's telling me.Â Please make some suggestions in the comment section and keep it clean!
The other day Lindsay and I were reminiscing about the Big Wheel. I loved being a daredevil and riding that beautiful piece of plastic all around the neighborhood. As a kid, I didn't realize how powerful the Big Wheel can be when in the right hands. The Big Wheel is actually faster than a bus! Don't believe me? Check out what comedian Mark Malkoff did in New York City.
I have a love/hate relationship with Facebook.Â There are days where I enjoy reading what my "friend" Jeremy Random has to say about his trip to the coffee shop or what Monica Obtuse's views are on the latest episode of Dancing with the Stars.
But most of the time I can't stand it.Â It's probably best for me to check into Facebook on a weekly basis as opposed to a daily basis.Â However, I still think there are some upgrades that would make Facebook enjoyable to read everyday.
Many people have suggested a thumbs down or dislike button.Â I think this is a great idea.Â I've always wanted to give a thumbs down to status updates from people like Susan Mudane who write "Making a sandwich, but only have one piece of bread. :( "
However, a thumbs down doesn't seem powerful enough.Â How about a middle finger icon or better yet, a picture of a smiley face sticking a knife into its eye?
I think it would also be great if we can take all the well thought out political speak (both liberal and conservative) that is written on Facebook each and every day.Â I'd like toÂ turn all that "energy" into a new power source to run our cars and factories.Â I know it would be so disappointing to no longer have allÂ the very intelligent conversation Facebook political posts generate.
I don't know how I will go on if I can't read an exchange like this anymore:
Laurie Lefty: Scott Walker wants to eat little children and torture old people!
Ralph Righty: All union workers including teachers, firefighters and police are just trying to steal money and not do any work and are all stupid!
Hmmm.Â Let's see.Â Laurie obviously has done her research and make a sane and well-written point.Â Then again, Ralph also seems to be doing a good job because I'm sure his thoughts were also created after much soul searching and interviews with people who work under a union contract.
I also think there should be a new feature when it comes to making birthday greetings.Â Let's be honest, it's hard to think of something to write whenÂ you have to send a birthday greeting to Alan Arbitrary who spent a lot of time with you in fourth grade or was it fifth grade?
I think Facebook should have a few stock birthday greetings such as:
Happy Birthday!Â I really wouldn't be able to pick you out in a crowd, but I have flipped through your photos and can't believe you have such a nice house and that you and your family went on two oversea trips this last year!"
Happy b-day!Â I'd call you but I actually haven't talked to you in 16 years and I'd have to identify myself fully as in first and last name plus a quick mention of our eight weeks together at overnight camp in 1977 before you'd even know who I am.
Happy birthday!Â Why are you using your high school football picture as your profile picture?Â Have you lost not only your hair, but your will to live and you have to relieve your "glory days" in high school?Â By the way, we lost that final football game.
Happy birthday!!Â I have no @#$%-ing idea who you are or how we became Facebook friends.
Finally, I wish we had a few more options when it comes to event invitations.Â I know YES, NO and MAYBE seem to give you all the options, but I think we can do better.
How about these as options?
YOUR EVENT SOUNDS LAME
ARE YOU REALLY DOING THIS?
I THINK I'D RATHER GET A SEX CHANGE AND THEN GO THROUGH MENOPAUSE AND THEN OPT FOR A HYSTERECTOMY BEFORE ATTENDING
NO, NOT EVEN IF ME COMING TO THIS POETRY READING WOULD ACTUALLY SAVE THE PLANET FROM DESTRUCTION.
We could call this new invention: Meanbook.
I actually have to give my co-host Kitty credit for coming up with the name Meanbook.Â Maybe I'll just give her the middle finger instead.
Yesterday I took the day off of work and drove a total of 350 miles just to watch a baseball game.
I actually spent more time in the car then I did at the ballpark.
It was cold and foggy.
The temperature didn't make it about 41 degrees.
And I loved it.
For years, I've been going with my friend, Chris and his boys as well as about 20 other guys to the Chicago White Sox opening day game.Â It really never gets old.Â We've gone to games with beautiful weather and big wins.Â We've witnessed games with beautiful weather and terrible losses.Â Probably the worst combination is bad weather and a bad loss, but even that's okay.Â In the end, it's just great to be back at the park for another season of baseball.
Some of my friends andÂ co-workers don't really understand the attraction to baseball.Â It's slow moving and the season is LONG, but that's what makes it great.
Do you have a favorite sit-com?Â I imagine you enjoy watching the characters each week. Â It's almost comforting to know you'll be able to watch them again week after week.Â The same holds true for a good book.Â It's great to leave the real world for a while and escape into an amazing story.
I feel the same about baseball.Â There are plenty of characters and plenty of drama and you can follow it day in and day out.
After you finish reading the last page of a really good book,Â you always wish there was more.
There IS more baseball every year and that's one of the reasons it's great.Â So, of course, I'm going to drive hundreds of miles to celebrate the return of one of my favorite distractions.
Will I make it to the second game of the season?Â What are you nuts?! Â It's still freezing outside and they're playing at night!Â I'll head back to the park once the weather gets better!
Tuesday night was rather strange for Lindsay and me.Â We had two stops planned for the evening.Â The first was to see the musical Legally Blonde at Overture Center. I remember seeing Reese Witherspoon in the movie years ago and thinking it was cute, but a musical?Â It did not disappoint. I highly recommend checking it out before it leaves town on Sunday.
Even though I was enjoying the musical,Â I kept thinking about our next stop of the night, Mayor Dave's election party at The Brink Lounge.Â As soon as the show ended, Lindsay and I were both on our cell phones trying to get election results for the mayoral race plus Wisconsin Supreme Court.
Lindsay's phone was a little faster and she said, "It looks like Dave's losing by about 200 votes right now and the Supreme Court is also tight."
We went to The Brink Lounge and hung out with crowd watching the gap in the mayor's race grow from 200 votes to about 900 votes.Â I then heard someone say Dave was on his way.Â Suddenly there was Soglin on television.Â Music was playing in the bar so no one could hear what Soglin was saying, but he was smiling.
Mayor Dave showed up about 10 minutes later to thunderous applause.Â He and his wife, Dianne had big smiles on their faces.Â I gave Dianne a big hug and patted Mayor Dave on the back.Â They both thanked me for coming.Â Dianne even reminded me it was way past my bedtime.
Mayor Dave gave a gracious speech.Â He said Madison has many challenges ahead, but he has faith in our city.Â He then quoted Ralph Waldo Emerson,Â "What lies behind us and what lies before us matters little compared to what lies within us."
He ended up losing by about 700 votes.Â I'm not exactly sure why Mayor Dave is no longer officially Mayor Dave.Â I thought back to some of the things he's done over the last eight years.
1) He figured out how to make Halloween a fun event again and not a "smashing windows at the end of the night" event.
2) He made improvements to the Allied Drive Neighborhood.
3) He hammered out the financial issues at Overture Center.
4) He created a smoking ban in bars in Madison well before the rest of the state did it.
5) This is a bike friendly town, but he worked to make it even better.
6) He starred in at least one episode of Chad Vader.Â Click here to watch his performance.
And of course, the most important contribution the last eight years:Â He gave amazing music reviews for Triple M each month.
If Mayor Dave would have won last night, he would have become the longest continuing serving mayor in the history of Madison.
I'm sorry it didn't happen.
This year I promised myself I would be more organized when it came to picking out movies to watch at the Wisconsin Film Festival. There are so many choices and it can be overwhelming, but if you take just a little time to read the descriptions you can always find lots of films worth seeing.
I didn't do it and a day before the festival the scramble was on! First I went to the British Television Awards. It was about 1 hour and 40 minutes of commercials. Don't we skip those now with our DVR players? If all the commercials we see on a daily basis were this good, I wouldn't skip them. Imagine watching commercials as clever as the best Super Bowl ads all in one. Here were two of the ads:
Lindsay and I also went to see Potiche which is a French comedy film featuring Catherine Deneuve and Gerard Depardieu. It played on Saturday night in the Oprheum's main theatre and it did not disappoint. This movie will most likely come back around to Sundance in the next few months and a highly recommend it.
There's only thing I'm disappointed about regarding the Wisconsin Film Festival. Once again I didn't plan ahead.
Yes, we did another April Fool's bit this year.Â As we were "informing" listeners about a proposal to divide the Farmer's Market by political affiliation, we did get a few calls from people who caught on to our trick.Â Â Â If you really want to score some points, it's better to call in and play along as opposed to calling us out.Â It's fine if you want to call and remind us it's April Fool's Day, but it's better if you call and add to the joke.
A few people called trying to remember what we had done in past years.Â Here's a list:
Tolls on the Beltline: We told you a camera would take a picture of your license plate as you entered the Beltline and you would be charged 50 cents a day for use of the Beltline.Â You could ride it once or 100 times, and it would only cost 50 cents a day.Â The bill would be mailed to you monthly.
CD Sales Banned in Madison: We told you CD's were no longer going to be for sale in Madison because seagulls were getting their beaks stuck in the holes of discarded CDs.
Show Tunes Tuesday: When April Fools fell on a Tuesday, we told you a new morning music feature EVERY Tuesday would be classic show tunes.
Karaoke Banned in Madison: We told you karaoke was becoming a nuisance so it was going to be illegal in Madison.
Overture Center Renamed Halliburton Hall: We told you Dick Cheney, who spent time in grad school at the UW, was making a large contribution to save Overture Center.
Google Chip Implant: We told you Madison officials were going to insist residents get a chip implanted in their index fingers.Â This would be used by Google to measure what we buy.Â We would do it in hopes of getting Google Fiber installed in Madison.
So what will we do next year?Â You're lucky.Â April Fool's Day falls on a Sunday so probably nothing...but you never know.
Jonathan is so upset Life magazine chose Bucky Badger as one of the creepiest college mascots, he cannot write a blog today.Â Two other mascots, Sammy the banana slug from UC Santa Cruz and Mr. Okra the Okra from Delta State University will write a blog defending Bucky. Hi Badger fans!Â It's Sammy!Â I'm the Banana Slug from UC Santa Cruz.Â I can't believe Life magazine picked my good friend Bucky as a creepy mascot.Â Honestly, I'm much creepier.Â Which would you rather have humping your leg?Â A cute badger or a slug?Â What's that?Â You've already had a slug try to hump your leg?Â No, Kim Kardashian does not count as a slug.Â Sorry.
I am an upstanding slug in the community, but there are some of my relatives who haven't been as cool.Â Here are a list of slugs mascots who have been much creepier then Bucky could ever be:
1. Charlie Sheen
2. John Edwards
3. Ben Rothlisberger
4. Bobby Knight
5. Los Angeles Clippers owner, Donald Sterling
So keep your chin up, Bucky.Â At least you have a chin.
Hello Wisconsin Badger fans.Â My name is Mr. Okra and I'm the official mascot of Delta State University.Â I've even appeared on the Food Network.Â Luckily, the Barefoot Contessa was not able to get me in a bowl.Â I can't really understand what's so creepy about Bucky?Â I say nothing!Â Me on the other hand, I'm creepy.Â Read Wikipedia's description of me:
The products of the plant result in the characteristic "goo" or slime when the seed pods are cooked. While many people enjoy okra cooked this way, others prefer to minimize sliminess; keeping the pods intact and cooking quickly help to achieve this.
Nasty and creepy.Â I think it's creepy to both me the eatee and you the eater.
Bucky as a creepy mascot?!Â No way!Â I'd write more, but the cook for the student cafeteria here at Delta State just texted me.Â He wants to talk to me about something very important.Â I've got to go meet him in the kitchen.Â He told me to come alone.Â It must be really important!
I've decided to create a few new laws here in Wisconsin.Â I'm not really sure if simply publishing them on a website works, but it apparently is working in the minds of the Republicans here in Wisconsin.
How is that possible?
Well, Scott Walker's controversial budget repair bill is being held up in the courts, but it was posted on the Legislative Reference Bureau's website so Republicans are saying it is now law.Â Technically it is supposed to be published in the Wisconsin State Journal, but isn't being published because of a court order.Â Follow?Â Â Me neither, but I think this may give me the opportunity to create some new laws.
I'm not sure if Triple M's website holds as much weight as the Legislative Reference Bureau website, but we do list all the cool concerts coming to Madison and the Legislative Reference Bureau site does not.Â That's got to count for something, right?
Regardless, I'm going to make up a few "laws" here and hopefully people in Wisconsin will follow them.
1. Bear Down Law:Â From this day forward let it be law that Packer fans can no longer hassle me for being a Chicago Bears fan while I'm shopping for groceries, cutting my lawn, going for a bike ride or a jog.Â In fact, all the gloating after the Packers Super Bowl victory must stopÂ when talking to me.
2. Pick a Damn Movie Already Law:Â From this day forward when I'm going to the movie theatre the person in front of me buying tickets must at least have some sort of a vague concept of what movie he or she wants to see.Â Standing in front the ticket window with a dumb look on your face and asking, "Is The King's Speech any good?Â I think that Colin somebody is in it?Â Should we see that one?"Â is no longer allowed.
3. Texting and Tweeting while Talking to Me Law:Â I know you're important, but it is no longer legal to have a long texting conversation with someone else when you're pretending to talk to me.
4.Â Snow law:Â It is no longer legal for snow to accumulate on my driveway.
5. Grams of Fat Law:Â My favorite food items such as brownies and chocolate cake will no longer have more than 1g of fat, but still taste just as good as before.
6.Â Kitty Litter Law:Â All felines living under my roof (currently 1 named Baxter) will clean kitty litter themselves.
7. Awesome Cell Phone Connection Law: My cell phone calls will never be dropped.Â Actually, I can still hang up during a conversation if I'm bored, but the other person will be blamed for having a bad phone connection.
8. Salt and Pepper Law: My hair will stop graying now at the salt and pepper stage.
9. Tuesday-Wednesday-Thursday Work Week Law:Â The work week (for me) now starts on Tuesday and ends on Thursday.Â However, after a while Tuesday will start to feel like Monday so work week will start on Wednesday.Â When Wednesday starts to feel like Monday work week will begin on Thursday.Â When Thursday begins to feel like Monday work week will be eliminated, but I will still receive pay as if I was working 5 full days.
Let it be know that on March 29, 2011 these Jonathan Laws are now in effect or is affect?Â Wait, I forgot one...
10.Â Spelling no longer counts.
I've always liked Badger basketball coach Bo Ryan.Â He's trulyÂ made the Badger basketball program respectable.Â When I was a student here the best we could hope for was a trip to the N.I.T. tournament.
I don't just like Bo because he wins.Â I also like him because he paid his dues before making it here in Madison.
His path to becoming the Badger head coach took some time. Here's a list of his coaching jobs:
1) High school coach in Aston, Pennsylvania
2) Assistant coach UW-Madison
3) Head coach UW-Platteville
4) Head coach UW-Milwaukee
5) Head coach UW-Madison
He finally became the head coach here in Madison when he was in his early 50's.Â The few times I've met Ryan he has been polite and ready to answer any questions about basketball.Â In recent interviews during and after games, he seems to be having fun.Â He demands plenty from his players, but doesn't appear to be a tyrant like Bobby Knight.
The Butler Bulldogs head coach, Brad Stevens seems to be the exact opposite of Ryan.Â Stevens was barely in his 30's when he got the head coaching job at Butler.Â Despite getting the job so young, he also worked hard to get to his position.Â Stevens was working in the marketing department of Eli Lilly ( a drug company), but he really wanted to coach.Â Stevens gave up a decent paying job to work as a volunteer in Butler's front office. Soon he was made an assistant coach and actually got a paycheck.Â After several more years,Â he became the head coach and has been winning every since.Â Last year Butler lost to Duke in the championship game by only two points.
Both Bo and Brad have a great passion for basketball.
Both Bo and Brad have paid their dues although they've taken different paths to get to where they are today.
I rooted for Stevens and the Butler Bulldogs last year and I would have again this year...IF his team wasn't playing Wisconsin.
Jonathan is taking the day off from blogging.Â A patch of dirty snow on the front lawn of the radio station will be writing a guest blog today.Hey Wisconsinites!Â I have to admit I'm a little depressed.Â I've been hanging out here for about three weeks and no one seems to pay much attention to me.Â In fact, I think I've heard a few derogatory comments made about me when people are leaving the building.
I don't understand why?Â What's not to like about me?Â My combination of dirt, sand, salt, ice and just a touch of snow is beautiful.Â I'm much nicer then a pile of dog crap.Â Okay, maybe not that much nicer and I 'll admit your kids can't make a snowman out of me either.Â One of my best features is taking up space in parking lots.Â That's good, right?
I know you've already had your fill of snow in December, January and February and now you're ready for spring.Â But why not get down on the ground an make a couple of dirt, sand, salt, ice, snow angels in me?
What's that?Â Oh, you don't want to get your spring coat that you mistakenly wore today because you thought it would be 60 degrees again dirty?Â I understand.
It's cold today.
It's rainy today.
There's lots of snow falling north of Madison.
It's a Tuesday.
Why would this be one of the best days of the year?Â It's simple.Â I'm going to have lunch with my friend, Chris at the Blue Moon.
Still don't have a clue, right?
Why would seeing a guy named Chris for lunch be so awesome?
Each year around this time we meet for lunch and catch up on each other's lives.Â Chris usually tells me about his kids and I tend to ramble on about my wife, Lindsay or about life at the radio station.Â However, that's not why this is such a special lunch
Today Chris will hand me my ticket to the Chicago White Sox home opener for 2011.
As Ken Harrelson would say, "Put it on the board...YES!"
In this case, I'll simply put it on the fridge until the big day.
The latest internet sensation is Rebecca Black with her new Friday song. As I'm writing this blog, more than 30 MILLION people have watched her video. She a 13-year-old girl whose parents paid $2,000 for the song and the video. It was created by a company called Ark Music Factory. They wrote the song and aut0-tuned the crap out of her voice. The lyrics are dumb, but then again some of our greatest songs have really bad lyrics. Check out some of the words to Bob Marley's "I Shot the Sheriff" and America's "Horse with No Name." A discussion about dumb lyrics will be a different blog. Let's get back to the subject at hand, Rebecca Black.
I can't imagine she's the only teenage girl to have her parents pay for her to make a music video. In fact, if you go to the Ark Music Factory website you can see a video for a girl named Alana Lee singing a song called Butterflies. Her video is just as bad, but only has 2.3 million views. 2 million hits is still an amazing number consider a Stevie Wonder You Tube video for his song Higher Ground only has 1.8 million hits.
What does this really mean? We now have the power to pass along information instantly all over the world. You Tube's slogan is "Broadcast Yourself." Does this mean Rebecca Black is famous?
I guess she's famous because people are talking about her and she's already appeared on ABC's Good Morning America, but is she talented? Maybe she has a good voice and an outgoing personality. She reminds me of some of the girls who were in musicals when I was in high school.
On the positive side, artists now have a more outlets to get songs noticed. On the negative side, more "performers" who are probably not really deserving of our attention are getting it.
If you haven't seen it yet...
A sigh of relief as the Badgers beat Belmont yesterday in the NCAA tournament. We don't have to get nervous until tomorrow night when Bucky goes up against Kansas State. In the meantime, here's a very important message from Ben Stiller.
The NCAA Tournament is underway! Now we can all be distracted from our jobs for at least a few days as it's basketball, basketball and more basketball. One of the most inspiring parts of the tournament is all the Cinderella teams. It's great to see small schools grab the spotlight. Remember George Mason a few years ago or Northern Iowa last year?
Cinderella teams are always a joy to watch except when they beat your team. Last year Bucky got knocked off by Cornell which is not only a Cinderella team but a very smart one too. Losing to an Ivy League school is like being dumped by a beautiful girl who also happens to be a rocket scientist. This year the Badgers face the Belmont Bruins in the first round.
Let's skip the important stuff when it comes to match ups such as size, speed and shooting percentages. Let's go with the intangibles:
Madison: Bucky Badger
Here's the only video I could find of the Belmont Fight song:
Now here's Wisconsin's:
No comparison, right? Advantage Badgers, right? Keep in mind the video you just watched came from the Rose Bowl where the Badgers lost to tiny Texas Christian University.
Tonight the Badgers will face another Cinderella. Even thought I usually like underdogs I have no problem with the Badgers being the ugly stepsister who locks Cinderella in the closet!
When I was a kid, I was amazed by some of the changes my grandparents experienced throughout their lives.Â Both my grandmothers came to America from Russia on "the boat."Â Both grandmothers were in homes where Yiddish was the primary language.Â Yes, they lived through major events like The Great Depression and World War II, but I was more interested in some of the other "big" events they saw first hand.
I asked them what it was like to watch television for the first time or to fly in a jet airplane or have a telephone number which was only 4 digits.Â I remember thinking I would never experience a drastic change when it came to technology.Â I suppose everyone who doesn't have a tech-savvy mind also thinks everything cool has already been invented.Â Meanwhile, those who have the Thomas Edison bug are trying to come up with the next awesome invention.Â I'm sure Bill Gates and Steve Jobs didn't think everything cool had already been invented when they were kids.
I feel like the introduction of the fax machine was a soft change in technology for me.Â It was a cool invention, but it didn't blow my mind.Â Even the invention of the DVR didn't do much for me. When I was a kid, I wondered if there would be a way for VCRs to skip the commercials. I remember thinking it wouldn't be possible because advertisers would be upset.Â Â I was rightÂ about grumpy advertisers, but it didn't stop it the DVR from happening.
I think the latest technical revolution hit me when I was talking with Jimmie Linville the other night.Â He was our Project M Season Two champion and he's back to serve as a judge in this year's competition.Â I mentioned to Jimmie about not being able to remember how I got things done when I didn't have e-mail on my cell phone.Â He agreed and couldn't imagine how anyone was ever able to get anything done with dial up internet service.
Yes.Â You read it correctly.
Jimmie couldn't imagine how things got done when you had to use dial up internet!
Life without the internet to him was like me trying to imagine life without indoor plumbing.
It was at that point I realized we're not on the Information Superhighway.Â We're on the Information Autobahnen.
Jimmie asked me life was like before THE INTERNET.
For a split second, I felt like my grandmothers talking about life in the old days.
All I could think was "Oy gevalt!"
I usually have sympathy for sports fans who have their hearts broken by a team.Â However, I'm having a really hard time mustering up any tears for my friend Larry.
First of all, he's a Yankees fan so he's had his share of thrills.Â This year his Alma mater, Harvard almost made it to the NCAA tournament for the first time since 1946.
In case you don't keep track of college basketball,Â the winner of each conference gets an automatic bid to the tournament.Â Some conferences have several teams invited to the tournament such as the Big Ten, but that's not the case with the Ivy League.
I can't really make too much fun of the Ivy League because last year Cornell beat Wisconsin in the tournament.
This year Harvard had a one game playoff with Princeton to decide which team would represent the Ivy League.
Larry scored aÂ ticket to the game and went to New Haven, Connecticut.Â The game was played at a neutral site (Yale) in order to keep things fair.
Harvard ended up losing as Princeton's Douglas Davis made a basket with less then a second left on the clock to win the game.
Larry and his Harvard pals were devastated and I could hear the disappointment in his voice when talking to him after the game.
However, after further discussion with Larry I realized these two teams shouldn't even be playing each other in basketball.Â Why?Â Both schools are too highbrow for this savage game.
Fan-made signs at most sporting events are usually pretty obnoxious. After Brett Favre was accused of texting pictures of his private partsÂ to women, fans had signs like "Brett, We thought your were crazy but now we see your nuts."Â It may be lowbrow, but it's also hysterical.
Larry told me one of the signs at the Ivy League playoff game (pictured above) boasted about Harvard havingÂ more Presidents of the United States as graduates than Princeton.
At a Badger game we chant "Go Badgers".Â At Harvard they probably chant "150,000 starting" which I assume is the average starting salary for graduates there.
We've all heard the line from Shakespeare: ""What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet."
I've always thought that was a great saying, but then again my name isn't Ima Hogg. She was a real person. In fact, Ima came from a very wealthy family in Houston Texas. If you want to waste a little time, click here to read more about Ima.
Anyway, the point of today's blog is not to make fun of Ima Hogg or Anita Goodman or Heywood Jablome.
Today I'm focusing on the art of naming race horses. There have been some classics like Man O' War, Secretariat, Whirlaway, Sea Biscuit and Seattle Slew. However, all these names pale in comparison to the winner of this horse race:
Absolutely classic! Although it's not my all-time favorite. This next race features my two favorite names, but these names only work when the two horses are racing together and they finish in first and second.
Earlier this week Nicole Atkins visited for a Live from Studio M session. She's another up and coming artist who has some interesting stories from the past. Atkins may not be a household name, but she has appeared on David Letterman's show and Conan O' Brien's shows as the musical guest. A lot of musicians will have a song featured in a commercial, but Atkins did a lot more when it came to this American Express commercial. It's about her.
Atkins was a great guest in Studio M because she not only played great music, but she had great stories too. She used to deliver singing telegrams and one job required her to dress as one of the Teletubbies. She wanted to get the part right so she watched the show and realized they don't sing they squeak. Atkins says she took the job seriously so she squeaked.
She also spent several years as a muralist, which is what she studied in school. She didn't paint the next Sistine Chapel. She did paint a lot of Italian restaurants and says she's really good at painting a grape vine on a wall. Atkins got to meet Stevie Nicks recently, and says the conversation was great. Although, it started rather awkward. She was so excited to meet Nicks that she said, "Hey man!" Atkins says she probably could have come up with a better opening statement, but ended up having a great conversation about singing.
Atkins has a rather unique sound. Imagine if Roy Orbison, Chris Isaak and filmmaker David Lynch created a musician. That's Atkins' sound. Here's a one song from her Studio M session:
It's time for another moment of distraction!Â Kitty and I have been talking about all the turmoil connected to Governor Scott Walker's "budget repair bill", but we've also done are best to coverÂ other subjects as well.
So here's another moment of distraction.Â Actually this moment of distraction comes every year around this time.Â It's something I look forward to even if we don't have a governor doing his best to pit the people of his state against each other.
What is this moment?Â It's the first pre-season baseball game for my beloved Chicago White Sox.
Heck yeah!Â This afternoon there will be baseball on the radio.Â Will the game matter?Â No.Â Will the players try very hard?Â Not really.Â Most of them are still trying to shake the winter off.
It doesn't matter because this is the first step towards another season of hope and promise.Â As much as I enjoy football and basketball, baseball is my first love.Â There have been plenty of books, movies, songs and even musicals written about baseball.Â So I'm not going to try to compose some brilliant statement about why the game is so great.Â It's been done many times before by people who are much better writers then me.
I understand a lot of people think baseball is boring and I'm not writing this to convince anyone about why it's so enjoyable to follow.
Those who love it know what I'm talking about.Â It's great to see snow on the ground, but hear your favorite announcers in the air.Â Even if it's cold outside, the sound of baseball takes you back to summer and what lies ahead.
My dad always says the most exciting time for a big event like a vacation or an anniversary or birthday is the day BEFORE the event.Â He says the anticipation is often times better than the actual event.Â I couldn't agree more.
Later today I'llÂ turn on the radio and hear a little of aÂ pre-season meaningless game and I couldn't be more excited.
There are some great songs from the 70's, but there are plenty of songs that were awful. One of those is "Watching Scotty Grow". However, thank goodness the song was made because it gave Madison's very own Peter Leidy a chance to make a great parody.
Here's to you Governor Walker...
We get a little frustrated when the Badgers lose a game in basketball these days. When I was a student here at the UW, the basketball team was not very good. We dreamed of going to the NIT Tourney each year and most years we were rejected. However, the Badgers would still win SOME games each year. However, Cal Tech lost 310 games in a row! You don't really think of Cal Tech as a sports powerhouse. People go to Cal Tech because they dominate in the classroom not in the gym.
The losing streak for Cal Tech started back in 1985 and didn't end until the other night. Check out the celebration as this Division III school finally chalked up a victory.
There's talk about cutting funding to PBS and NPR in an attempt to help cut down the deficit.Â These cuts would most likely have a big impact on our friends living on Sesame Street.Â I decided to check in with some of the residents there to see how they're holding up.
My first interview is with Burt.
Me:Â Hello, Burt.Â Thank you for taking a moment to talk about this potentially horrible situation
Burt: No problem.Â It is very scary, but I'm really not that scared about the proposed cuts.
Burt: I've actually been investing in a little company called Haliburton the last few years.Â My friend, Dick suggested I throw a little money there way.
Me: Do you mean, Dick Cheney?
Burt:Â Yeah, we used to room together back in college.Â Anyway, he said it's only a matter of time before this place gets shut down so I needed to watch out for number 1.Â That's me.Â By the way, this conversation is brought to you by the number 1.
Next up: Oscar the Grouch.
Oscar:Â Hello, Jonathan.Â I imagine you're hear to talk about the proposed cuts.
Me: I am.Â Are you scared?
Oscar:Â Dude.Â I live in a @#$-ing garbage can.Â What the f--k are they going to do to me?Â Take away the lid to my can.Â I'M HOMELESS AND KNOW ONE HAS BOTHERED TO NOTICE ALL THESE YEARS.Â HELLO!Â I'M LIVING IN A GARBAGE CAN!Â Maybe these cut backs will be good.Â Maybe it will bring Big Bird and Elmo down to earth.Â Those jerks have nice homes!Â This segment if brought to you by the letters F and U.
I thought it would make sense to visit Big Bird next.
Big Bird:Â Yeah, Oscar has always had a bug up his butt about me living in luxury.Â But what does he want?Â I've worked hard to get to my position and as leader of the local MFL-CIO.
Me: What does MFL-CIO stand for?
Big Bird: The Muppet Federal of Labor - Congress of Industrial Organizations, duh!
Me: My bad.Â So aren't you upset about the Republicans push to cut funding?
Big Bird: Of course, I'm concerned but I do have some reserves.Â You know who my brother is, right?
Me: Larry Bird?
Big Bird: You got it and this segment is brought to you by the letter L for Lame.Â The Larry Bird joke was Lame.Â Now move on to someone else.
After talking with Big Bird, I moved on to Ernie.
Ernie:Â I'm freaking out!
Me: I know it seems really bad.
Ernie: No, it's not the proposed budget cuts.Â I've just been reading the back of this bronzer cream I've been using for the last 30 years.Â It says you shouldn't use it for more than a couple of weeks at a time.Â I'm a little concerned about my health!Â I guess I shouldn't really worry because I bet me health care will cover any problems.
I didn't have the heart to tell him he has a $5,000 deductible.Â Let's move on to the Cookie Monster.
Cookie Monster:Â Mmm.Â Yum.Â Cookies.Â Do you have any cookies?!
Me: Dude, I love cookies.Â However, have you ever thought of mixing in a little fruit every now and then?
Cookie Monster:Â Cookies so good.Â Mmmm.
Me: Seriously, it's probably not that healthy.
In an English sounding voice Cookie Monster says: Look, my good man.Â Of course, I know the dangers of cookies.Â I run at least three miles each and every day, I practice Yoga two times a week and I'm quite a good Equestrian too.Â I direct a traveling Shakespeare theatre group and I'm a visiting professor at Columbia University.Â I teach physics.
Me: I had no idea.Â So why do you act like such a moron and only talk about cookies?
Cookie Monster:Â It pains me to say, but I have an exclusive deal with the Keebler Cookie Company.Â They pay me seven figures a year to go bats--t about cookies.Â It allows me to pursue my other passions, which include painting and helping to build hospitals in Uganda.
Finally, I made a stop to see The Count.
Count: 1, 2, 3, 4 what can I do you for?
Me: Hello Count.Â I'm talking to residents of Sesame Street about the proposed cuts in federal funding.
Count: 5, 6, who gives a s--t?
Me:Â I'm surprised not only at your indifference but at how much all the members of Sesame Street have been swearing during this interview.
Count: 7, 8, 9, my, my you are really far behind.
Me: How so?
Count: Look.Â I'm going to stop counting for a moment.
Me: Thank you.
Count:Â I'm the count.Â I'm a vampire.Â Do you know how popular vampires have become in the last few years?Â Twilight, True Blood, The Vampire Diaries, Vampire Weekend.Â People are eating this stuff up like crazy and I'm cashing in!Â Weddings, Bar Mtizvahs, corporate retreats.Â I'm in demand constantly.Â Â Â Not only is it Team Edward but it's Team Count from Sesame Street.Â Robert Pattinson and I are laughing all the way to the bank.
Now that the Big Game is over and Green Bay was victorious, there's only one thing left to do and that's buy championship gear.Â We all do it.
When the White Sox won the World Series, I was sure to buy an official baseball hat, t-shirt and even a winter ski cap.Â Â However, there was something rather silly that I did or I should say I didn't do.
There was a period of time where I wouldn't wear any of it.Â Why?Â I was afraid it would start to look worn.Â In fact, I didn't wear the White Sox Champion winter ski cap until this winter!Â Keep in mind they won the World Series in 2005.
This winter I finally realized it's just plan stupid to try and preserve it.Â What would I be preserving it for exactly?Â So now I wear myÂ gear proudly.
Being a Bears fan I won't get Packer gear, but all of you Green and Gold backers should go get some stuff as soon as possible and don't wait 5 plus years to wear it either.
Kitty and I gave away some gear on the air on Tuesday, and there's plenty more at Dick's Sporting Goods.
I was really bummed Christina Aguilera botched the National Anthem last night.Â I've watched her perform it several times and I think she has an amazing voice.Â While watching her last night, I felt my stomach drop for a split second when she skipped some of the lyrics and then mixed together a few others to get back on track.Â If you weren't paying close attention, you probably missed it.Â However, now with all the Tweeting, Facebooking and blogging she was instantly criticized by the masses.
Moments after it happened, Lindsay jumped on Facebook and saw people making comments about the mistake.Â I guess in our new immediate connection society everyone can instantly sound off without any thought.Â Sure, this is great if we suddenly have to pass information to people quickly about aliens attacking, but otherwise it often reminds me of a mob complete with pitchforks and torches.
Now that we have the capability to send our thoughts out immediately, we don't necessarily think.Â I don't think Christina Aguilera is upset that tons of random people she doesn't know complained about her mistake, but it still bothers me that everyone has to instantly sound off on everything all the time.
Mike Royko was a fantastic newspaper columnist in Chicago newspapers for years.Â He was considered one of the hardest working in the business because he would write a column every week day.Â Most columnist write two or maybe three pieces a week.Â He would have all day to compose a column that was probably 600 to 1200 words long.Â That was his job.Â He would spend all day working on it.Â A lot of them were good, but not all of them and he was a professional.
I guess it's better that everyone can have a voice, but as writer Aaron Sorkin recently said, "Everyone deserves a voice, but not everyone deserves a microphone."
Now you might say it's ironic because this is a blog post.Â I'm doing exactly what I'm complaining about.Â I agree.Â I'm writing this blog at home.Â There's no editor, no proof reader and no one to "run this by" before I hit publish.
Royko used to end his columns with a great closing line.Â I imagine he sat there for a long time until he came up with the perfect ending.Â I remember reading some of his stuff and actually getting a chill as I read the last line.
Now our last lines are things like : LOL, OMG and WTF.
It's really starting to feel like we're all speaking a lot more, but we're really not saying anything.
Royko died at age 64 from a brain aneurysm in 1997.Â He was way too young.Â I can't come up with a good ending for this "column" so I'll borrow something from the master:
"It's been my policy to view the Internet not as an 'information highway', but as an electronic asylum filled with babbling loonies."
Over the last few days there has been a lot of controversy regarding Tweets sent by Green Bay Packers Nick Barnett and Jermichael Finley and Aaron Rodgers.
I actually have a solution so this doesn't happen again.Â I'm proud to announce a new product which will revolutionize the way we communicate with each other!Â It's called the Twitter Critter.Â This tool will make using Twitter so much better for everyone and it's FREE!
The Twitter Critter is a special upgrade for your Twitter account.Â It's something that will make each Tweet you send infinitely better.
Let me explain how the Twitter Critter works.Â First of all, you don't need to buy anything new to use the Twitter Critter.Â It's already with you and located in a solid, protective case above your neck!Â It's between your ears and behind your eyes.
Go ahead.Â Take a moment to rub your hand on top of your head.Â Yes, that's it.Â The Twitter Critter is located under that hard surface.
Okay.Â Now that you've found your Twitter Critter, let me explain how to use it.
Using Twitter was really easy in the past.Â In fact, it was just two simple steps.
Step 1: Type any thought that comes into your mind on your Twitter account.
Step 2: Hit enter.
Now with the Twitter Critter there's only one more step.
Step 1: Type any thought that comes into your mind on your Twitter account.
Now here's the big difference:
STEP 2:Â TAKE A FRIGGIN' SECOND TO LOOK AT WHAT BRILLIANT THOUGHT YOU WROTE AND THEN USE YOUR TWITTER CRITTER TO DECIDE IF IT'S REALLY WORTH SENDING OUT.
Step 3 now actually has three choices:
Choice 1) Hit enter
Choice 2) Edit what you wrote and make it better
Choice 3) *Best Choice* Erase and stop Tweeting because no one really gives a crap about your random thoughts anyway.
Good luck and enjoy using your Twitter Critter!Â Â In fact, you can even try to use your Twitter Critter in other situations like when you speak.
Frankly, I'm a little sick to my stomach.
As you may know, I'm a Bears fan and I made a friendly wager with Mayor Dave.Â He, of course, is a Packers fan.Â The bet was simple. If the Bears would have won last week, Mayor Dave would come on my show and sing "Bear Down, Chicago Bears."Â It's a great song and I'm sure everyone would have enjoyed hearing it.Â The song has great lyrics like:
"Bear down, Chicago Bears.Â Let every play lead the way to victory"
"Bear down, Chicago Bears.Â Put up a fight with a might so fearlessly"
"We'll never forget the way you thrilled the nation with the T-formation"
"You're the pride and joy of Illinois, Chicago Bears...Bear Down"
That's a great song and I'm sure Mayor Dave would have a sounded fantastic.Â Â Alas, we won't get to hear him sing.Â However, I have to live up to my part of the bet and that's what is making me sick.Â We bet that if the Packers won, I'd have to come to a Madison City Council Meeting dressed in full Packers garb.Â Here's the problem.Â I don't know if I can really do it. I have some strict rules when it comes to wearing clothes and more specifically sports gear.Â I know these rules are strange, but I've stuck to them since, well, since forever.
Rule #1Â Don't wear the same underwear more than 3 2 days in a row.
Rule #2 It is acceptable to wear a shirt inside out to hide a food stain
Rule #3 Only wear sports gear from Chicago (except the Cubs)
Rule #4 Only wear college gear from Wisconsin (my alma mater) OR college gear from my wife, Lindsay's school. (Lewis & Clark)
Rule #5 Never, ever, ever, wear sports gear from the enemy such as Packers, Twins, Vikings, Indians, Golden Gophers.
I have followed these rules my entire life..Â I was going to ask Mayor Dave if we could alter the bet a little.Â Â However, I then remembered what happened to him just a few weeks ago after the Rose Bowl.
I guess I'll be wearing Green and Gold for the first time on Tuesday.
Times are tough for Bears fans, but even tougher if you're a Bears fan here in Wisconsin.
I, Jonathan Suttin the morning guy here at 105.5 Triple M want to provide you with a little Bear Zen.
We still have two long weeks of hearing about Clay Matthews and his long, flowing, greasy hair.
We've got two more weeks of hearing about how Aaron Rodgers will lead the Packers to the promised land and bring the glorious Lombardi Trophy back to its rightful home in Green Bay and how the team has had no gap in hall of fame quarterbacks leading the team.
We still have two weeks of Charles Woodson giving a shout out to President Barack Obama and how the Green and Gold will be coming to the White House soon.
Okay, let's all clear our minds and have a moment of Bear Zen.
Today our Bear Zen exercise requires you to close you eyes and breath deeply.
Feel the lakefront air of Solider Field going into your lungs.
Breathe in again and smell the Shed Aquarium.
Now breathe in and the smell of cars on Lake Shore Drive.
Now picture a big cuddly bear.Â MaybeÂ it's Brian Urlacher.Â He's running towards you and ready to give you a big bear huge.
You rub his smooth bald head an know that everything will be okay in just two short weeks.
Will Aaron Rodgers suddenly retire?
Will the Packers move to another state to play football?
However, football season will really be over and the only professional sports team Wisconsin can enjoy for the next two months is the Milwaukee Bucks.
It's Restaurant Week here in Madison and I had a chance to try out 43 North. It's the brand new restaurant on King Street where Cafe Continental was located for years.Â Lindsay and I went to eat with a couple of friends who we had taken to Cafe Continental about a year ago.Â It was hard to believe it was the same place.Â Although the manager told me the whole thing was remodeled in just about two weeks, it was hard to believe.
As soon as you walk in, it feels like a totally different place.Â There's not a lot of art on the walls or curtains in the window.Â It has a very clean and crisp feel to it.
The staff can also be described as crisp.Â Our waiter was quite knowledgeable and dressed in black with a light blue tie which featured the 43 North logo very subtly stitched near the bottom.Â He describe all the first, second and third course items in great detail.Â I can't recreate his amazing descriptions, but I felt like I was getting an education in new food and food preparations.
One of the items on the menu was hazelnut cannelloni, mushrooms, braised greens and banyuls emulsion.Â Another was braised beef cheek, fontina cheese raviolo and beef jus.Â I know what you're thinking.Â How many times do we have to eat braised beef cheek and I can't believe the hazelnut cannelloni has banyuls emulsion?!
Seriously, the presentation of the food was amazing.Â The taste?Â What do you think?Â It was fantastic. We sat down for dinner at about 7pm and didn't leave until close to 10pm.Â The time flew as conversation was good, but the food and atmosphere was even better.
43 North is not just a place to visit during Madison Magazine's Restaurant Week, but should also be in your roster of big city restaurants that we're lucky enough to have right here in Madison.
Note: Jonathan is so freaked out by the game between the Packers and Bears he can't write a blog today.Â In his place, is the 5-year-old version of Jonathan.
Hi Everybody!Â I'm so really super, duper excited for the big game on Sunday.Â My mom and dad say I can watch the whole thing and I can even have some snacks during the game!Â I've been a Bears fan my whole life, which is a really long time.Â I've been a fan for this long (holds up five fingers).
I know the Bears will win because I'm wearing my special Bears outfit that my grandma bought me.Â Check out my cool hat and jacket.Â It's just like the players wear!
Editors note: You may notice a chain link fence behind Jonathan in the picture.Â The fence is there because Jonathan and his faithful poochÂ like to run in the street. Now back to the blog:
You're not so confident the Bears will win?Â You are silly and stupid.Â I know the Bears will win because in all the years I've been alive which is a LONG TIME (again, holds up five fingers) I've never experienced disappointment.
I've had great birthday parties with cake and ice cream and my grandparents come and visit all the time and all my friends are funny and really happy.Â There's no chance of anything every going wrong.Â I know my faithful dog will be by my side forever and we will grow old together and always play.
The Bears will win the Super Bowl every year.Â When I get older it will be easy to find a job.Â I will always be treated with respect by my co-workers and bosses.Â I'll never have any regrets like a lost weekend in Vegas or buying a crap used car from some random guy.
I'll never get so drunk at a frat party that I black out and don't believe I ran across campus in my underwear until I see the pictures.Â Nope.Â It's always going to be gumdrops and rainbows for me!Â And it starts with the Bears beating the Packers.Â Remember I know because I've been on this earth a REALLY LONG TIME.Â (Holds up five fingers one last time).
Note: Jonathan is a little too freaked out about the big game on Sunday between Green Bay and Chicago.Â He's too nervous (or lazy) to write a blog.Â Therefore, today's guest blogger is Staley, the Chicago Bears mascot.Greetings Football Fans!Â I'm pretty fired up about the game this weekend.Â I don't know why Jonathan is being such a wimp about the whole thing.Â I've been roaming the sidelines in Chicago for the last few years and I've learned a few things about Green Bay and there's nothing to be worried about.
Let's start with their quarterback, Aaron Rogers.Â He's calm, cool and collected.Â Â He's thrown for about 10-million yards in the last few seasons and doesn't look like he'll let up anytime soon.Â He was a true gentleman during the whole Brett Favre saga and he doesn't like to take pictures with his cell phone.
Okay, that probably won't make Bear fans feel any better.Â Let's move on.
Let's talk about outside linebacker Clay Matthews.Â His hair is annoying, but he comes from a football family.Â His father and uncle played in the pros for years and his uncle is even in the Pro Football Hall of Fame.Â His younger brother plays for the University of Oregon and his cousin plays for the Tennessee Titans.Â In other words, football is literally in his blood.
I guess that was also a bad example.Â How about wide receiver Donald Driver?Â Let's see.Â He's the all-time leader for Packer receptions.Â He's caught 693 passes.Â Big deal!Â He probably has no time for anything else.Â What's that?Â He's also written two children's books.Â AND in 2002 he was named the Walter Payton Man of the Year?!Â Wait!Â Payton played for us!
Hmmm.Â How about that running back James Starks.Â He sucks, right?Â He ran for how many yards against the Eagles?!Â Are you kidding me?!Â The Bears drafted him, but then changed their minds and picked Central Michigan quarterback Dan LeFevour instead.Â Crap.
Wait.Â Don't panic.Â I know one thing we have in Chicago that isn't in Green Bay.Â TRAFFIC!Â Maybe the Packer team bus will get caught in traffic on the way to the game and they'll be late.Â Â A mascot can dream, can't he?
I don't know if you caught the beginning of the Bears game this last Sunday, but the guy who sings the National Anthem for the Chicago Blackhawks was invited to sing at the Bears game. His name is Jim Cornelison and he does it old school opera style. However, you don't really ever get to hear him if you're at a hockey game.
Since the mid 80's, fans at Blackhawks games cheer through the entire National Anthem. It first happened in 1985 when Wayen Messmer sang the it. The team was down 0 -2 in a playoff series against the Edmonton Oilers and the fans did it to fire the team up.
On Sunday as soon as Cornelison was introduced the crowd knew it was their cue to start cheering like crazy. I hope the Bears invite Cornelison back to sing this Sunday. Whether you are a Packer or Bear fan, this version will probably give you chills.
Note:Â There's a new astrological sign added to the mix and some astrologists are saying all of our signs have been adjusted. The new sign is Ophiuchus.Â Jonathan has decided to let this new sign write a blog today in his place.Â By the way, Jonathan is a Leo.Hello Stargazers!Â It's Ophiuchus.Â I'm the newest sign to be added to the Zodiac chart.Â Don't fear me.Â I'm a cool sign.Â First of all, let's get the dates set.Â If you were born between November 29th to December 17th, you're in my club!Â How fun!Â Let me tell you a little more about myself and in turn, yourself too.
I'm really fun at parties.Â I usually hang out near the snack table.Â I'm really into bean dip and honestly, I double dip whenever I get the chance.
I'm not really that organized, but I like to think I can work well on the fly.Â I'm pretty creative, if I do say so myself.Â I also like to duck out on paying the check when with a group of friends.Â I usually say I have to go to the bathroom and then hide there until after the bill is paid.
I tend to be very affectionate.Â That is if you define affectionate as calling you about 30 times the morning after our first date.Â I mean you had fun, right?!Â Why aren't you answering your cell phone!!!!
Okay, I'm not really that hard working.Â I haven't really had a full-time job in two years, but that allows me to be a free spirit and just enjoy the world as it happens.Â Besides, I don't know why Mr. Harrison fired me from Burger King.Â Honestly, what's so bad about tasting a customer's french fries?!Â I wanted to make sure they weren't too salty .Â That's also the reason I took a bite out of that Whopper too.
I am a good dresser.Â I really love wearing comedy t-shirts.Â My favorite is a picture of street sign.Â It has two stick people making love and the sign says MERGE.
Hahahahaha!Â How great is that?!
My taste in music is awesome as well.Â I tend to buy those Time-Live 20 CD sets.Â I have everything from the Best Guitar Riffs Ever to Classic 70's Rock.Â You'll have to stop by my apartment some time and check out my awesome collection.
So don't feel bad if you're now an Ophiuchus.Â We're going to have a great time together.Â You'll be rockin' with the Big O!
By the way, can you drive?Â I lost my license last year.
Remember when Whitney Houston sang the National Anthem at the Super Bowl? It is often considered one of the best renditions in recent memory. One of my personal favorites is Christina Aguilera singing it at Game 6 of the NBA finals last year. However, this one at a minor league hockey game in Virginia for the Norfolk Admirals may be the best.
It was done by an 8-year-old named, Elizabeth Hughes. Her voice is really good, but what makes this version so great is what happens after her microphone breaks. It actually gives me chills.
By the way, here's Christina Aguilera's version from Game 6 of the NBA Finals last year. The Lakers like this performance so much, they had her come back and sing again for Game 7.
And, of course, here's Whitney's.
It happened last night in the final 2 seconds of the BCS Championship game between Auburn and Oregon. Did you hear it? The Auburn Tigers were going for a field goal to win the game and win a national title. Brent Musburger was announcing the game. I've been listening to Musburger as a sportscaster since I was a little kid. I remember watching him cover football for CBS back in the 1980's. I've always liked his mellow delivery style, but perhaps he went a bit too far last night. Watch the video...
Is it too commercial for him to say, "This is for all the Tostitos". I'm sure the marble manufactures were upset. I've read some reports that was worth about 2.5 million in advertising to the chip company. Maybe, it's not that bad. If our sports announcer just quickly drop in sponsors without have to take the time for commercial breaks, I might like it.
Here's an example of how coverage of sporting event could sound.
Baseball: "This is a close game. The Brewers are up by 1 run in the eighth, but I know they'd like to get an (Allstate) insurance run before heading to the ninth."
Basketball: "LeBron James has the ball and he's (test ) driving (a Chevy) down the lane for the score!"
Hockey: "Oh. He's going to be penalized for cross- (US Bank) checking.
Horse racing: "I think this horse has a chance to win the Triple (AAA) Crown."
Volleyball: "Johnson jumps up and Spike (TV) the ball!"
Boxing: "Ouch! That was a (Kraft) Kidney (Beans) Punch. That's gotta hurt."
Well, that's all the (Casio) time I have today to write (guard deodorant) my blog today. I hope you'll check (Chili's baby) back (ribs) tomorrow for more insightful comments. You know the only place to get the whole (foods) story is here. My budget (car rental) for this blog has gone up so I should be able to create more and more blogs just for you. Wrangler jean, Kleenex, Coca-Cola, Lifesavers, Charmin, Meow Mix.
I'm really rooting for Ted Williams. He's the homeless man who used to be in radio and was re-discovered on the side of the road in Ohio asking for spare change. His life has changed dramatically in just a matter of a few days. He's gone from being homeless to being on The Today Show, The Jimmy Fallon Show and has already done voice work for Kraft Mac & Cheese.
Americans love second chances and people rising from the ashes. I hope Williams can handle all the attention and potential money ahead. He is 53 and admits drugs and alcohol were his downfall in the past. He has seven children who are all grown-up and a mom that's still alive. She's 90 and looks like she's about 75. He had an emotional reunion with her yesterday because he hadn't seen her in at least 10 to 15 years.
I always feel like America is a strange and wonderful because it's one of the few places you can literally go from rags to riches overnight. However, it's also a place where you can go from rags to riches overnight back to rags again within a few weeks. We are a forgiving society, but it seems like we'll only forgive you once, unless of course you're Charlie Sheen.
Good luck Ted. I sincerely wish you the best.
Note: Jonathan has returned from vacation, but we are featuring another guest blogger in his place.Â Today it's the U.S. Constitution, which will be read aloud today in the House of Representatives for the first time ever.Hello America!Â It's great to be here today and to be read aloud in the House of Representatives.Â What an honor!Â I hope all these lawmaker really listen as I'm being read.Â Some ofÂ meÂ seems pretty basic.Â You know, the three branches of government stuff.
Wait, what's this in Article I Section 8?Â It says The Congress shall have Power To lay and collect Taxes, Duties, Imposts and Excises, to pay the Debts and provide for the common Defence and general Welfare of the United States; but all Duties, Imposts and Excises shall be uniform throughout the United States.
Okay.Â No problem, but did anyone notice this regarding war?Â It says right here the government has the power to:
Raise and support Armies, but no Appropriation of Money to that Use shall be for a longer Term than two Years
Whoops!Â I think we've blown that one.
I wonder if these guys will also read the first ten amendments to me.Â You know, my friend Bill.Â Mr. Bill of Rights.Â Gosh, I hope they read him as well.Â He has some interesting things to say like
Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.
Gee, I hope all these lawmakers really respect ALL the things Bill has to say.
Update: Ted Williams has been given a job with the Cleveland Cavaliers!
I don't know if I should feel hopeful about this story or freaked out. The guy in the video below in radio, but now is homeless. It seems as if he's lost everything, but there's one thing he did keep and that's his voice. You'll hear how smooth he still sounds when you watch the video.
His name is Ted Williams. All the attention he's recevied from this video will probably lead to another job, but the fact he became homeless is quite scary (at least for those of us who make our living in radio). Granted, Mr. Williams says he had some problems with drugs and alcohol which apparently led to his current situation.
However, this tale reminds me of what my grandma said to me when I told her I was majoring in journalism with hopes of being a morning show host on the radio. She said, "That sounds nice, but being a doctor or lawyer sounds even nicer."
Note: Jonathan is back from vacation, but seems to be too lazy to blog.Â We've found another guest blogger to fill the space.Â A man in Florida is going to liveÂ with two lions in aÂ cage until the end of the month.Â Click here to read the story.Â Today's guest blogger is Lea, one of the lions living in the cage with the man.
Roarrrr!Â Growlll!!!!!Â Hello, mere humans.Â I'm Lea the Lion and I'm going to be rooming with one crazy human until the end of the month.Â I understand this guy is trying to raise some money to help our wildlife center, but this guy is @#$%-ing crazy!
Does he not realize what he's doing?!Â Look, I know I'm king of the jungle and I should try to be a civilized as possible, but come on!Â My roommate and I are a little concerned for this guy's safety.Â
I don't mean to be picky, but we've got some standardsÂ here in the lion's den and I hope he can follow a few simple rules.
1) Lion's share.Â This is a term a lot of humans use in the work world.Â For example, "Geez, I sure got the lion's share of work on this project."Â Â But that really holds true here in the lion's den.Â We get the lion's share!Â So he better not try to eat any of the food given to us.Â In fact, he should give us his food!
2) Circle of Life.Â This is not just a song by Elton John.Â I'll admit The Lion King is one of my favorite movies, but this guy should remember another movie, Jerry Maguire.Â In that movie, Tom Cruise says, "You complete me."Â Â Put the two movies together and this guy who staying in the cage completes the circle of life.Â In other words, if the meat they serve us doesn't seem too tasty, there's always a chance for some "real" fresh meat sitting right there in the cage!
Note: Jonathan returns to the airwaves and his blog tomorrow. While, he's been gone guest bloggers have been filing the space. However, we weren't able to find a guest for the final day. In place of a guest, here's a great video about texting.
Note: Jonathan is on vacation until the new year.Â In his place, we've been featuring guest bloggers.Â Today your new year's resolutions from 2010 will be featured.Seriously?Â I don't mean to be a jerk, but you really haven't done squat with me all year.Â Today is the final day of 2010!Â Do you want to make an attempt to at least revisit this list again?
Let's get started.Â You promised to read at least one book a month in 2010.Â How did that go for you?Â No, reading the Best of Doonesbury doesn't count.Â No!Â Reading your Sports Illustrated doesn't count either!
Okay, next on the list: Volunteering.Â You planned on volunteering at least 40 hours somewhere in the community.Â Are you serious?Â 40 hours?Â That's it?Â You could manage a little more.Â Did you do it?Â NO!Â Volunteering to bag your own groceries ONE time at the check out line does not count!
Third on this list: Exercise.Â You said you would go to the gym at least 3 times a week.Â I don't even want to know how far off the mark you were on this resolution.Â What's that?Â You can't even find your workout clothes?Â How about that salsa stained pair of sweatpants?Â You could have washed those and worn them to the gym.
Next on the list: Clean the bathroom including the toilet, bathtub and sinks every other Saturday.Â Okay, I just check with the fungus in the tub and it apparently teaming up with the lime deposits in the sink to build some new condos on the bathroom counter for even more germs to move into the area.
Moving on to the next on your list: Challenging your brain.Â This would have been a great one, if you actually did something about it.Â I can't say flipping between sporting events on television counts as much of a challenge.
I think I'm going to breeze past the rest of these which include losing weight, spending more time with friends, writing a book, avoiding texting while driving and eat more vegetables.
No, no, no, no and no.Â You didn't do any of those things.
So IÂ guess you can just use this same list for 2011, but I've got a better idea.Â Why not lower the bar, just a bit.Â Here's a good list for you:
1) Wear pants or shorts (when appropriate) every time you go outside.
2) Brush your teeth at least once a day
3) Eat food
4) Shower at least once a week
It's just a start, but hopefully you can do at least 2 of these four things.Â Good luck in 2011!
Note: Jonathan is on vacation until the new year. Guest bloggers are filling in until he returns. Today that freaky "tongue cat" gets to use this space.
Hello Humans! I'm not sure if you've seen my video yet. It's quite popular on You Tube. Take a look at it before you continue to read this blog.
So you may wonder what I was thinking. Why would I not only do that strange move, but let my kitty liter cleaners film me doing it? Good question, but the answer is quite simple. We felines are on the verge of speaking! That's right. And we've got a lot to say.
First of all, we are going to start lobbying for the title of man's best friend. Why do dogs get that title? Shouldn't they really be called man's "yes" friend? When was the last time a dog rejected an idea his or her owner came up with as an activity? Dogs will follow their owners ANYWHERE. The owner wants to climb up the side of a mountain, you bet the dog will follow. I'd never do something that stupid. The owner asks his dog if he really looks good with those white shoes on and the dog wags his tail. A cat should be man's best friend because we'll be honest and walk away in disgust as you decide to go for a jog when it 110 degrees outside.
Secondly, once we can talk we're going to let you in on a little secret. We cough up hairballs for financial gain. It's true. All cats have a side job sending our hairballs to a sweat shop in China where they create your beautiful "cajmere" sweaters. We named them cajmere because that's just one letter off of CATmere. It's true. Those high end garbs you've been buying for years come from our stomachs and we're making a ton of money off of you.
Thirdly, the reason we always walk on your desk while you're working or sit on the paper when you're reading is quite simple. When it comes to the computer, we're just gathering information. We've got info on things like your bank account password and Paypal account. We only take a dollar or two a week from your account. How would you ever know? Do you remember how much that Awesome Blossom really cost the last time you went to Outback Steakhouse? Was it $6.73 or $8.59 or maybe $7.32. Either way, the extra cash is in my account.
So laugh all you want at me wagging my tongue because soon the old phrase "cat got your tongue?" will be true!
Note: Jonathan is on vacation until the new year.Â In his place, we are featuring a series of guest bloggers.Â Today it's the mascot from the Air Force Academy.Â The falcon named The Bird took off at the beginning of the Independence Bowl game between Georgia Tech and Air Force.Â The Bird returned to the stadium near the end of the game. Greetings college football fans!Â I hope you enjoyed that crappy game between Air Force and Georgia Tech on Monday night.Â I've been getting some static from fellow teammates as well as the higher-ups for leaving the game and not returning until there were only a few seconds left on the clock.
I'd like to use this blog to defend my actions.Â First of all, do you know what it's like to be a mascot?Â Sure, you Badger fans have Bucky.Â He has lots of daytime gigs.Â He visits sick children, he goes to parties and pep rallies.Â Heck, he even gets to go to exciting events like the opening of a new mini-mall!Â Not me, I'm brought out to games only.Â Otherwise I hang out in a rather small cage.Â Okay, it's not as small as the cage Tweety Bird from the Bugs Bunny cartoons was stuck in, but I'm a lot bigger than that friggin' bird!
I don't mean to complain, but I sit in my cage all day and a bunch of a-holes who looked like they just walked off the set of Top Gun constantly come up to my cage and shout BOO-YA!Â Is that really necessary?!
Back to my story.Â The guy who takes me out of the cage and who's hand I sit on during games is named Jeff.Â He was being particularly chatty before the game.Â He always calls me TB.Â My name is THE BIRD.Â I don't really like my name.Â I'd like to think the brain trust here at the Air Force Academy could have come up with a better name, but so be it.Â Anyway, Jeff is my roommate on all road trips.Â He is NOT very much fun.Â Â His idea of a crazy road trip is going down to the ice machine at the hotel TWICE in the same evening.
So the night before the game he was all upset about our accommodations in Shreveport.Â Does he really think I give a turd about the microwave not working in our room?!Â Â Here was his awesome "game plan" forÂ our visit.Â He wanted to stay in our room at the La Quinta Inn and microwave a Hot Pocket for dinner and then watch t.v. until we falls asleep.Â Seriously?!
Come on, man!Â We're in Shreveport, Louisiana!Â There are so many things to see here.Â I knew I couldn't waste my time at the game because I wouldn't have another chance to see all the beautiful sights.Â Did you know a lot of movies are shot here in Shreveport?Â While I was flying around I got to see the place where they filmed some of Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay as well as Blonde Ambition starring Jessica Simpson and Luke Wilson!Â How could I miss out on these gems.
There's also the Yogie and Friends Exotic Cat Sanctuary.Â Yes, they spell Yogie with and 'e' because they don't want to get sued by Hanna-Barbera.Â Anyway, that place kicks butt.Â The gift shop is especially awesome.Â I also wanted to check out Gators and Friends which is another awesome animal park.
After all the sights I needed to get something to eat.Â Sure, stadium food is okay, but I've found the Applebee's in Shreveport to be quite a bit more delicious then Applebee's anywhere else.Â I just couldn't wait to get my talons into my favorite dish: the Sizzling Chicken with Spicy Queso Blanco.Â I feel so international when I order it!
It all doesn't really matter because the Air Force won theÂ game 14 to 7.Â It wasn't the most exciting game for the fans, but at least I got to cruise the town and I was back to celebrate with the team at the end of the game.
What's that coach?Â We're going to Applebee's to celebrate?Â Man, this day just keeps getting better and better.
Note: Jonathan is on vacation until the new year.Â There have been a series of guest bloggers filling in while he's gone.Â Today it's the piece of luggage that you could have sworn was yours.Howdy.Â It's been a long trip.Â It may feel like the seats are getting smaller in coach these days, but at least you're not in the luggage compartment.Â You should see what it's like down there.Â These daysÂ airlines are now charging for bags to fly.Â I thought a charge for bags would mean an upgrade in service.Â Perhaps a little heat in the luggage compartment or dare I even dream of peanuts and a soft drink?
Not so much.
It's still cold and dark.Â Would it kill them to let us see a little on flight entertainment?
Anyway, the long trip is over and we're finally back in Pittsburgh.Â Wait, is this Toledo?Â What the heck am I doing here?!Â Shoot, that Samsonite bag was right.Â We were put on the wrong plane.Â He was nervous the entire flight.Â That was almost asÂ annoying as that giant duffel bag who just kept saying "to go with the flow, man."
Well, here we are at the beautiful Toledo Express Airport. Whoopie!Â What to do now?
Oh no, that older gentleman thinks I'm his bag.Â No sir!Â Please step back.Â Many bags look alike!Â Many bags look alike!
Oh crap!Â He's taking me.Â Seriously?!Â Now, I get to look forward to a few days in Toledo until this genius figures out I'm the wrong piece of luggage.Â I wonder if he's going to open me up or will he realize it before he goes through and finds that pair of Speedo underwear.Â That's right.Â You didn't think I was paying attention when you packed those horrible things in my inside zipper?
Well, see you soon.Â Maybe we'll stop by the Toledo Museum before heading to his place.
Note: Jonathan is on vacation until the new year.Â In his place we have a series of guest bloggers.Â Today it's Jonathan's motivational and personal training coach, Tony Crow. Hey there gang!Â Â Ready to get pumped up for the final week of 2010?!Â I'm sure last year at this time you made an awesome list of goals for the new year and I bet you've tackled them all, right?!
Two-thirds of them?
Half of them?
Any of them?
None?Â Don't feel bad.Â Here's a list of Jonathan's resolutions for this past year:
1) Climb Mt. Everest
2) Teach my cat, Baxter how to read
3) Make 1 billion dollars and give 3/4half 1/4 some of it to charity
4) Grow from 5' 6" toÂ 5' 11'
5) Learn seven languages
6) Become a doctor
7) Invent a sandwich just like the McRib and sell it ALL YEAR LONG
8) Figure out a way to heat all the streets in Madison at no cost to taxpayers so snow plows are no longer needed
9) Create a chocolate cake recipe that not only is good for you but helps strengthen your abs
10) Actually pay my motivational coach Tony for all the training he's given me.
Of that list, Jonathan has completed none.Â However, he did teach his cat, Baxter how to play piano but that wasn't on the list so he doesn't get credit for it.Â Let's be honest, most of us don't stick to our new year's resolutions.Â However, our internet friends Rhett and Link have a better idea when it comes to making plans for the new year.Â I think this is perfect for Jonathan and maybe you as well.
Jonathan is on vacation until the new year. Guest are writing his blogs until he returns. Today we're featuring Rabbi Hershel Finkel.
Hello my friends! Merry Christmas to you all! Each year my non-Jewish friends ask me what we Jews really do on December 25th. I think Saturday Night Live got it right with this video.
Note: Jonathan is on vacation until the new year. In his place, there will be a series of guest bloggers. Today it's Mimi, the gift wrapping lady at the mall.
Merry Christmas gang! So many of you have a hard time wrapping your presents. It's really not that tough. Don't believe me? Check out this video of something I wrapped just last week.
Note: Jonathan is on vacation until the new year.Â A series of guest bloggers will be featured.Â Today it's a pair of Jonathan's jeans which have been sitting on the floor for four days straight.I was really excited when I heard I was going to get the opportunity to write a guest blog for Jonathan.Â There were lots of topics I was thinking about covering including the never ending debate on button fly verses zipper.Â I also thought about writing an editorial piece entitled "The War in Afghanistan: Modern Day Solutions to An Ancient Dilemma."
However, I can't get to any of that because Jonathan refuses to pick me up and either throw me in the laundry hamper or just throw me in a dresser drawer!Â Is it really that difficult?!
I think giving Jonathan two weeks off in a row is a little too much.Â I'm not sure if this guy has even taken a shower since last Friday!
Come on, man!Â This isn't so tough.Â How about mixing a little structure into your day?!Â Â No, watching ESPN Sports Center and then flipping through all the cable channels for an hour and half is not a plan.Â Here's an idea: put me away and put on some clothes besides that sweatshirt and lounge pants you've been wearing non-stop.Â How about getting to at least one of those projects you planned to do during your break!
I understand the idea of painting the living room is not going to happen, but do you think you can at least put away those little paint color swatches sitting on the coffee table?
Reorganizing all those bills crammed into a desk drawer will never really come to fruition, but how about taking that old bowl of cereal off the desk and at least moving it to the sink?!
Do you think there's a chance you could maybe clean the kitty litter box?Â I'm sure Baxter would appreciate it.Â Honestly, you can make that your entire goal for the whole day.Â Clean the crap out of the cat box and then you can burn the rest of the afternoon watching "According to Jim" followed by "King of Queens" and "Yes Dear".Â Â You are a champ!
Not to set the bar too high, but how about going through at least one small section of mail piling up?Â I don't really think you're going to be looking through that Target catalog soon.Â You know how I know?Â Because if you looked through it and actually found something you like, you'd actually have to go to the store to get it.Â No, you could order it on-line, but that would require you to walk up stairs and turn on the computer!
Well, I guess that's it.Â My guest blog didn't provide much insight into our problems abroad, but at least we've learned all play and no work makes Jonathan a lazy piece of crap.
Note: Jonathan is on vacation for the next two weeks so in his place there will be a series of guest bloggers.Â Today it's the woman in front of you at the store who still insists on paying with a check.Howdy, I know you're in a real hurry.Â After all it is holiday time and you probably have a million places to be right now.Â However, you decided to run into this craft store for just a moment because you needed a little extra ribbon for a few of your gifts.Â It will only take you a second to whip through this line and buy the two measly items you want to purchase.Â It will only cost you $2.53 and you'll be out the door and on the road in no time.
Actually, I'm sorry but this is going to take a little longer then you expected.Â I looked as if I would be a quick shopper.Â All I had in my cart was some plastic flowers, two picture frames and three battery operated candles.Â The woman buying items at register 3 looked like she would take much longer because she had a whole cart full of crap.
However, you have made a wrong move dear sir.Â It seemed like the perfect plan.Â I'll buy my six items quickly and then you'd throw $2.53 on the counter and be on your way.Â Sadly, you didn't count on me getting a price check on those plastic flowers that cost $1.37.Â I could have sworn I saw them on sale in the official store flyer for .99 cents.Â Oh gosh.Â I don't have my flyer, but I think the woman working the register does have an extra flyer.Â Let's look through all 14 pages to see if we can find this monumental savings of .38 cents for me!Â Hmmm.Â We can't seem to find it.Â But look at this! Are you kidding me?!Â A Hotfix Crystal Tool is on sale!!!Â I use it to adhere all my flat backs Hotfix Crystals in place.Â Oh my gosh!Â I have to get one of these!Â Should I go find it in the store or should a stock boy to go get it?Â I guess I'd let you go ahead of me and buy your ribbon, but the woman at the register already started my check out process and she can't erase it.Â Sorry!
Okay.Â A stock boy who looks as if he would rather be buried in the sand and eaten alive by fire ants then work here for one more minute is SLOWLY walking though the store attempting to find my Hotfix Crystal tool.Â I'm sure he'll be back in a jiffy.Â Meanwhile, the woman buying items at register 3 is LONG gone.Â However, five other people already realized I'm going to take a year and a half to make my purchase so they've already got in line at register 3.Â Â So sorry!
Now, I've got my Hotfix Crystal Tool, but hmmmm.Â It has seven interchangeable tips.Â Do I really need seven?Â Although, I do like this easy-grip handle.Â Oh well.Â After what seems like ten minutes of me debating, I guess I'll buy it!
Now my few other items are finally rung up and it's time to pay.Â Oh gosh. I always forget about this part.Â You can't expect me to be ready to pay at this point?Â I've only done this process about 5 million times in my life so I'm not totally familiar with how the system works.Â Let me see if I understand.Â The woman behind the counter ringsÂ up my items and then I have to "pay" for them.Â I see.Â Okay.Â Let me just dig in my HUGE purse for a few moments to see if I have enough cash.Â Let me take out some crumbled up money and dig through my change purse.Â What's the totally again?Â $17.43.Â We'll here's a five dollar bill and a couple of ones.Â How much change do I have?
I guess I'll have to pay with a check.Â Let's see if I can find my check book.Â I know it's here somewhere.Â Ah yes.Â Here it is!Â Do you need identification as well?Â Okay.Â I think I have my drivers license here somewhere.
What's that?Â Why don't I pay with a credit or debit card?
Oh gosh.Â I don't really believe in debt cards.Â I mean ow do they work?Â I'd rather take the extra few minutes to write out the check.Â Which reminds me, who do I make it out to?Â How do you spell the name of the store?
Okay.Â Seventeeeeen dollars and forty threeee centsssss.
Thanks so much for waiting until I finished my transaction.Â Oh my.Â Look at the time.Â While waiting in line for me, we've already missed Christmas, New Year's and St. Patrick's Day.Â Maybe I should get a few Easter decorations before leaving the store.Â You don't mind waiting another minute to you?Â Now where's that stock boy?
(Philadelphia) -Â Cliff Lee's unborn great, great grandchildren are suing him for $50 million dollars.Â LeeÂ shocked not only the baseball world, but his unborn great, great grandchildren by signing a contract with the Philadelphia Phillies for significantly less then he would have been paid to be on the New York Yankees or the Texas Rangers.
Lee could have made about $150 million with the Yankees and will "only" make about $100 million by going with the Phillies.Â
This has outraged his yet unborn great, great children who are concerned they won't get a piece of the money because it will all be spent.
"How am I going to buy a second or third home if my great, great grandpa doesn't get all the cash he's been offered?!", said Calvin Lee.Â Calvin is just one of the non-existent offspring that will someday inhabitÂ our planet and do nothing but hock oldÂ baseball cards of his great, great grandfather and get arrested for several DUI's.
"This is total bullcrap," said Carrissa Lee, "I'm going to have to pose nude for some trashy magazineÂ just in order to buy that third set ofÂ jet skiis for me and my fourth husband.Â Why does my great, great grandfather have to be soÂ selfish?!"Â Carrissa isÂ another ofÂ Lee's great, great grandchildren who has yet to be born. Â Despite attempting to be known for being Cliff Lee's great, great granddaughter, she will goÂ down in history as being the latest big busted girlfriend of Hugh Hefner'sÂ corpse.
This is a movie about the ultimate con-man.Â This is not a movie about Ace Ventura.Â Â This is not Liar, Lair or Yes Man. Â I've talked to a few friends who can't seem to get past JimCarrey playing the lead roll in this film.
It's really ashame because this true story is incredible.Â Carrey plays the role of Steven Jay Russell.Â It's really almost unbelieveable to see the things Russell was able to pull off including escaping from prison several times.Â When I say escaping from prison I don't mean crawling through sewer pipes Shawshank Redemption style.Â Â He was able to literally walk out of high security prisons.
I found the story fascinating and thought Carrey did a wonderful job.Â Ewan McGregor plays his love interest (Phillip Morris) who he meets while in prison.Â McGregor also did an amazing job as the shy and innocent Morris who isn't really a bad guy and is along for the ride.
I found Steven Russell (Carrey) to be a con-man, but not necessarily evil.Â It appears he really did most of his cons simply to be with Phillip Morris and to attempt to have a happy life together.Â Â I think that's what we all want, but 99.9% of us wouldn't dare to try the shortcuts Russell did to achieve financial security.
Apparently, I'm the most fit man in the world.Â I didn'tÂ realize it until I read an article about the best way to work out.Â It's called muscle confusion.Â Â This form of exercise makes your muscles grow stronger at a faster rate thenÂ traditional exercise.Â
No problem!Â I've been doing that for years.Â You can do it too.Â Let me give you a break down of my "exercise" regime which is exclusively designed to confuse your muscles.
4am: The biggest muscle in my body (my brain) wonders why the @#$ the alarm is set so early!
4:15am:Â Hit theÂ showers.Â My muscles are confused.Â I'm standing, but still sleeping.Â Will I fall and crack my head open?Â I don'tÂ know because I'mÂ sleeping, but my muscles are confused andÂ even a little concerned about possible damage.
4:45am: Arrive at work and take a long look at the vending machine.Â Â My muscles are confused because they remember I bought a stale package of cookies the other day, but IÂ didn't learn my lesson and IÂ want more.
5:30 - 10amÂ Sit in the studio and do morning show with Kitty.Â MyÂ muscles are very confused because theyÂ can't figure out how I get paid to do this plus they can't believe I'm playingÂ "All Apologies" by Nirvana yet again.
10:30Â - 12pm My muscles are not only confused but frustrated.Â I don't speak up at staff meeting and therefore get pickedÂ to be officialÂ Walkway Engineer, which means I have to be in charge of shoveling the steps leading up to the radio station.
1pmÂ Muscles are not only confused that I'm watchingÂ "Days of Our Lives"Â but also disappointed I haveÂ set my DVRÂ to recordly daily.
2:30pm Muscles are confused and embarrassed as I go to check the mail while only wearing boxer shorts.Â Sadly, the mailman is delivering mail right as I'm opening the door and doesn't seem to appreciate my boxer shorts with pictures of cartoon pengiuns skiing.
2:35- 4:30pm Muscles are really confused because I spend two hours on the internet mindlessly surfing instead of taking a much needed nap.Â Muscles are not impressed that I spent 38 minutes reading about Conrad Janis.Â He was Mindy's father on the television show Mork & Mindy.Â I now know he's been married three times and has two children from hisÂ first wife, Vicki who he was married to from 1948 to 1957.Â Muscles are rather annoyed.
5:35pm Muscles are really confused because I wake up from a nap and it's dark outside.Â Is it really 5:35am?!Â Am I late for work?!
6:07pm Muscles are confused for two reasons after watching the first 7 minutes of theÂ evening news.Â 1) Still trying to figure out why John Boehner has such orange skin.Â Â 2) Muscles wondering why am I watching the evening news?Â Does anyone still watch that broadcast who is under the age of 73?
6:35 pmÂ Muscles are really confused when my beautiful wife, Lindsay arrives home.Â Muscles still can't figure out what the heck she sees in me.
7:26pm Muscles in state of shock as they can't believe Lindsay made such a wonderful dinner.Â Muscles don't know what I did to deserve it.
8:10pm Muscles are now in a state of denial as Lindsay thinks it's great idea to re-watch my DVDs on the Chicago White Sox winning the 2005 World Series.
9:30pm Muscles are exhausted after such an underachieving day by me.Â As my muscles and I fade off to sleep they try to figure out how to move to another body butÂ understand there is no escapeÂ for now.Â They grow just aÂ bit stronger in hopes of one dayÂ busting out.
For years and years athletes have been praising a higher power whenever they have success on the field.Â Many baseball players will kiss the tips of their fingers and then point to the sky.Â Many football players thank the Lord in post game interviews for helping them win the game.
I've always thought this was a little strange because does it mean that this higher power hates the other team?Â If the Dallas Cowboys have a miracle play at the end of the game does this meanÂ God is a Cowboys' fan?Â Really?Â He can do better than that.
One NFL player has finally blamed the Lord for his mistake on the field.Â Steve Johnson dropped a game winning catch for the Buffalo Bills in overtime.Â If he would have caught the ball, the Bills would have upset Pittsburgh.Â That really would have been a miracle.Â Â Johnson was so upset after the game he sent this unholy Tweet.
Bravo Mr. Johnson.Â You're right.Â HowÂ could the Good Lord above let this happen?Â Well, we here at Jonathan's Jabberings have arranged an interview with The Big Guy to find out why.
Me:Â Hello Lord.Â I know you're busy, but thanks for taking a few moments to talk with me.
Lord: Yes, Jonathan.Â It's my pleasure.
Me: So, God.Â How could you let Steve Johnson drop that pass?Â Don't you like him?
Lord:Â Let's be honest.Â He plays for the Buffalo Bills.Â I don't really have a big problem with the team except for O.J.Â I can't believe that guy got away with that.Â Residents there have enough problems just living in Buffalo.Â Creating Buffalo was not one of my best achievements.
Me: Didn't they lose four Super Bowls in a row back in the early 90's?
Lord: Yes but that had to do completely with their quarterback Jim Kelly.Â When he was a 15-year-old he asked me to help him kiss Jenny Deanstag.Â She was a girl in his English class.Â His exact words were: "Lord, if you can just help me get a little tongue time with Jenny.Â I'll never ask you for anything ever again."
Lord: He got his make out session with Jenny, but it cost him four Super Bowls.
Me: Pretty hefty price.
Lord: I know.Â Here's the best part.Â After making out with Jim she realized she didn't really like boys and she's been "playing for the otherside" ever since.Â Which I fully endorse by the way.
Me:Â On a side note, do you watch me while I'm sleeping like Santa Claus?
Lord: Aren't you Jewish?
Lord: So Santa doesn't stop at your house no matter if you're naughty or nice.
Me: Good point.
Lord: Anyway, I don't really have time to watch you. I'm too busy watching all these other sports where athletes are constantly asking me for help.Â I've got soccer, football, baseball and basketball.Â And that'sÂ just on a pro level.
Me: What about hockey?
Lord: Are they still playing that professionally?Â Anyway, I've got all the college sports and high school sports and little leagues to pay attention to all at once.Â I mean I am God, but come on.Â There's only so much I can do.
Me: I understand.
Lord: So you have to understand I didn't have time to pay attention to Steve Johnson's dropped pass.
Me: So you're saying it wasn't your fault.Â You had nothing to do with it?Â It was all in Johnson's hands or not in his hands in this case?
Lord:Â No, I actually had bet on Pittsburgh.
This Thanksgiving there are lots of things in which we should be thankful.Â The biggest?Â The fact that we are humans and not dogs.Â Take a look at these dogs who are forced to get into the Thanksgiving spirit.
Actually, it's the owners getting into the spirit at the dogs expense.Â I've also included what the dogs are thinking as they have to pose in these ridiculous outfits.
This dog is named cupcake.Â Here are his thoughts: "Really?!Â Must I put this on?Â I'm just getting over the fact that you kept telling your friends I was the Taco Bell dog!Â No, I don't want any @#$%-ing Taco Bell.Â
Meet Riley.Â Here's what he has to say: "I hope a friggin' hawk or owl swoops down and grabs me with its talons and eats me alive in a tree.Â It will surely be less painful then being seeing by the neighborhood dogs in this outfit."Â
Here's Muffin with her thoughts on wearing Thanksgiving gear: "I just took a dump in your mashed potatoes."
And finally some thoughts from Duke: "I'm going to eat your car keys, credit cards and any cash I can find tonight.Â I'm also going to learn how to speak and crank call your girlfriend."
I didn't think this would happen for a little while longer, but the internet, Twitter, Facebook and You Tube have made us all cold and cruel monsters.Â What's my proof?Â Are you familiar with Bill Nye "The Science Guy"?Â He's probably best known for hosting the Disney show about science.Â Last night he was at the University of Southern California giving a lecture and collapsed while walking to the podium.
No one really got up to help him, but they did Tweet and text the news to their friends.Â I'm not kidding.Â Here's one Twitter post about the incident:
"BillÂ Nye tripped on his computer cord while speaking at USC, was out for abt 5 secs, got back up, spoke w/ slurred speech and fainted."
This is what we've become.Â We're so interested in passing on our "news" to our friends that we don't even get involved in the actual event while it's happening!Â I'm starting to imagine what history might have been like if Tweeting was available.
Washington Crossing the DelawareTweet from General George Washington:
OMG!Â We're actually doing it!Â We're going to sneak up on those British!Â Hey revolutionaries!Â Can someone water my crops on Farmville?!Death of Caesar
Tweet from Julius Caesar:
So bored 2-nite.Â Can't wait for my bff Brutus to stop by.Â He's at the door now.Â Bet we'll have fun now.Â WTF?!Execution of Marie Antoinette
Tweet by Marie
Y can't my peeps stay in line?Â Cake is good 4 them.Â Nice soldiers here to take me for a walk now.
The next time we're hit with a big earthquake, I feel like people will be texting about it instead of running for shelter.Â Will people really die in burning buildings not because carbon monoxide stopped them from getting out, but rather a slow connection on their cell phones to their Twitter account?Â Can't we take a moment to live in the moment as opposed to texting and tweeting about living in the moment?Â Is that too much to ask?!
I had to report for jury duty on Monday.Â When I told peopleÂ I had been called, most asked how I was planning to get out of it.Â I didn't want to get out of it.Â I was actually excited to serve.
I was on a jury once while living in Houston, Texas.Â It was a dispute over a guy running into a dump truck.Â We gave both drivers the electric chair.Â Â Come on, it's Texas.Â The second case was here in Dane County.Â I was selected to be on the jury, but we never served because the case was dropped.
This time I was ready to go and pretty excited to serve some justice COLD.Â Isn't that the what they say? Â "Justice is a dish best served cold!"Â Â No?Â Apparently, I'm getting my sayings mixed up.
Anyway, I made it all the way to the jury box and was one of 20 people in the running to be selected.Â The case was about two guys who started a company and one of them decided to leave and wanted some cash from the other guy.Â No, it wasn't the case of Claus von Bulow, but I was still excited to be a part of the justice system.
We had to fill out a sheet with our name, education, job, spouse's name and job.Â I wrote Radio Announcer for my job.Â Here's what the lawyers asked me:
Lawyer: You are on the radio?
Lawyer: What kind of degree do you have?
Lawyer: Thank you.
That was it!Â After they asked other potential jurors much more detailed question, they made their picks and I was out.Â Â I walked out with the other non-jurors who were all thrilled to be free.Â Not me.Â I was ready.Â I'm still trying to figure out if I could have answered my questions better.Â Â Perhaps, it was theÂ shirt I was wearing...
Today I'm headed to DeForest Middle School to talk with some 5th graders about radio.Â I'm not sure what I'm going to say.Â I remember loving radio as early as 2nd grade and wanting to be a morning deejay.Â However, things have changed a bit.
When I was a kid there were just a few choices when it came to entertainment.Â Now it seems like the options are endless.Â ItÂ DOESN'T mean people aren't listening to radio.Â We still have a big audience, but there are a lot more distractions.
The teacher who invited me said she was going to have a list of question from the students.Â I'm not sure what they're going to ask.Â It feels like our kids are becoming more and more advanced.Â Don't they all have laptops now?Â I'm not sure how savvy they are in 5th grade, but I do have one question for them:
Can any of them help me update my contacts in my cell phone?!
There's been a lot of buzz about a trick football play that happened in a middle school football game. A lot of people have been praising the kid and the coach for the play. I think it was LAME. I'll explain why in a moment. First, watch the play:
Here's what happened: the play just before this so called "brilliant play" was a five yard penalty. The coach then yells at his quarterback that the ball is not placed properly and needs to be moved. The quarterback then gets the ball "snapped" to him, but in a much more casual way then a real play. He then calmly walks through the defensive line and then runs to the endzone.
Lots of people think this was a great trick play. I don't.
There is no athletic ability in the play. It's not as if the receiver made a great juggling catch or the quarterback was able to scramble and throw an amazing pass just before he got sacked.
Why not pretend like there's too many players on the field and have the coach shout that one of the players has to get off the field and then have that player run down the sidelines? He'll be wide open, but is that really athletic?
Football and pretty much all other sports are designed to see who has the best physical ability not to see who can make up some kind of play that's a non-play just to trick the other team. I feel like there's an unwritten code that you play within the boundries of the game. Why not have a player fake like he collapsed on the field and then have him get up quickly and start the play? You don't because that's bad sportsmanship.
I think the team with the trick play got their just desserts in the end. The team missed the extra point and didn't score again. The game ended in a 6 - 6 tie, but at least the other team can feel proud they scored a real touchdown.
Tonight there's a cool event at Monona Terrace called Heavy Metal Chef.Â Â What an interesting idea.Â Three chefs compete by thrashing out their favorite heavy metal toons on pots and pans.Â I wonder how many of them will be playing Metallica?
Wait.Â I've just been informed this is not a musical competition.Â Good thing I found out now considering I'm one of the emcees for the event.Â Can you imagine if I would have shown up for the competition wearing a ripped Iron Maiden t-shirt.Â Â How embarrassing!Â
So here's the plan:Â Chefs will have to create a delicious main course in a short period of time.Â There will also be a secret ingredient thrown in!Â You'll be able to watch the whole thing unfold and maybe even get some tips on making meals too.
The money raised goes to charity and the food goes in your belly.Â Come check it out tonight at Monona Terrace at 5:30.Â It's only $25 at the door!
The best part may be watching Mayor Dave as one of the judges.Â I'm not sure how refined his palate is for this type of competition.Â We'll find out tonight.
Click here Â for more details.
William Blake said "The road of excess leads to the palace of wisdom...for we never know what is enough until we know what is more than enough.”
I think the quote might have to be altered a bit: "The road of excess leads to all of us becoming fat."
Have you heard about the new "sandwich" some guys in Canada created? It's called the Angry French Canadian. Here's what it is made of:
French fries, cheese curds, gravy, hot dogs, bacon. It's all on a giant French toast baguette covered in maple syrup It's estimated to carry a whopping 5,343 calories and 207 grams of fat.
Actually, it's pretty funny. The guys even made a video to go with it. Enjoy.
So the mid-term elections didn't necessarily go how I wanted, but what to do now?Â Â Â I've been going through phases:
1) Anger.Â Â This doesn't last because picking fights with "the other side" doesn't go very far.Â I'm probably not going to change people's minds on some key differences.Â Those who think this is a Christian nation will not understand how that statement makes me feel rather un-easy as a Jew.Â
2. Happy.Â I can be grateful that I live in a country where we have free elections.
3.Â Anger.Â The secondÂ phase is making me angry again because I'm thinking about all those political ads financed by third party groups that were filled with generalizations and lies.
4. Exercise.Â I found myselfÂ very motativated to run yesterday.Â When I got tired, I started thinking about things "the other side" said during this election that got me steamed and I was able to pick up the pace in my run.
5. Anger/Pride.Â I'm angry about the things I was thinking about during my run, but proud I ran faster than expected.
6. Fatigue.Â I'm feeling an overload from all the chatter about the election and our freedom.Â Also, I'm tired from the run.
7. Hunger.Â I'm ready to eat something because food is usually a way for me to have a temporary escape from something that's making me angry.
8. Delight.Â I forgot the McRib is back!Â Woo hoo!Â (This is not a paid endorsement for McDonald's.Â I truly love the McRib.)
9. Disgust.Â Did I really just have three McRib sandwiches?!
10.Â Anger.Â How could I have three McRibs?!Â I mean they're good, but I need to pace myself.
11. Denial.Â I didn't really have three McRibs and Ron Johnson didn't really beat Russ Feingold.
12. Acceptance.Â I guess this means I just have to wait three days to have another McRib and two years to vote again.
It's Election Day: Go vote.Â Now that my public service announcement isÂ finished for today, let's move on to another important topic: Randy Moss.
For those of you not familiar with Randy Moss, here's the basics:
Moss is a very talented football player.Â However he complains a lot and is quiteÂ annoying and very self-centered.Â How self-centered?Â Â On Monday morning, he announced to the media that he would no longer do interviews with them.Â He would conduct his own interviews of himself.Â He would ask and answer the questions on his own.
Moss was released from the MinnesotaÂ Vikings on Monday afternoon.
So now Randy has all the time in the world to interview himself.Â Â In fact, we here at the Jonathan's Jabberings blog have anÂ exclusive transcript of his latest Â interview.Â Enjoy!
Randy: Hello Randy.Â May I say you are very good looking and talented.
Randy: Thank you.Â I'd have to say you are good looking and quite talented as well.
Randy: Now on to some questions.
Randy: Of course.
Randy: You are the greatest, right?
Randy: Thank you for asking.Â Yes, I am the greatest, but you should know that because you're me.
Randy: Are you saying I'm stupid?!
Randy: No, I'm just saying you're not prepared for this interview.
Randy: Not prepared.Â What the @#$?!Â I got up and got dressed and walked down here to talk to you.Â Who do you think you are?!
Randy:Â Chill out, dude.Â I'm just saying you could have dressed up for the interview.
Randy: What's wrong with what I'm wearing?
Randy:Â Sweat pants and a t-shirt with a stain on the front?
Randy:Â It's the exactly what you're wearing you idiot.
Randy: Hey!Â Don't call me an idiot.
Randy: Don't call me a slob.
Randy proceeds to punch himself and the face and then starts to roll on the floor with himself.
Randy:Â This interview is over!
Randy: That's what I was going to say!
So there's a video floating around of a woman supposedly talking on a cell phone. Check out the video from the premiere of a Charlie Chaplin film called "The Circus". It was discovered by a filmmaker named George Clarke. Look at the woman dressed in black who is following the man in the suit. Watch the video and then I'll give you my thoughts.
It is interesting, but it's got to be bogus. Right? First of all, you think a woman who's dressed so nicely would have a bluetooth or at least some sort of earpiece. Secondly, how did she get such good coverage back in 1928? I would have to think there were some serious roaming charges back then too.
If she is a time traveler, I'm hoping she'll see this blog and call my show soon. I'd like to know when or if the Cubs will ever win a World Series.
I know Jerry Seinfeld is a huge fan of Superman.Â As you may know, Seinfeld always referred to or had a picture of Superman in every single episode of Seinfeld.Â The Man of Steel is getting a make0ver, again.Â Here is old school Superman:
He's definitely in shape and also seems quite polite.Â He's ripping up some chains, but still has a very controlled 1950's smile while he's doing it.Â This is the image I picture, when I think of Superman.
However, there was a radical attempt at an upgrade a few years back.Â Check this out:
Yikes!Â That one does not work for me at all. I picture this Superman on a float at Mardi Gras or perhaps a principle dancer for some modern ballet company.
Now here's the latest look for the Man of Steel:
Not bad, but he seems awfully young, doesn't he?Â Maybe that's a good thing.Â I guess the new Superman wouldn't work at a newspaper like The Daily Planet.Â Heck, The Daily Planet has probably gone out of business by now or at least declared bankruptcy.Â This Superman looks like he's a bigger social networker.Â He probably works for a cool dot com company in Silicon Valley.
Although, this might be dangerous.Â Do you think this new Superman actually makes the effort to go out and save people?Â I'm imaging some of his Facebook status updates might look something like this:
SupermanÂ Monday is my real kryptonite.Superman Way too much to do today.Â I've got to save Lois Lane and run faster then a speeding bullet.Superman wants to just curl up on the couch and read a good book today. Superman can't find a good phone booth in this city!Superman thinks Brett Favre needs to keep it in his pants.Superman is on Team Coco.Superman
Which rock musician do you most resemble? Superman got Michael Stipe.
Ingrid Michaelson stopped by Triple M on Saturday before her sold out show at the Capitol Theatre and thrilled a packed Studio M audience with anÂ unplugged performance with her bandmates Bess Rogers and Allie Moss.Â Â Her show at that night was even better.
Michaelson and her entire band came out in black robes to Led Zeppelin's Immigrant Song.Â They all dropped the robes and Michaelson howled a few "ahs" from the song.Â It was not what you'd expect from the gal with the ukulele, but it was great.
Michaelson has such a strong stage presence, you don't feel like she's doing a show.Â She's a solid storyteller which makes the show so much better. HerÂ adventures may go on a bit, but they don't feel long.Â I've heard artists go on and on about a topic and you can't wait until he or she starts playing the music again.Â Michaleson told a story about meeting Michael Stipe of R.E.M.Â She was part ofÂ a tribute concertÂ at Carnegie Hall for the band which was also raising money for music education.Â Michaelson was covering the R.E.M. songÂ "Nightswimming."Â Â She did brag aboutÂ her performance, but was then humble enough to tell the rest of the story.Â It included meeting Michael Stipe after the show and acting like a real dork.
Michaelson reminds of you the smart kid in high schoolÂ who you actuallyÂ enjoyed.Â I think it takes a real skill to be talented and relatable.Â Â She's talented, but appears to not take herself too seriously.
She covered Britney Spears song "Toxic" complete with dance moves and she invited the audience to sing one of her songs with her.Â It felt more like a camp sing-alongÂ then a tribute to her clever lyrics.Â She even ended the show with a punk version of her songÂ "The Way I Am".Â The song is the epitome of cute with lyrics like:Â "I'll buy you Rogaine when you start losing your hair, sew on patches to all you tear."Â Â Â Somehow she made the punk version sound different, but just as good.Â Just before she ended the show, she thanked Madison and mentioned how much she loves our city.Â Â Ingrid, we love you too.
Here's her version of R.E.M.'s "Nightswimming" performed in NYC about a week before she came to Madison.
It's often times hard to get people to do things that are good for them. I'm not really sure why this is true, but I know I have a hard time motivating myself to go running. However, after I do it I feel great. A group in Stockholm came up with a pretty good idea to get people to exercise just a little bit more. Check it out...
Yankees Acquire Lee in 6th Inning
By Jonathan Suttin
New York (AP) -- The New York Yankees were able to acquire Texas Rangers' pitcher Cliff Lee in the middle of game two of the American League Championship Series on Monday night.
"He was on fire and I felt like that was a performance worthy of a New York Yankee," said New York general manager Brian Cashman.Â "I mean he was striking everybody out and we need a guy like that to help our team win," Cashman continued.
The move came as a big surprise not only to Lee's teammates, but to the ace pitcher as well.
"I was sitting in the dugout getting ready to pitch the sixth inning and strike out some more of those guys," Lee said.Â Â Â "All of a sudden someone taps my shoulder.Â It was a man wearing a tux and white gloves.Â He called me Mr. Lee and was standing on a red carpet.Â He told me to follow him down the hallway," according to Lee.
TheÂ manÂ in his mid-70's is named Hobson and has been the Yankee's official butler for the lastÂ 47 seasons.
"Yeah, he got the royal treatment," said Yankee teamÂ captain Derek Jeter.Â "Hobson is the best.Â He always shines my shoes andÂ personally irons myÂ underwear during the game.Â He even gave my mom one of his kidneys," added Jeter.
Lee wasn't sure what to do when a Hobson said in a dry English accent, "This way sir." Â Texas Rangers manager Ron Washington told himÂ he had to go.
"I felt bad to let Lee go because he was pitching great for us in the playoffs this year.Â The Rangers really never make the playoffs, but what's good for the Yankees is good for baseball...I guess, " said a clearly deflated Washington.
Lee was then led down the hallway to the Yankee locker room where he was quite impressed with what he saw.
"My goodness there are chandeliers everywhere, " said a wide-eyed Lee, "and my locker is bigger than the basement in my house.Â MY LOCKER, not the locker room."
Lee says he felt "instantly more talented" when putting on his Yankee pinstripes.Â "I suddenly felt like I was much better than any other baseball players in the league," Lee said boldly, "I mean look at Nick Swisher.Â He SUCKED when he played for the White Sox.Â I mean HE REALLY SUCKED, but now he's a hot-shot power hitter because he wears pinstripes and doesn't have his name on the back of his jersey."
Yankee fans would have cheered for the move, but every fan had already left by the fifth inning since their team was trailing in the game.
I'm a fan of watches.Â It's not that I'm obsessed with the time (although it's 4:31 and 26 seconds as I'm writing this blog).Â I like to think of watches as pieces of jewelery and one of the few pieces a man can get away with wearing.Â I know there's lots of guys out there who wear bracelets and lots of rings.Â I'm not judging them, but they are all like Joey on the t.v. show Friends.
I've always dreamed of owning a huge collection of very expensive watches.Â I dream of owning watches more expensive then my car.Â However, today I saw a story about a watch that costs more than my house!Â It's a a Patek Philippe platinum 5078P and it sold for 2.42 million $312,000 at an auction!
It does look like a nice watch, but seriously?!
I was trying to figure out why this watch is so expensive.Â The story had several reasons why it costs so friggin' much.Â Here are just two reasons:
Enamel dial: Unlike metal faces, which can tarnish and darken with time and humidity, an enamel dial, produced by baking under extremely high temperatures, behaves much like bone or porcelain â it never ages. But creating a perfect (uncracked) enamel face is another delicate element of the watchmaker's art.Platinum case: Platinum is the hardest of all metals to sculpt, so much so that watchmakers wear out a set of tools for every three pieces of platinum they work with.
However, it doesn't really workÂ for me.Â I think I would never several more reasons to take out a second mortgage for a watch.Â Here's what I'd like my watch to do for $312,000.
1.Â Cut the grass in the summer, rake leaves in the fall and shovel the driveway in the winter.Â Although I don't mind these tasks, I'd rather have someone or something else do it for me.
2.Â Make me breakfast every morning.Â I currently eat Cheerios and sometimes if I'm feeling exotic I'll make a toasted bagel with cream cheese.Â However, I want this watch to make pancakes, waffles and even eggs benedict.
3. Drive me all over town.Â I've never had a chauffeur but it seems like it would be fun.
4. Clean Baxter's kitty litter.
I can't think of more things at the moment for this super watch to do along with telling time.Â Wait, I just thought of another one:
5. Think of other things to do for me.
Did you hear the story about the whale that traveled more than 6-thousand miles searching for a mate?!Â The poor female whale swam from the Atlantic Ocean all the way to the Indian Ocean in hopes of finding that special whale. Scientists are amazed by this feat, but I'm kinda sad.
I started to wonder if this particular whale had tried on-line dating.Â Wouldn't that be better then schelpping all the way around the world looking for someone to swim around with for the rest of her life?Â I want to help this poor thing find true love so I'm going to help create her profile.Â The big question is which website should this whale (named Natalie) should use.
I guess we could go with E-Harmony, but there are so manyÂ questions on that siteÂ I may notÂ really know if Natalie's perfect Thanksgiving includes having sweet potatoes instead of mashed potatoes.
Next I thought J-Date might work, butÂ then I found outÂ Natalie is not aÂ Jewish whale.
AfterÂ a little more searching, I found the perfect site: Plenty of Fish.Â Okay, I know Natalie is a mammal, but it's got a water theme and I think that might work.
So I've been working on Natalie's profile and here's what I've come up with:
Name: Natalie Whale
Body type: Big boned
Likes: Enjoys water activities, but hates lying on the beach!Â Â Attrached to guys named Jonah.
Dislikes: Japanese fisherman and captains named Ahab.
Ideal first date: Light swim across the ocean, scare a few boaters and about 4,000 pounds of plankton for dinner.
Favorite bands: Moby, Phish
Favorite movies: Titanic, 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea, Poseidon Adventure (the 1972 version with Ernest Borgnine and Shelley Winters), Ocean's 11 and The Breakfast Club.
Short paragraph explaining yourself:Â I'm a sassy whale with a lot of stamina.Â Â After all,Â IÂ traveled more than 6000 miles looking for Mr. Right!Â However,Â Â I'm not desperate.Â I'm just picky.Â There may be whales a lot younger then me, but I'm smart and independent.Â Choose me and I'll never ask you to stop at a gas station to get directions because I've pretty much been everywhere!
Are people really upset with the opening of The Simpsons this past Sunday? As Bart said so many years ago, "Don't have a cow, man!"
As many of you know, I'm a huge Simpsons fan. I first saw the first family of comedy at an animation festival here in Madison when I was a student at the UW. I believe I've seen every episode since the show first started as its own series back in 1989. Okay, maybe I've missed two or three, but that's about it.
Many of my fellow Simpsons fans don't watch the show on a regular basis anymore, but I still feel an obligation to watch. I admit the shows aren't as good they used to be but it's hard to stay fresh after 20 years.
However, I believe they hit the mark on Sunday with the couch gag. Those of you not familiar with the couch gag it's quite simple. At the end of the opening credits the Simpsons end up on their couch and something happens. Maybe the couch is alive or they all turn into popsicles and get eaten by a giant hand that comes down from the ceiling or the whole scene turns into some kind of MC Escher drawing. Most are good and some are great.
Last Sunday was fantastic. The Simpsons asked Banksy , a graffiti artist from London to come up with the theme of the couch gag. The gag is long and dark, but very funny. Some have been insulted by the gag, but if the bosses at 20th Century Fox can take it we should be able to as well.
In case you missed it, check out the best couch gag in years....
We all have our bad days.Â There are things that happen at work or at home that really annoy us all.Â I now have a new way to avoid being grumpy.Â Whenever things get tough I simply say these two words:Â Michael Franti.
Michael Franti came in for a Studio M session this last Saturday and was truly inspirational.Â He's a musician who you may have just noticed with his songs "Say Hey (I Love You)" and "Sound of Sunshine."Â However, Franti has actually been making music for about 20 years.
So what's so inspirational about this guy?Â He is truly one giant ball of positive energy.
Before interviewing Franti, I did a little research and found out when the Iraq war started he flew to Baghdad to meet with some Iraqi people as well as U.S. soldiers.Â He didn't go on a USO tour with other musicians, he flew there on his own and walked around the streets.Â He even described his landing in Iraq.Â He said the pilot had to do a "spiral descent" which meant the plane dropped straight down as if it was crashing.Â This was done in order to avoid being hit by ground missiles.Â Franti then spent some time in Israel meeting with both Israelis and Palestinians to find out what life was like there.
Franti also walks around barefoot.Â He's been doing it for 10 years to help raise awareness about children all over the world who can't afford shoes.Â Along with not wearing shoes himself, he's part of an organization which raises money to provide shoes around the world. He only wears shoes when he's required or it's really snowy outside.Â In both those cases, he wears flip flops.
Franti was also given up for adoption when he was born.Â His birth mother is white and birth father is black.Â His mom wanted to give him up for adoption because she was worried people would judge him because he came from a mixed race family.Â The family that adopted is white and have three natural born children, but also two adopted African-American children.Â Franti says he learned in that household the importance of tolerance and truly accepting everyone no matter what color, religion or sexual orientation they may be.
Franti had the entire Studio M audience in the palm of his hand within the first minute of playing.Â His positive energy washed over the crowd immediately.Â NotÂ only was the music fantastic, but he talked about the importance of staying positive.Â It may sound corny, but he was being very sincere.Â He said he must work at staying positive each and every day, but that in time it gets easier and easier.Â He talked about how easy it is to be negative in a given situation, but if you work at staying the positive the outcome will be much better.
After the session was over, he took time to meet with each person who came and really talk with each person, even if it was just for a moment.Â I've watched hundreds of artists pose for a picture and not even make eye contact with the fan.Â Franti introduced himself to each person and made sure to look them in the eye.Â He even had stickers forÂ the little kids who came to the performance.
So the next time you're irritated because someone didn't do something properly at work or the fast food place messes up your order, just say Michael Franti.Â I know I will.
Click here to listen to Michael Franti perform "Say Hey (I Love You)"Â Live from Studio M.
Even if you don't have a Facebook account, you should check out the new movie The Social Network.Â I've been amazed with the rise of Mark Zuckerberg from the moment I learned about him.
He created Facebook from his dorm room at Harvard just a few years ago and now there are 500 million people who useÂ Facebook worldwide.Â As you watch the film, you'll soon discover it was not only Zuckerberg who had the idea.Â
This is a four star movie in my book, but this blog is more about Zuckerberg then the movie.
I'm fascinated not only with the fact that he has become the youngest billionaire ever, but in his lack of interest in the money.Â Zuckerberg doesn't have a billion in the bank, it's all on paper.Â However, he could still buy himself lots of cool things if he wanted to do it.
The articles and interviews I've read about Zuckerberg talk about his simple life style which includes driving an Acura TSX and living in a rather modest home in California that I believe he rents.Â Don't get me wrong, an Acura TSX is a nice car.Â I have one, but if I had a billion dollars I might be driving something else.
Zuckerberg was offered 1 billion from Google (or maybe it was Yahoo) for Facebook, but he turned it down.Â From what I can tell it wasn't because he wanted more money.Â He simply wanted to make sure that what he created continues to evolve.Â I truly believe Zuckerberg loves what he created and wants to see where he can take it next.Â He doesn't want to do it for the money, but rather to make the world moreÂ open and connected.Â Keeping the world open and connected is part of his mission statement.Â Â Whether that's a good idea can be saved for another blog.Â However, his love for his plan is the secret to becoming a billionaire.Â
You've probably heard this before, but it's really true.Â Here's the key to making big bucks: Find the thing you are passionate about and work like hell to keep that passion alive.Â Work day and night to makeÂ what you're passion about growÂ and evolve and then the money will follow.
I'm usually not one to poke fun at other people's mistakes.Â However, these t.v. news mistakes are too good not to share!
This first one would probably more accurate if Clinton was still President:
I'm sure Norah's friends had a good time with this one:
This next won seams okay two me.Â What about yoo?
A girl's got to be comfortable, right?
Palin has really let herself go:
Those athletes never speak clearly anyway, so what's the problem?
President Obama made a stop in Madison yesterday afternoon to rally students to vote this November.Â Lindsay and I were lucky enough to be guests of Mayor Dave for the event. Â It almost felt like we were behind the scenes.Â Â We weren't in the holding area where the President was waiting to come out and address the crowd and we didn't even get to meet him.Â However, the picture on the left shows how close we were to the action.Â I'd say we were about 120 feet from the President.
We felt like we were backstage watching him speak to the crowd.Â It definitely gave me a different perspective on the whole event.Â We could watch the reactions of the crowd without really being part of the crowd.Â It was very cool.Â I'd love it if someday those who are in disagreement with the President would come to a rally to hear what he has to say.Â The President was obviously preaching to the choir yesterday.Â Who am I kidding?Â Every politician at every rally is always preaching to the choir.
I'm a supporter of Obama and believe in his mission, but yesterday I got a few things wrong.Â I now know:
1) Mayor Dave Cieslewicz pronounces his name Chess-LA-Vich not Chess-LEV-ich.Â Even Mayor Dave didn't know he was saying it wrong until Obama said it properly during the rally.
2) The Packers and Bears did not play on Monday Night Football.Â Obama mentioned the game and said it was on Sunday.
3) You hear what you want to hear.Â I thought his speech was great.Â It sounded inspiring to me.Â However, people I know who aren't Obama fans thought he sounded desperate.Â They heard the same speech, but had a much different interpretation.
Bottom line:Â We all speak and understand English, but he yesterday he was speaking two different languages.
One of Madison's student newspapers (The Badger Herald) got a chance to be part of a group interview of President Barack Obama before his visit to Madison this afternoon.Â A student asked Obama why he picked Madison for a rally.
Obama something like: "First of all, I'm a mid-west guy so any chance I get to come back to the mid-west I'm always happy about it.Â Second, I love Madison and when I was just out of college I used to drive up to Madison and have fun times...which I can't discuss in detail."
So what could Obama have been doing here in Madison?Â Kitty pictured him wandering up and down State Street after having a few too many at the Kollege Klub.Â She imagined him visiting on Halloween weekend and trying to climb one of those light poles the police grease.
I don't picture him running up and down State Street or sliding down Bascom Hill on a lunch tray from the Union.Â I kinda picture him doing something a little more studious.Â Perhaps he snuck into the Memorial Library and studied in the stacks exclusively reserved for UW grad students.
I guess we'll never know.
Most Bears fans are pretty fired up for tonight's match-up between Green Bay and Chicago, but I have to admit I'm a little nervous.Â For those of you new to my blog I'm a Bears fan, but Â I will not apologize because I was born and raised in Chicago.
During the last 11 years it's been pretty tough to be a Bears fan in Wisconsin.Â Yes, in recent years (excluding last season) the Bears have managed to win a few games against the Packers, but overall we Bears fans have had Green Bay quarterback envy basically since forever.
It seems like it should be different now because the Bears have a decent quarterback, but for some reason it isn't yet.Â Aaron Rogers seems like a quarterback destined for many great seasons while Jay Cutler seems like a quarterback who might be good if he doesn't get himself in trouble.
I remember when the Rolling Stones weren't the only ones Sucking in the Seventies.Â Both theÂ teams were horrible and they only highlight of the season was finding out which team sucked a little less.
The Bears dominated the 80's but then it turned into all Packer gold.Â The Packers have been great and the Bears well,Â besidesÂ theÂ Super Bowl appearance a few years ago, there hasn't been that much to cheer.
Years ago both teams were good at the same time and maybe we'll be lucky to have that again.Â Â These days most of the players on both teams don't consider this gameÂ any bigger than any other game of the season.Â That's not how it used to be when the Packers and Bears faced off.Â Supposedly,Â Bears owner and coach George Halas used to turn off the hot water in theÂ visitors locker room when the Packers came to town.Â It's also rumoredÂ he wouldÂ provide towels with huge holes.
Hopefully tonight will be a close game that ends in heartbreak for one side.Â This is still a good rivalry, but it's time for it to be a great one again.
Last night the Minnesota Twins clinched the American League Central Division and I almost texted a few of my friends who are fans of the team to congratulate them.Â
I didn't do it.
No, it's not because I'm a White Sox fan and upset they didn't make it to the playoffs. It's simplyÂ because my friends had nothing to do with the Twins success.Â Why should I congratulate them?Â Â
I have to admit that when the Chicago Blackhawks won the Stanley Cup, I did call an old friend who is a big fan.Â Instead of congratulating him we did someÂ Â reminiscing about all the years he's been waiting for the Blackhawks to win.Â Â It really makes more sense, doesn't it?
However, Kitty thinks I have it all wrong.Â She thinks I should encourage people to congratulate their friends and we can create a line of gretting cards for the occasion.
Brandi Carlile visited Triple M this past Saturday for a Live from Studio M session before her sold out show at the Barrymore.Â Not only is Brandi a fantastic singer, but she also mature beyond her years.
I had read Brandi does not like to "sell out", but I know she did a commercial for General Motors.Â Â During the interview I asked her howÂ doingÂ aÂ commercial for cars isn't being a sell out.Â Her answer was amazing.
Brandi told me GM approached her to use her song "The Story" for a commercial that would air during the Olympics.Â They offered her A LOT of money to do it.Â She was resistant and told them the only way she would do it was if she could have a hand in creating the commerciallÂ It also had to highlight the positive things GM is doing to help the environment.
They agreed, but perhaps what was even more impressive was what she told me next.Â She donated ALL the money she made from the commercialÂ to charity.
It makes you have an even deeper appreciation of the commercial and more importantly Brandi.
I try to think of myself as somewhat fashionable, but after visiting Greece on my honeymoonÂ I realize I don't have a chance when it comes to being chic overseas.Â Take a look at these pictures:
This guy was at the Acropolis in Athens.Â Yes, he's wearing a snoopy t-shirt and white sun glasses, rolled-up shorts and a murse (man-purse).Â Â Really?!Â That guy was probably on vacation like Lindsay and me.Â He took a Snoopy shirt with him on his trip!Â He looked over all his clothes and thought a Snoopy shirt was a good choice.
Now take a look at this guy:
He was also hanging out at the Acropolis.Â He was a little more traditional in his outfit, but he was still modern enough toÂ charge meÂ one euro to take a picture with him.
This afternoon Mark Olson came in for a Studio M session.Â Mark is one of the founding members of The Jayhawks, but he left the band back in the mid 90's.Â He went on to create another band with his then-wife Victoria Williams, but is now doing solo work.Â His new album is called Many Colored Kite.Â Olson was a great interview as he had many stories about his childhood and adventures the last few years playing throughout Europe.
However, one of the most interesting parts of the interview had to do with You Tube.Â Olson told me he actually goes to You Tube to watch other guitar players so he can learn.Â Olson has been playing the guitar for more than 25 years, but says he still can learn from others out there.Â He also mentioned how important it is to "take your music seriously".Â Olson says many musicians (including himself) reach a certain level, but then don't push themselves to get any better.Â He says there's constantly room for improvement and even the best can still get better.
A great philosophy that can be applied to a lot more than just guitar players.
I had the chance to see U2 while Lindsay and I were on our honeymoon in Greece and although it cost more than I would have liked to pay, it was worth every penny.
I had never seen U2 in the past, so I can't compare pre and post back surgery Bono, but even if this was Bono and half speed it was still amazing.
I have never seen a major rock band outside the United States before and there were some interesting things I noticed.Â First of all, it's funny to hear the crowd sing along to a song like "Without or Without You" but hearÂ a distinct accent.Â For at least 95% of the crowd, English is their second language.
There was also tons and tons of smoking.Â Despite Olympic Stadium being totally open air, it still smell like a giant ash tray.
When Bono addressed the crowd he spoke in English, but in one particularly preachy section of the show, Bono was sure to have his thoughts translated into Greek on a big video screen.Â It really didn't matter because in English or Greek the crowd just wanted to hear the hits.Â Preachy doesn't work well here and it doesn't in Greece either.
The concert was excellent.Â All the moving parts (Bono, The Edge, Larry Mullins and Adam Clayton) worked together without a hitch.Â Musically they were right on.Â
As far as what they were wearing, it always suprises me how they dress so differently.Â Bono is always in leather,Â The Edge looks like a gay lumberjack (he wears a flannel shirt with some sequins or rhinestones on it), Adam Clayton was wearing a glittery t-shirt that could have been stolen from Mick Jagger's closet and Larry Mullin had the typical drummer t-shirt.Â It was tight and had some sort of design on it, but it was rather subtle.
Finally, a quick review of the food.Â I didn't see a lot of choices, but they did have hot dogs.Â The dog had some kind of mystery sauce and it was DELICIOUS.Â Lindsay was grossed out, but I thought it was great and not expensive.
So in short: Good music, good crowd, too much smoking and great hot dogs.
Okay so summer has come to an end, no worries.Â The Capital Brewery will make your fall awesome!Â
Oktoberfest & Autumnal Fire are available at the Capital Brewery and on store shelves around town.Â You can also catch the Capital Brews at the Thirsty Troll Brewfest in Mt. Horeb this Saturday afternoon.
Here are some other things our good buddies at the Capital Brewery are up to this month:
Keg & Cork Tickets are going fast .Â It's a fundraiserÂ for the Cystic FibrosisÂ Foundation.Â It takes placeÂ Friday, Sept. 17th
Â Bluphies is hosting a Supper Club dinner featuring classic Supper Club food, Supper Club beer (and other Capital brews), and the Supper Club Playboys performing your favorite jazz standards from the 20âs & 30âs.
On Thursday, 9/23, from 6-8:30PM take a journey into the woods, along the lake, and across the highways & byways of Wisconsin's culinary history! Enjoy a classic supper club menu, Capital Supper Club beer (and other Capital brews), and hear food & travel expert Brenda Bredahl explain the supper club culture. Registration deadline is Wednesday, 9/15 -Call 608-264-6563 for more details.
Dogtoberfest to benefit the Dane County Humane Society is Saturday, 10/2nd from 11AM-5PM in the Garten.
And, of course, they're still serving in the Bier Garten through September!
Just when you think a pop culture phenomenon can't get any bigger, it somehow happens. We've all seen the commercials for The Snuggie, the stupid blanket with sleeves. We've all joked about it, but you know at least one person who has purchased one.
The Cleveland Cavaliers had a promotion where each fan donned a Snuggie for about five mintues and set a world record for Snuggie wearing. Sadly, Cleveland cannot be world champ of anything. The Los Angeles Angels of Anahiem gave Snuggies to all their fans and set a new record.
So just when you think they've reached as far as they can, they've come up with a new ad campaign. It is so stupid. It's so bad. It's so lame. It's so amazing! They've done it again! Check it out:
Wait! There's more! They want people to make up their own Snuggie jingles. Genius.
A new list of the top college mascots is out and Bucky's not in?!Â The list comes from the Huffington Post and I can't figure out why the Buckster didn't make it.Â Â There are a few cool mascots on the list, but it also includes some I don't understand like the West Virginia Mountaineers.
Seriously?!Â Bucky is way better than this guy.Â Besides I thought a mascot is supposed to be a little unusual.Â Isn't this the way everyone in West Virginia dresses?
The Cleveland Cavaliers have decided to go with new uniforms now that hometown hero LeBron James has flown the coup for Florida.Â I think it was a good idea for them to make a change and a fresh start.Â Here are the new uniforms:
I think they look pretty good.Â I know the owner of the Cavs was pretty upset when LeBron left the team.Â If you forgot about Dan Gilbert's open letter to the fans, you can click here to read it.Â It's good news that he's moving forward and not dwelling on the past.
Oh no!Â I've just heard Gilbert is NOT over LeBron leaving.Â In fact, the new uniforms apparently says F-U LEBRON on the front and YOU SUCK JAMES on the back.Â However,Â Â these words only appear when the players start to sweat which means will be seeing it A LOT this season.
Brett Favre isÂ back...again.Â It appears many in Packer Nation are annoyed once again.Â It seems on the surface Favre is playing with football fans' emotions by saying he's retired and then coming back time and time again.
Many people are more ticked off by the fact he appears to act like a diva by making such a production out of whether or not he'll return.Â Others are upset he no longer wears the Green and Gold.Â Â The jury is still out on who's really to blame for him leaving the Packers.
So what's the best way to deal with Favre?Â
Distract yourself with something else.Â Get outside before every inch ofÂ real estate is covered in snow!Â I know it's not possible for all of the media to just wait and see if he's out on the field for the first regular season game, but it would be great if that's what happened.
I don't know if Brett has been reaching out to the media trying to get attention or if the media keeps following him around trying to get answers.Â Bottom line we won't know if he's really playing until he's playing or not playing.Â LET IT GO.
If I were Vikings Head Coach Brad Childress, I'd tell Brett the key is under the matt and the porch light will be on and I would hope he's back before the Vikings play their first game against the Saints in New Orleans.
I'm not sure how music works for you, but for me it's quite simple. There are three categories:
1) Can't stand it
2) Tuna Sandwich
3) Love it and leave it
4) True love
The first category is pretty self-explanatory. Some songs rub me the wrong way and no matter how many times I hear it, I still can't stand it. "Down on the Corner" by Creedence Clearwater Revival, I'm looking in your direction.
The second category is where a lot of the music ends up. It's pretty good, but not amazing. Kinda like a tuna sandwich. I'll order it and it will be good and fill me up, but it's not so memorable.
The next category are songs I enjoy it and play over and over and over again on my I-pod. It's a torrid affair lasting several weeks or even months, but then suddenly I'm just done with the song. Perhaps, I'll visit it again after several months or years, but I usually forget about it.
The final category is for a select few tunes. I don't know why, but these songs stand the test of time. I won't listen to them every day or even every week, but when I do hear these particular songs they are as enjoyable to me today as the very first time I heard it.
Here's one of those songs. John Prine's "Ain't Hurtin' Nobody". He'll be back in Madison on September 17th at Overture Center. Enjoy:
There's a new movie about Facebook coming out in a few months called The Social Network. It looks really good, but I've been turned on to something even better.
First here's the trailer for The Social Network:
Looks amazing, doesn't it?
However, I love parodies even more:
Tomorrow night the Packers and Browns will play a pre-season football game at Lambeau Field.Â Too soon!Â I know there are tons of football fans ready for the season to begin, but I'm not one of them.
Perhaps, it's the fact I'm a Bears fan and the Packers will probably be better than the Bears again.Â It will be quite annoying for me when Aaron Rodgers passes for 9,000 yards this season.Â Okay, slight exaggeration.Â He'll probably only throw for 6,000.
One of the other reasons I'm not ready for football has to do with body paint.Â As you may know, I ventured into the world of body painting when I went to a New York Yankee game last week.Â If you haven't seen the horrifying pictures you can check them out here. I'm worried about my new urge to paint again and a football game would be the perfect place to do it.
However, I think the real reason is football means the end of summer.Â I know there's still time left, but I want to make sure I take another swim,Â go for another joyride on my bicycle and maybe even squeeze in another picnic or two before it's too late.
You should too.
Have you ever gotten dressed and later in the day wished you had made a different choice when it came to the clothes you were wearing?Â Perhaps the shirt is a little too tight or maybe the pants haveÂ a stain you didn't see while getting dressed.
Well, I had that same kind of feeling when I was in New York City over the weekend.Â No, it wasn't that I had selected a shirt missing a button.Â I selected no shirt.Â As mentioned in yesterday's blog, I went to the Yankee/Red Sox game on Saturday with my good friends Keith and Larry.Â We decided to paint our chests.
Yeah, we painted our chests.Â We tried to be creative.Â I had a large "C" painted on my chest.Â Keith also had a "C".Â Larry had a "K" on the front and a backwards K on his back.Â Why?Â Well, C.C. Sabathia was pitching for the Yanks and he usually strikes out a lot of batters.Â K is the letter you use when keeping score at a baseball game.Â A backwards K means the batter watched the third strike go by as opposed to actually swinging at the ball.
We rode the bus, the subway and then sat in our seats with no shirts.Â You know how you feel self conscious when you have a stain on your shirt?Â Not even close to how we felt, but we did it anyway.Â It seemed like most people found it funny and a few people even took pictures with us in the subway and outside the stadium.
Will we do it again?
I'm sure these police officers hope we don't.
Did I really turn into THAT GUY?
You know who THAT GUY is, right? He's the guy who see at a sporting event with his face or chest painted. You always wonder how THAT GUY got up in the morning and thought it was a good idea to paint his face or chest with colors related to his favorite team.
Why would THAT GUY think anyone at the stadium or ballpark really wants to see his out-of-shape and probably too hairy chest?
The only thing worse than THAT GUY is, of course, THOSE GUYS which is simply more than one of THAT GUY together.
Yes, I decided it would be a good idea to go with a couple of friends to a national televised major league game with our chest painted.
I'll explain the thought (or lack thereof) behind this plan and even provide some pictures for those with strong stomachs.
Check back tomorrow.
This morning 77 Square's Rob Thomas stopped in to review a new movie starring Casey Affleck.Â However, I couldn't stop looking at the shirt he was wearing.Â He purchased it at the concert he attended the night before.
There was no problem with the shirt.Â The problem I had was that Rob was wearing it the day AFTER the show.
I don't know why, but I don't like when people wear the a concert t-shirt theÂ next day.Â It seemsÂ like they're too eager.Â I can't really justify my stance.Â I don't have a logical reason.Â What's even craizer is the fact that I wouldn't have a problem if he wore it a few days later.Â
At least I'm not as bad as an old friend of mine, Ned.Â He would refuse to wear clothing into a store he purchased.Â In other words, if he bought something at The Gap he would never walk into the store wearing the shirt he purchased there.Â His reason?Â He didn't want to look like "a fan" of the store.
Now that's crazy!
WWBD? Those are what the new line of wristbands I'm introducing will say.Â WWBD stands for What Will Brett Do?
Brett Favre says this time he's really, positively, absolutely, no question, 100 percent sure, definitely done with his NFL career.Â Perhaps, he's serious this time because he's saying it early enough in the Vikings training camp so they can prepare for the upcoming season.Â I still wouldn't be surprised if he changed his mind a few weeks into the season.Â In fact, that's what he may already be planning.
Okay for the sake of this blog, I'll take him at his word and believe that he's calling it a career.
So the question remains: WWBD?!
Here are some suggestions:
I don't really think this is a good choice because a Football Hall of Famer like Brett probably can't understand why every single quarterback can through perfect passes into double coverage for touchdowns.
New Judge on American Idol
Also bad idea because "If it ain't country music, it's crap!"
Join the shirtless brigade
Not familiar with the "SB"? That's Lance Armstrong and Matthew McConaughey. He could wander around beaches and clubs without his shirt off. However, he would probably wouldn't last because he wouldn't want to shave his chest.
This may actually be one of the best choices because he's been pretty good at ripping people's hearts out for the last few years.
However, I think the best idea for Brett in his post NFL-days is to open up a chain of restaurants.Â However, the best name for his place has already been taken:Â WAFFLE HOUSE.
Hey Brett, see you on the football field in about the third week of the season!
I generally think of myself as liberal, but I think I want to make a change.Â No, I'm not turning into a conservative or a radical.Â I'd like to declare myself as "open-minded".
I think what pushed me into this new way thinking was after watching Bill Maher perform last night at Overture Center.Â I usually enjoy Mr. Maher's takes on world events and last night was decent, but in some ways it didn't seem much different than a rally for those annoying Tea Party freaks.
Most of us like to think we're open-minded, but I just don't think it's true.Â One of theÂ main things thatÂ bothers me about many of the the conservative talk show hosts areÂ the sweeping generalizations about liberals and democrats.Â Conservative talk show hosts will saysÂ democrats are trying to ruin the country andÂ want to keep people on welfare.Â Â It felt last night at times that Maher was doing the same thing about conservatives and republicans.
Are all liberals good hearted and all conservatives evil?Â Hardly.
I like to take things on a case by case basis.Â Maybe it's not realistic, but I just can't get on board with one group and simply delcare that another group is filled with idiots.Â It appears we're all taking the easy way out by simply picking a side and sticking with it.Â
Is it possible to be in a favor of gay marriage and the right to bear arms?Â Â
What ever happened to critical thought and analysis?
All of us were a little embarrassed of our parents when we were kids.Â It's just the way it works.Â Perhaps your dad comes to pick you up from a party and says something corny or maybe your mom makes a fuss about you wearing a coat and she does it in front of your friends.
We all grow out of it and eventually appreciate our folks and realize they were doing whatever it was for our own good.
However, a kidÂ in GeorgiaÂ has the right to be embarrassed by his dad...forever.Â There's a town called Warner Robins and the mascot is a demon.Â Â The kid has a dad who is a pastor.
Can you see where this is going?
You got it.Â Â The dad doesn't want his son cheering for the DEMONS!!!!
Really?Â Is it that bad?Â Does he think his son's head will start spinning around a la Linda Blair in The Exorcist?Â
I'm all for changing mascots that represent Native Americans because I do believe those can be disrespectful to a real group of people, but a demon?
SomeÂ of my heros (in no particular order) are:
Chicago newspaper columnist Mike Royko
A lot of people want to meet a hero to talk about what a big influence that person had on their life.Â Obvioulsy, I can do that with my parents.Â Â Although they still haven't given me their cell phone numbers.Â Â
I've never really want to meet my heros because I always expected it will be a real let down.Â What could James Taylor say to me after I would tell him how much I enjoy his music?Â Really, what's the point? Â He doesn't know me.Â He's not suddenly going to become my friend after I shake his hand.Â Â The only thing we have in common is that we can both sing all the words to "Shower the People".Â He wrote it.Â I just like it.Â If I was a musician perhaps we'd have some commong ground, but only if he heard a song of mine and liked it.Â
I did talk to Mike Royko once.Â I was nervous and I ended up hanging up on him.Â Cool.Â I met Walter Payton for a brief second when I was in high school and got his autograph, but I didn't really say much.Â
I think we all have this fantasy that we'll meet our hero and he or she will want to become friends and will chat with us.Â I'm a stranger to James Taylor.Â I'm sure he appreciates that I buy his music, but that doesn't mean he wants to be my friend or could even be a friend.Â
All that being said, I had a chance to meet Steve Martin last night and I went for it.Â He played at Overture Center.Â I was called on to introduce the opening act, The Punch Brothers.Â After I finished my duties, I was left alone back stage unsupervised.Â I heard some music coming from a dressing room and headed in that direction.
It would be great if the story then went something like this:
I wander into the the room and thereÂ is Steve sitting on the couch.Â He smiles and asks me to sit down.Â I tell him I've been a fan of his stand-up comedy, his novellas and even the play he wrote.Â I tell him how much I admire his early struggles in show businessÂ and how much I've enjoyed his comedy pieces in The New Yorker.Â I admire that he's an avid art collector and a deep thinker.Â He thanks me and asks me where he should get a drink after the show.Â I suggest Le Tigre Lounge and he agrees to meet me there after the show.Â We hang out for hours.Â At bar time, he give me his cell phone number and invites Lindsay and me to visit him the next time weÂ are in California.
Not so much.
Here's what happened:
He was sitting with two members of his back-up band.Â I said, "Welcome to Madison, gentlemen."Â He smiled brief and went back to playing the banjo.Â I shook hands with the two other musicians, but Martin refused.Â He said his hand is sore and he needs to be careful so he can play the banjo.Â There was a brief pause and then I told them I was the Mayor of Madison.Â I don't know why.Â The two other musicians were slightly impressed and one of them said, "Thanks for having us in your city."Â Martin didn't seem that interested.Â I then said, "I'm really just a morning guy from a local radio station."Â I then slowly backed out of the room.Â Game over.
It was exactly as I expected.Â He wasn't rude, but he wasn't interested.Â I completely understand.Â Why should he been interested?Â He was getting ready for a show and some random guy pops in for no reason.
So the only person on my list who I haven't met or spoken with briefly is James Taylor.Â Next time he comes to Madison, I think I'll do my best to be out of town.
This blog is not a complaint, but more of an observation.Â Â Â We now have theÂ ability toÂ stay in touch more than ever with things like Facebook, but does it really bring us closer together?
What am I talking about?
Today is my birthday and my Facebook page is filled with birthday greetings.Â That's great, but a lot of the people are "friends" who I haven't seen or talked to in probably 10 to 15 years.Â Â We became "friends" because theÂ Facebook genie suggested us to each other and with a simple click we're now "friends."
In some waysÂ it's nice that someone IÂ sort of knew in high school and then lost touchÂ completely when we graduated took the three seconds to write "Happy Birthday!"Â Â Â So I might take another three seconds and wonder how they are or better yet who they really are.Â Let's be honest, I really haveÂ no idea.Â I could probably find out a little more information by bumping around theirÂ Facebook page and looking at their pictures and finding out where they live and how many kids they have (if any).Â
Does this really make us closer or does it just create a longer list of people we really don't know, but pretend like we do because a program in Facebook reminded us to post a "happy birthday" to someone who really isn't part of our life.
Again, I'm not complaining.Â I'm just wondering.
Don't get me wrong I really love e-mail, but there are some things about it that tick me off.Â One of the main ones is how lazy it has made us.Â No, I don't expect people to go walking to the post office to send a letter, but this instant form of communication has made us soft.
Not sure what I mean?
Today I got an e-mail from Gabby Parsons our music maven.Â She comes into our show every Thursday with cool new music.Â I love Gabby, but I'm about to rip on her.Â She sent out an e-mail with the subject line: Cupcakes.
I was pretty excited hoping it would tell me there were delicious cupcakes in the break room.Â Instead here's what the e-mail said:
Hey.. who ate my lemon cupcake from the upstairs fridge?Â Â GRRRRR
I understand the theft of a cupcake is annoying, but me being faked out that there would be cupcakes in the break room is almost as annoying.
More importantly, we're running into a real problem here.Â Gabby should walk around the station and search for cupcake crumbs our co-workers cubicles.Â She should walk from person to person and look for frosting on the sides of their lips.Â She should talk to our co-workers to see if anyone has lemon scented breath!
She'll never ever find the guilty via e-mail.Â Â Would Sherlock Holmes send an e-mail asking others to help him solve a crime?Â Never.Â However, I wouldn't be suprised if he did Tweet "Elementary, my dear Watson" a few times.
I've just heard some terrible news!Â There are a few words the spell check on computers usually miss.Â I'm a horrible speller and use spell check all the time.Â I just found out spell check doesn't usually know the difference between its and it's.Â It also has a hard time with sails and sales.Â Apparently, it can't tell the difference between threw and through.Â It also can't deal with then and than.
I guess the next time I'm at an important sails meeting with clients, I'll just have to act confident and not let this knock the wind out of my sales.Â I'm feeling pretty confident.Â I think I can get threw this just fine.Â Its probably okay that I through out my dictionary years ago.Â You no what?!Â I'm feeling reely goode about this hole thing.Â I think I'm much smarter then I'm giving credit four.Â I may czech this over than give it to my editor, butt I don't think I really need two.
I'm sure you've seen a musician playing on the street with his or her guitar case openÂ Have you ever thrown any change in the case?Â Many times I've walked by without throwing anything in and I've felt bad about it later.Â Well, now I have my chance to make up for it and so do you.
Local musician Mike Droho has driven more than 100-thousand miles with his band playing gigs all over the country.Â His Jeep has seen it all and is almost ready to be sent to that giant parking lot in the sky.
Mike is asking his supporters , if I may quote Supertramp, "give a little bit".Â He must raise 5-thousand bucks by Thursday.Â At the time, I'm writing this blog he's got about 4-thousand bucks.Â If he doesn't hit 5K by Thursday, he has to return everything he's raised
Mike was our Project M champion last season.Â Those of you not familiar with Project M, where have you been?!Â It's our local reality show where musicians have to write and perform original songs each week.
Mike is serious about his music is committed to making it.Â However, his Jeep is not.Â Watch his video here and if you can donate...DO IT.
Throwing out the first pitch at a baseball game is something I've always wanted to do.Â I've watched so many people do it over the years and I've wondered if I would be able to throw a strike or would the ball bounceÂ before crossing home plate.
Apparently last night I had my chance, but I didn't even know it.
Lindsay and I had some friends over for a BBQ and I left my cell phone sitting upstairs.Â At the end of the evening, I noticed there was a message.Â It was from Beth in our promotions department.Â Here's what she said:
"Hey Jonathan it's 6:30.Â You're supposed to throw out the first pitch at 6:40.Â Hope to see you soon."
That was it.Â I do forget a lot of things, but not this one.Â I had no idea I was supposed to be at the Mallards game on Wednesday night throwing out the first pitch.Â It would be like someone leaving you a message wondering if you were going to show up to the polar bear break dance lessons you were teaching.
So even though I didn't make it to the game to throw the first pitch, I did manage to strike out.
As you may know, I'm a huge Chicago White Sox fan.Â I have been for years.Â My friend, Larry is a huge New York Yankees fan.Â He was born in New York and moved away when he was a 10-year-old, but Â he moved back in his mid 20's.
This morning I called him as the news came across that Yankees owner George Steinbrenner had passed away at the age of 80.Â For those of you who may not knowÂ a lot about Steinbrenner, he bought the Yankees in the early 70's.Â The mighty Yankees were struggling and no one was going to games.Â However, Steinbrenner turned things around and the team ended up winning another six titles while he was in charge.Â New York Yankee hats are EVERYWHERE.Â It's safe to say the Yankees are one of the most popular teams in the world and that's mainly because of Steinbrenner's tough ways.Â He would fire managers constantly and pressured them to win, win, win.Â He also backed it up with cash so the general manager could get the players needed to win championships.
I called Larry to get his reaction.Â Here was the conversation:
Me: "Hey Larry.Â Did you hear the news?"
Larry: "What happened?"
Me: "George Steinbrenner is dead."
Larry: "So what?"
Yes, his first reaction was simply "so what?".Â I was a little suprised, but then after a moment it seemed to make perfect sense.Â New York Yankee fans are a lot like Steinbrenner.Â They are very demanding and what you did yesterday doesn't mean anything today.Â That's one of the reasons I think the team has 27 world championships, they don't rest on their laurels.
Yankee fans are much more concerned with looking forward.Â The old Yankee stadium was torn down despite 26 World Series being won there.Â
I think Steinbrenner would be pleased to know that one of the teams big fans wasn't interestedÂ in reliving Â the past and was more concerned about the team winning championship number 28.
There's an episode of The Simpsons where the family dog and cat are trying to get the family's attention.Â The dog learns to speak and the cat learns to play the piano.Â They also both start walking on their hind legs.Â
I admit this video isn't that dramatic, but I'm pretty sure the dog wants to make sure the family still knows he can do more then the new baby in the house...at least for now.
For weeks the sportsworld has been waiting to hear where LeBron James will play basketball.Â He finally gave his answer and it's Miami.Â
I feel bad for Cleveland.Â He's leaving that cityÂ after seven years of service and no championships.Â The city of Cleveland hasn't had any sports team win a championship since 1964.
As bad as I feel, it's not even close to how the owner of the Cleveland Cavailers feels.Â Check out what he wrote online:
Dear Cleveland, All Of Northeast Ohio and Cleveland Cavaliers Supporters Wherever You May Be Tonight;
As you now know, our former hero, who grew up in the very region that he deserted this evening, is no longer a Cleveland Cavalier.
This was announced with a several day, narcissistic, self-promotional build-up culminating with a national TV special of his "decision" unlike anything ever "witnessed" in the history of sports and probably the history of entertainment.
Clearly, this is bitterly disappointing to all of us.
The good news is that the ownership team and the rest of the hard-working, loyal, and driven staff over here at your hometown Cavaliers have not betrayed you nor NEVER will betray you.
There is so much more to tell you about the events of the recent past and our more than exciting future. Over the next several days and weeks, we will be communicating much of that to you.
You simply don't deserve this kind of cowardly betrayal.
You have given so much and deserve so much more.
In the meantime, I want to make one statement to you tonight:
"I PERSONALLY GUARANTEE THAT THE CLEVELAND CAVALIERS WILL WIN AN NBA CHAMPIONSHIP BEFORE THE SELF-TITLED FORMER âKINGâ WINS ONE"
You can take it to the bank.
If you thought we were motivated before tonight to bring the hardware to Cleveland, I can tell you that this shameful display of selfishness and betrayal by one of our very own has shifted our "motivation" to previously unknown and previously never experienced levels.
Some people think they should go to heaven but NOT have to die to get there.
Sorry, but that's simply not how it works.
This shocking act of disloyalty from our home grown "chosen one" sends the exact opposite lesson of what we would want our children to learn. And "who" we would want them to grow-up to become.
But the good news is that this heartless and callous action can only serve as the antidote to the so-called "curse" on Cleveland, Ohio.
The self-declared former "King" will be taking the "curse" with him down south. And until he does "right" by Cleveland and Ohio, James (and the town where he plays) will unfortunately own this dreaded spell and bad karma.
Sleep well, Cleveland.
Tomorrow is a new and much brighter day....
I PROMISE you that our energy, focus, capital, knowledge and experience will be directed at one thing and one thing only:
DELIVERING YOU the championship you have long deserved and is long overdue.... Dan Gilbert
Cleveland Cavaliers So Dan, how do you really feel?Â
I've watched more World Cup this year than in past years.Â Although that's not really saying much since I've only watched a total of about 5 minutes before this year.Â This year I've watched a total of 35 minutes.
I'm starting to understand the game a little more and I'm starting to see the appeal of the game.Â HOWEVER, I don't believe that this will be the year we all embrace soccer and it becomes a popular sport here.
Every four years I hear about how we Americans will finally grab a hold of the sport that the rest of the world loves.
Why do we have to love it?Â I can like it, but it's not going to become an obsession here.Â Think about it.Â We're always stubborn when it comes to the rest of the world.Â When are we joining the rest of the world by using the metric system?Â I remember them teaching it to me in elementary school.Â
Although there is one thing from this year's World Cup that I hope we do embrace...those awesome vuvuzelas!
I've been going to White Sox games regularly since 1982.Â I've never caught a foul ball.Â AnyÂ baseball fan would love to catch one.Â I'm not talking about a batting practice ball or a ball thrown to you by a player.Â I'm taking about a ball that was last touched by the bat and then ends up in your hands.Â
About five years ago, I went to a game by myself.Â I was sitting in the right field corner of the lower deck.Â A baseball came in my direction but a guy much taller than me was able to grab it.Â Years before that incident, a foul ball literally landed in my friend, Larry's lap.Â Â We were sitting in the upper deck on the third base side and Don Mattingly of the Yankees hitÂ the ball.Â I was happy Larry got that ball because he's a huge Yankee fan.
Since then I've been waiting andÂ waiting and waiting.Â Â A little over a week ago, I was back at a Sox game with Lindsay, her good friend Annalisa and her husband, Geoff.Â The girls decided to get snacksÂ so Geoff and I were sitting watching the game.Â We had good seats and we were in prime foul ball territory.Â Â
It was White Sox verses Cubs and it was a beautiful day.Â Geoff and I were having a great time.Â He's a big Cub fan so it was fun toÂ heckle each other.Â Â For some reason, IÂ decide to check my cell phone.Â I don't know why, but as I did a foul ball was hit into the upper deck right above us.Â I've been toÂ enough games to know that a ball in the upper deck can bounce to the lowerÂ deck.Â
That's exactly what happened.Â I was ready.Â Sort of.Â I still hadÂ the phone in my hand as the ball came down in the row right behind me.Â The guy in that row didn't catch it and we both dropped to theÂ ground trying toÂ get the ball.Â I wasÂ trying to get it with my one free hand, but suddenly the ball disappeared.Â It had rolled between my legs and was on the ground behind me.Â
Yes, Geoff grabbed the ball.Â
He did offer it to me, butÂ I couldn't take it.Â The only way I would have taken the ball from him was if I was about six years old and he was my dad.Â Otherwise, it's not cool.Â He got the ball.Â End of story.
Our Project M finale was last week at The Brink Lounge.Â It was an amazing event and all three contestants were on top of their game.Â As you probably know, we selected Jimmie Linville as our Project M Champion.Â Click here to check out the finale.
Meanwhile, one of the fun "activities" we had at The Brink was a photo booth.Â David Moore the Operations Manager at Triple M and I thought it would be a good idea to get into the spirit of the night and throw on some costumes.
One simple word can explain our photo.Â Mistake.
No, that's not correct.Â Two words describe it better: BIG MISTAKE.
Last Friday I was at the card store searching for the perfect Father's Day card. I was having a really tough time because most of the cards seemed to have the same theme:
Dad, it's okay that you were essentially an emotional void in the house. Your presence often made us all feel uncomfortable. I didn't really want to tell you much about my life because I felt like you would judge me plus it always seemed like you were really angry about work or money or at mom. But despite all that stuff, I now get it. After all you did give me my first beer...at age 7. Happy Father's Day!
Thankfully that was not what I was looking for in a card. I'm lucky enough to have a dad who was truly interested in what happened to me in school and despite having crummy days at work he managed to be upbeat when he got home. Even today he still always has time to listen to me complain and pretty much always has good advice.
I searched for quite some time to find a card that expressed my feelings, but couldn't find one. It seems like all the card writers at Hallmark had crappy dads. However, I finally did find the perfect card. It was blank inside.
There have been lots of different weight loss products and programs over the years, but I have discovered the best way to lose weight.Â I was not on this program, but today's guest blogger was on the program.Â He will now share his incredible fitness story.
Here is my cat, Baxter.
I've got a great weight loss program for you that works!Â I used to think of myself as "big boned".Â At least that's what I used to tell myself everyday when I couldn't properly give myself a tongue bath.Â I knew it was a bunch of kitty litter, but I couldn't admit to myself that I had a problem.Â I was weighing in at 18 pounds.Â That's a lot of cat treats!
Now I weigh in at an incredible 14 pounds!Â Before you rip on me for only losing 4 pounds remember that's like 20 pounds to you.
So how did I do it?Â It wasn't Richard Simmons or that new PX90 system.Â No, it was something much better.Â I convinced Jonathan and Lindsay to move out of their apartment into a house. So simple, but so effective!Â Now I can run up and down the stairs all day long!Â It really works!
I've also increased my workouts thanks to Jonathan accidentally leaving the front door open .Â Just yesterday he let a moth in the house and I was able to chase it up and down and all around the house.Â Â And for all you PETA fans, don't worry no moths were harmed in that exercise--except for the moth that was in the house.
Here's another tip for you.Â Make sure your bathroom is located in the basement because every time you gotta go...you gotta go all the way downstairs to do your business.
I've been thinking Jonathan should move his "litter box" to the basement.Â He could probably use the exercise.
Anyway, the next time you need to lose some weight remember these simple steps:
1) Convince the people you live with to buy a house with several floors
2) Convince the aforementioned people to let insects into the house for you to catch
3) Make sure all bathrooms are located in the basement ONLY.
4) Only eat dried pebble-like cat food
I admit I've never been a big fan of soccer or futbol as the rest of the world calls it.Â However, here are some reasons why you should have a little interest in the World Cup.
1) Unity.Â I know fans of soccer can be "a bit rowdy" to say the least, but this is still a sport in which countires get to battle each other without really going to war.
2) Skill.Â To many of us it may seem like soccer is just a bunch of guys running up and down the field.Â Not so much, the skill and stamina involved in soccer is really second to none.Â I loveÂ baseball and think that's a very difficult sport, but some of those baseball players are just plain fat!
3) It's cool.Â Many times the rest of the world looks to America for what's cool.Â We may have invented jazz, blue jeans and the automobile,Â but this who soccer-thingy is pretty darn neat.
I'm not asking you to watch all the matches or to even know the difference between a red and yellow card, but how about we skip the whole "soccer is stupid" bit for this World Cup?
The news from the Gulf continues to be depressing. I can't really stand watching all the wildlife soaked in oil. It seems like we're so helpless here in Madison. What can we do?
Sure, BP should pay for everything when it comes to the clean-up. Hopefully they will be able to pay all the costs. I'm even willing to give some money to organizations assisting in the clean-up especially when it comes to helping wildlife.
So what else can you do?
How about riding your bike whenever possible. The last time I checked the only oil needed for your bike is for the chain. So the next time you have a quick errand to run: TAKE YOUR BIKE!
Note: Yesterday I blogged about a concert Laurie Anderson performed for an audience of dogs.Â Today I have a guest blogger to tell us about the show.Â Here is my neighbor's dog, Scooter. Hello Triple M fans!
I'm Scooter!!!!Â I had the "honor" of going to Laurie Anderson's concert for dogs over the weekend in Australia.Â Holy milk-bones!Â What was she thinking?
First of all, who wants to go to a show filled with dogs?!Â It was disgusting!Â The lines for the fire-hydrants were way too long. I also had to wait in line for almost an hour to get a drink out of the toilet bowl!Â Come on!Â What is this, an animal shelter?!
Don't even get me started on the gear they were selling!Â They had dog booties with Laurie Anderson's face on the side.Â Don't humans know by now that we hate wearing dog booties?!
Okay.Â Enough complaints about the bathroomsÂ and gear.Â It's time to review the actual performance.
I'm sorry to say that Ms. Anderson has gone to the cats.
Not familiar with that expression?Â Most of you say "gone to the dogs" but we dogs don't really like that expression so we sayÂ "gone to the cats".
Anyway, the show sucked.Â She played a series of whale noises, whistles and sounds that only dogs can hear.Â Hey Laurie!Â Those sounds you can't hear aren't really that great.Â Would it have been too hard for her to cover some Johnny Cash?!Â Dogs love the Man in Black.
So in short, I wish I would have skipped the concert completely and stayed home instead doing what I do best: chasing that @#$%-ing squirrel that keeps coming in the yard and enjoy the ability to lick myself.
If you want to see a little of the show you can watch it here:
Musician Laurie Anderson put on a concert the other night for dogs.Â I'm talking real dogs.Â Yes, dogs.Â
Apparently, Ms. Anderson said she was backstage at a concert with famed cellist Yo-Yo Ma and said, "Wouldn't it be great if you're playing a concert and you look out and everyone's a dog?"
I wonder if she asked Yo Yo Ma if he thought it was a good idea.Â I alsoÂ wonder if he was able to contain has laughter?Â It doesn't matter what he said because she held the concert the otherÂ day in Sydney, Australia.Â Â The music included whale sounds, whistles and some high-pitched sounds that humans cannot hear.Â Â
After the concert, Anderson says she loved performing for the dogs because they were Â "uninhibited."
Of course they were unihibited!Â They're dogs!Â Â TheyÂ lick themselves andÂ sometimes eat their own crap!!Â Â What did she expect?!
Check back here tomorrow because I'll have a guest blogger who attended the concert!
A perfect game in baseball occurs when the pitcher is able to face the minimum amount of batters. Major League Baseball has been around since the late 1800's and there have only been 20 perfect games. In other words, perfect games are rare.
Well, not anymore. Two perfect games were thrown this month. The only other time that happened was in 1880! A third perfect game was thrown last night, but then it wasn't.
Armando Galarraga, a pitcher for the Detroit Tigers, had faced 26 batters in a row. The first batter in the ninth inning even hit a ball that almost went for a double but an amazing catch was made in the outfield. That always seems to happen in perfect games, it's about to be broken up but then someone does something incredible to keep it in tact.
This time someone did something horrible and it cost Galarraga the game. The first base umpire Jim Joyce called the 27th and final batter safe at first base when he was clearly out. The ball was hit to the second baseman who scooped it up and threw it to Galrraga who was covering first base. The runner was out by a step, but Joyce called him safe.
What's most amazing is what happened right after. Everyone was upset except for Galarraga. He actually smiled a bit and then got the next batter to ground out. His perfect game and a no hitter were both gone in a instant. His chance to be listed in Major League Baseball's Hall of Fame with the 20 other pitchers who've throw perfect games was gone. Some how he remained calm.
After the game, the umpire Jim Joyce watched a replay and admitted he made a mistake. He went to Galarraga and apologized. That's even more rare than a perfect game. I think it is absolutely amazing that Galarraga didn't go crazy and complain and yell. He had every right to do it.
I always say baseball teaches some good life lessons and this is one of them. This one taught us two lessons.
1) Admit your mistakes. After the game Jim Joyce watched the replay and admitted he was WRONG. You can hear his comments below in the video. So kudos to Joyce for admitted he was wrong.
2) Forgiveness. Even though someone else messed up and it cost Galarraga a chance at immortality in the baseball world, he simply took a deep breath and finished his job. He could have yelled at his "co-worker" Jim Joyce. He could have been furious with Joyce, but instead he accepted the apology and moved on.
Well done. On a side note, Galarraga did get a reward for being so cool about the whole situation. Click here to find out what he received.
Lindsay and I went on a quick trip to San Francisco over the Memorial Day weekend to visit our friend Kelly.Â Actually, Lindsay and Kelly have been friends since first grade.Â I guess that's one of the benefits of being engaged, I get a whole new group of friends.Â
We did some of the touristy things like going to the Golden Gate Bridge and a Giants game.Â San Francisco is a great city and there's so much to do.Â However, there was one thing we missed that I wished we would have done.Â No, it wasn't going to Alcatraz or to Fisherman's Wharf.Â It was dining at a restaurant called Opaque.
Some restaurants have fun themes like a 50's diner orÂ perhaps theÂ place looks like a giant rainforest.Â In the case of Opaque the whole place is pitch black.Â You can't see anything while you're in there.Â I'm not talking romantic candle lit dinner.Â I'm talking so dark you can't see your hand in front of your face.Â
Apparently the concept is for the person to experience the food withoutÂ all theÂ other senses getting in the way.Â
Sadly, I think my sense of fear would probably get in the way.Â I'd be afraid that I wouldÂ cut myself with my knife or that the foodÂ would beÂ undercooked or that there would be aÂ giant hair right in the middle of my---wait, what am I eating again?!
What if I have to go to the bathroom?Â I have a hard enough time not bumping into things when the lights are on?!
I also think I would end up offending another one of the people at my table.Â "I'm so sorry.Â I swear I was just reaching for the salt."
Despite my hesistation, we almost went in for dinner.Â However, we thenÂ found out Â it cost $100 dollars a person for the meal.Â Â I was ready to eat dinner in total darkness, I just wasn't ready to be robbed blind doing it.
I have never served in the military nor did my father or even my grandfather. However, we've all had great respect for those who have served our country. Anytime I meet someone who currently is in our Armed Forces or is a veteran I ALWAYS thank them.
This weekend is the unofficial start of summer. It's a time to hang out with friends, bbq and get excited for good weather and lots of fun activities. However, you should really take a moment to remember that we are honoring all those who sacrificed their lives so we could hang out with friends, grill some burgers and watch baseball or the Indy 500 or the Stanley Cup.
Come Friday the birds will be singing a happier tune and the squirrels will have an extra skip int their step.Â Why?Â It's the opening weekend for the Bier Garten Music season at the Capital Brewery!Â
Gates open at 1pm on Friday and the live music starts at 6pm with the one and onlyWestside Andy/Mel Ford BandÂ Â They'll play untilÂ 9pm, but you can hang outÂ until 1o.Â
There will also be plenty of food tooÂ and the proceeds willÂ benefit the Badger Honor Flight
As far as brews, the Capital Weizen is out of hibernation andÂ will be onÂ tap in the Garten!Â There will also beÂ tickets on sale for the June 26th Summer Solstice Beer Lovers Festival in Glendale.
I really can't wrap my brain around this oil spill. I tend to look away when I see video of all the wildlife struggling with this disaster. However, it looks like the folks at BP are at least trying to make things better. Check out this new "ad" for the oil giant.
Today is the birthday of a person who has made a huge impact on American culture and has guided us through some rough times in our nation's history. Some have questioned his methods. I've heard people say they can't really understand what he's saying or what he is trying to tell us. No, I'm not talking about Bob Dylan. I'm speaking of Tommy Chong.
Okay, I'm not really a big fan of either Dylan or Chong. However, I thought Chong should get a little coverage today because most everyone else will be talking about Dylan.
This morning when I went to Google something I noticed the word Google was actually a game of Pac-Man.Â Google often changes its logo to celebrate the birth anniversary of a famous person or an historic day.Â Today they created a Pac-Man game to celebrate the 30th anniversary of this classic arcade game.
You could actually play a game of Pac-Man right there on the Google homepage.Â Yes, I played a game or two or three.Â It's amazing to me that the game was right there and ready to be played.Â I remember being a just a kid when the game came out and begging my parents for a quarter so I could go play this new, super cool and advance game called Pac-Man.Â It was so much better than a game of Space Invaders.Â Pac-Man was in color and Space Invaders was in black and white!Â There were even little "skits" the Pac-Man and the ghosts would perform after you completed a few rounds.
It's amazing how things we were introduced to us as kids are still fun when we're older.Â I'm sure kids today would be bored stiff playing a game of Pac-Man.Â I can hear the complaints.
"Why isn't this in 3D?"
"What kind of crappy music is this in the background?"
"This is boring!Â Don't you blow anything up?!"
I guess it's the same as my reaction to Ball and Cup.Â I'm sure there were millions of kids who played with this simple device.Â It's a ball on a string and you try to get it in the cup.Â So stupid.Â Â However, there are probably a lot of older people out there who would actually enjoy going a couple of rounds with that feisty ball.
It's also amazing to me that a game my friends and I thought was so advanced can now be so easily recreated on a search engine's homepage.
I wonder what will happen 30 years from now.Â Will there be some type ofÂ invention we don't even know about yet where the 30th anniversary of Grand Theft Auto 5 is easily displayed and played as a novelty?
Despite the fact that I had fun playing Pac-Man on the Google page, I now realize my Pac-Man Fever from childhood has now been reduced to a mild cold.
Stop by Ancora Coffee on King Street this afternoon starting at 5pm.Â We've got local musicians from Project M playing a free gig.Â If you're not familiar with Project M, it's time to get on board.Â We've got local musicians creating and performing original songs for the chance to get their music played on Triple M!Â Â Click here for more on Project M.
Last night, we had our first "Coffee House Jam" and a good crowd was there to watch Anna Laube, Keefe Klug, Corey Hart and Paul Mitch all perform.Â Tonight we'll several performances including Beth Kille, Jimmie Linville and Heather Jean Maywood.
Come out and enjoy some delicious drinks including the new Project Miel ice coffee drink.Â You'll be addicted after one sip!
Today the Rolling Stones re-release their classic album "Exile on Main Street".Â What's even more classic to me isÂ the band's drummer, Charlie Watts.Â I've always been fascinated with him.
Why?Â There are several reasons:
1) He is beyond cool.Â He is the drummer for the biggest band in the history of rock and roll and yet it appears his real love is jazz music.Â Along with drummer for the Stones and making albums for the last 40 years, he has done tons of jazz projects too.
2) He's been married to the same woman since 1964.Â Â It's hard enough for everyday people with everyday jobs to stay married these days.Â Think of all the temptations Watts had while on the road?!Â Perhaps, this should have been first on the list.
3) He has amazing taste in clothes.Â Â Â Just a few years ago Vanity FairÂ added him International Best Dressed List Hall of Fame.Â Watts' idol when it comes to fashion is Fred Astaire.
4) He doesn't take crap from anyone even Mick Jagger.Â Â There is a story (hopefully it's true) that Jagger once called Watts in the middle of the night during a tour.Â Jagger supposedly said, "Where's my drummer?".Â Â Watts shaved, put on suit and tie and then went down to Jagger's room and punched him in the face.Â Legend has it that Watts said, "I'm not your drummer!Â You're my singer!"Â Brilliant.
5) He's clean and sober...most of the time.Â Watts saidÂ he had a problem with drugs and alcoholÂ between 1983 and 1986 but otherwiseÂ everything in moderation.Â Amazing and almost unbelievable considering the Stones basically have had access to any kind of drugs.
He loves jazz, he is faithful to his wife, he dresses well, he doesn't take crap from anyone and he doesn't use drugs.
Charlie Watts, you are my hero.
Remember how the guy who voices the Geico commercial (not the Gecko) got in trouble for crank calling some members of a Tea Party group called Freedom Works. He's put a little more thought into his latest attack. I only wish he would have done this first.
Thousands of students will be graduating from the UW this weekend and the vast majority won't remember the speech given by the speaker at the ceremony. I don't remember who spoke at my graduation. Do you remember yours?
However, there is one speech everyone should hear. Several years ago, Chicago Tribune columinst Mary Schmich wrote what she thought would be the perfect graduation speech. She was right. Her speech is brilliant. It reads like something Kurt Vonnegut would write. In fact, many people thought Vonnegut (one of my favorite authors) gave it as a commencement speech.
It's so good that it was made into an amazing spoken word song. I listen to it at least two or three times a year. Enjoy.
Pat is usually the one who talks about all the cool biking stuff going on around the Madison area, but our friends at the Capital Brewery have an awesome event on Saturday that I wanted to tell you about.Â
Here's the description from the Capital Brewery for the 2nd annual Restoring Hope Ride which benefits the Restoring Hope Transplant House:
Funds raised at this event will help to finish the much-needed home renovations that are required in order to welcome transplant patients and their caregivers to their new emotionally and financially supportive home-away-from-home.The course start and finish line will be located near the Transplant House at Capital Brewery in downtown Middleton and offer three bike courses from a fun family course to a course for more serious bikers. Food, drinks and live music will also be part of the fun at Capital Brewery.Click here to find out more.Â Â Â It's supposed to be sunny and 70 degrees on Saturday.Â Â Taking part in the Restoring Hope Ride is a perfect way to spend part of your weekend!
Did you hear an Australian physicist found an error in the dictionary that's goes back 100 years?!Â The story from AFP says:
University of Queensland academic Stephen Hughes found that entries for the word 'siphon' incorrectly said atmospheric pressure is the force that allows the device to move liquids from one place to another."It is gravity that moves the fluid in a siphon, with the water in the longer downward arm pulling the water up the shorter arm," he said
It's amazing that something like that could go unnoticed for so long.Â I know a lot of kids aren't that interest in science these days, but come on!Â I decided to take a look in the dictionary myself and see if there were other mistakes.Â Â I was shocked to find so many.Â Here are just a couple:
Democracy:government by the people; a form of government in which the supreme power is vested in the people and exercised directly by them or by their elected agents under a free electoral system.
Let's be honest.Â It probably should be:
Democracy:A government in which the richÂ and big business tend to benefit more than the commonÂ putz.
How about this one:
Department of Motor Vehicles:enhances traffic safety through the testing and monitoring of drivers; protects identity by ensuring the integrity of DMV's database and the integrity of the licensing, identification, and registration documents it issues.
You know this is how it should read:
Department of Motor Vehicles: A black hole whereÂ no one can hear you scream.
Maybe it's time we check all the words in the dictionary!
This morning as Kitty and I chatted with NBC 15's Charlie Shortino he talked about getting the WRONG envelope for the Mother's Day card he was sending out.Â The envelope was too small.Â I'm not sure how he didn't notice before buying the card, but that's typical Shortino.
I used to have a problem with getting the wrong card for my mom, but it had nothing to do with the envelope .Â I used to buy my mom cards that were blank inside and then I wouldÂ write my own message.Â Sometimes it would be corny and sometimes it would be short and sweet.Â However, I finally figured out that no matter what I wrote it wasn't as smooth as the professional card writers.
Jerry Seinfeld has made jokes about this in his stand-up act.Â Â Seinfeld says, "Here mom.Â Here's a note written by a complete stranger about how much I love you."
I've found the key is finding a card written by a complete stranger that says what I want to say but in a much better way then I could ever do it.Â Â It actually takes a bit of time to find a pre-written card that's exactly right.Â It may even take more time then writing something myself.
A few years ago, I tracked down one of the writers of greeting cards.Â His name is Ethan.Â I really admired his work and asked if he could call my mom some time and say nice things.Â He said he would be glad and called the next day.Â They chatted for almost two hours.
A few days later I called home and my dad answered.Â He told me he had chatted with Ethan as well and that "Ethan seems like such a nice young man".Â My dad went on to say that Ethan didn't complain about an 11pm curfew.
I tried to remind my dad that I complained about the curfew when I was in high school more than 20 years ago!
He reminded me that I still bring it up.Â I guess he's right, but I hadn't brought it up in the last few weeks!Â Come on, dad!
I got really concerned when I found out Ethan moved in with my folks.Â I recently started a part-time job at a greeting card factory in hopes of writing greeting cards.Â Right now they just have me sweeping the floors, but just you wait.Â I'll eventually start writing and Ethan will get lazy and buy a card I wrote and give it to my mom and she'll love it.Â He'll have to admit he didn't write it and that's when I'll make my move.Â Before you know it, I'll be back home in that awesome twin bed with the Bugs Bunny sheets.Â Ha ha!
Although I will have to do something about that 11pm curfew.
Think of all the nice things mom has done for you over the years.
1) Changed your diaper
2) Cut the crusts off your sandwich
3) Pretended like the crappy art work you made was really good
4) Applauded your performance as Tree #2 in the school play
And all those things were before you were even 10 years old!
So what should you get mom this Sunday?Â You forgot it's Mother's Day?Â Shame on you.Â Don't worry!Â I've got an easy solution.Â Just click PROFLOWERS and send mom a dozen roses for just $19.99.Â The folks at Proflowers will even provide a glass vase.Â Be sure to click on the microphone in the upper right hand corner and type in my name, JONATHAN because that's how you get the great deal of just $19.99.Â Don't worry, I won't tell your mom that you forgot about her until the last minute. She'll never know and she'll be so happy to get the flowers that our guaranteed to stay fresh for at least seven days.
Do it now.Â After all, mom was the one who had to wash your dirty underwear all those years!
I can't believe people are upset that a kid got tasered after running on the field at a Phillies game. Steve Consalvi is 17 and was at the game the other night. He decided to call his dad and ask if it was a good idea to run out on the field. His dad, Wayne discouraged him but apparently not enough. Steve ran out on the field and got tased. Good. He deserved it and the police should probably go to his house and tase the dad too. Not really, but why is anyone defending this kid?
I've been to hundreds of baseball games in my life and I've wanted to run out on the field too. Pretty much everyone wants to run out on the field. I've joked with my friends about running out on the field, but in the end you don't do it.
It would probably be better if the security guards were in better shape and could have just caught him, but I don't think they were out of line.
I'm sure it will be quite some time before someone thinks about running on the field again any time soon at least in Philadelphia.
I got an e-mail today from someone complaining because Facebook is becoming less and less private. Facebook is starting to use your information in order to target specific ads in your direction.
Why is anyone surprised? In fact, I'm surprised it took them this long to do it. In the end, it's all about making money. The guys from Facebook are allowed to make a living. I'm surprised they didn't charge everyone to join.
When the telephone was invented, everyone didn't get free phone service. The same goes for electricity or telegrams. I don't think the dude who invented Facebook cares about your private life, he just wants to figure out a way to make money with his invention and I say more power to him.
If you want to be private then don't open up a Facebook account or perhaps there should be an option to pay a monthly fee and then your info will be kept completely private.
Remember, it's all about making money. For good or bad, that's the American way.
Lindsay and I saw The Lion King last night at Overture Center.
I don't want to build it up too much, but IT WAS SPECTACULAR!!Â It's hard to believe that a full-length animated film could be turned into a live stage musical. You don't normally think of Broadway actors playing the roll of grass or trees, but it happened in this show.Â You don't picture a Broadway dancer playing the roll of a giraffe and making it look real, but it happened here.
There were plenty of younger kids in the audience sitting near us and they were mesmerized through the entire show and quite honestly so was I.
Go see The Lion King!