social icons WMMM twitterfacebook RSS facebook twitter RSS Center

Jonathan Suttin

What does Jonathan have to say?



Are You There God? It's Me, Jonathan

For years and years athletes have been praising a higher power whenever they have success on the field.  Many baseball players will kiss the tips of their fingers and then point to the sky.  Many football players thank the Lord in post game interviews for helping them win the game. I've always thought this was a little strange because does it mean that this higher power hates the other team?  If the Dallas Cowboys have a miracle play at the end of the game does this mean  God is a Cowboys' fan?  Really?  He can do better than that. One NFL player has finally blamed the Lord for his mistake on the field.  Steve Johnson dropped a game winning catch for the Buffalo Bills in overtime.  If he would have caught the ball, the Bills would have upset Pittsburgh.  That really would have been a miracle.   Johnson was so upset after the game he sent this unholy Tweet. Bravo Mr. Johnson.  You're right.  How  could the Good Lord above let this happen?  Well, we here at Jonathan's Jabberings have arranged an interview with The Big Guy to find out why. Me:  Hello Lord.  I know you're busy, but thanks for taking a few moments to talk with me. Lord: Yes, Jonathan.  It's my pleasure. Me: So, God.  How could you let Steve Johnson drop that pass?  Don't you like him? Lord:  Let's be honest.  He plays for the Buffalo Bills.  I don't really have a big problem with the team except for O.J.  I can't believe that guy got away with that.  Residents there have enough problems just living in Buffalo.  Creating Buffalo was not one of my best achievements. Me: Didn't they lose four Super Bowls in a row back in the early 90's? Lord: Yes but that had to do completely with their quarterback Jim Kelly.  When he was a 15-year-old he asked me to help him kiss Jenny Deanstag.  She was a girl in his English class.  His exact words were: "Lord, if you can just help me get a little tongue time with Jenny.  I'll never ask you for anything ever again." Me: So... Lord: He got his make out session with Jenny, but it cost him four Super Bowls. Me: Pretty hefty price. Lord: I know.  Here's the best part.  After making out with Jim she realized she didn't really like boys and she's been "playing for the otherside" ever since.  Which I fully endorse by the way. Me:  On a side note, do you watch me while I'm sleeping like Santa Claus? Lord: Aren't you Jewish? Me: Yes. Lord: So Santa doesn't stop at your house no matter if you're naughty or nice. Me: Good point. Lord: Anyway, I don't really have time to watch you. I'm too busy watching all these other sports where athletes are constantly asking me for help.  I've got soccer, football, baseball and basketball.  And that's  just on a pro level. Me: What about hockey? Lord: Are they still playing that professionally?  Anyway, I've got all the college sports and high school sports and little leagues to pay attention to all at once.  I mean I am God, but come on.  There's only so much I can do. Me: I understand. Lord: So you have to understand I didn't have time to pay attention to Steve Johnson's dropped pass. Me: So you're saying it wasn't your fault.  You had nothing to do with it?  It was all in Johnson's hands or not in his hands in this case? Lord:  No, I actually had bet on Pittsburgh.

Tags :  
Social :


Share This: | More


 
11/29/2010 5:14PM
Are You There God? It's Me, Jonathan
Please Enter Your Comments Below
11/30/2010 6:00AM
Gary T
Killer punch line
12/05/2010 9:17PM
Anna
Amazing!
Title :
Comment :
Listen Live (WMMM)
Playlist (WMMM)
Activate With M
Submit
World's Worst iPod: Hall & Oates "Method of Modern Love"
Hall & Oates had a lot of great hits in the 1970s and 1980s, and if you believe a lot of folks, this is NOT one of them! This song with its amazing spelling lesson hook made it all the way to #5 on the charts in February of 1985. We're a little...
Read More
Will this be Clapton's last record?
Eric Clapton definitely has retirement in mind. He hinted to Rolling Stone recently that he may quit touring and recording, and only play for family and friends. We can look forward to at least one more new Clapton record before he hangs up his Strat...
Read More
World's Worst iPod: Olivia Newton John "Please Mr. Please"
Olivia Newton-John was all over the radio in the 1970s, with hits that included "Have You Never Been Mellow," "If You Love Me (Let Me Know)" and of course those songs from the movie "Grease." But not a lot of people had good memories about "Please...
Read More
Mayflies: faschinating, or horrifying? You decide.
The mayflies were out in full force over the past couple days. Now I've heard about these insects over the years, but have never experienced a mayfly swarm. I think I'm pretty happy about that. Apparently the mayflies were so thick they...
Read More
Free downloads: The Bayonets
If you were listening to Triple M on the morning of Thursday July 17th, you may have thought somehow we slipped back to 1965. But it wasn't an old song we were playing--it was a brand new one from the Los Angeles band the Bayonets, called "Crash...
Read More
RIP Johnny Winter--that guy sure could play
"For me, blues is a necessity." That's a quote from blues guitar great Johnny Winter, who died on Wednesday in Zurich, Switzerland. He came to prominence in the late 1960's after he was featured in a story in Rolling Stone magazine, put out 20...
Read More
World's Worst iPod: Information Society "What's On Your Mind (Pure Energy)"
There's something about the allure of Star Trek that made this song by Information Society extra special. It went all the way to #9 on the charts in 1988 for the band based in St. Paul, Minnesota. According to wikipedia, the band got the...
Read More
It's not *that* kind of pool party! ~ Stevi
Pool party's are the best! ...Until someone decides to drive a vehicle in for a swim. Someone should have told her Jeeps don't make good pool toys, and aren't boyant. Check it out, it'll make you feel better about that time you walked out...
Read More
 
Recent Blog Posts
World's Worst iPod: Hall & Oates "Method of Modern Love"
Hall & Oates had a lot of great hits in the 1970s and 1980s, and if you believe a lot of folks, this is NOT one of them! This song with its amazing spelling lesson hook made it all the way to #5 on the charts in February of 1985. We're a little...
Read More
Will this be Clapton's last record?
Eric Clapton definitely has retirement in mind. He hinted to Rolling Stone recently that he may quit touring and recording, and only play for family and friends. We can look forward to at least one more new Clapton record before he hangs up his Strat...
Read More
World's Worst iPod: Olivia Newton John "Please Mr. Please"
Olivia Newton-John was all over the radio in the 1970s, with hits that included "Have You Never Been Mellow," "If You Love Me (Let Me Know)" and of course those songs from the movie "Grease." But not a lot of people had good memories about "Please...
Read More
Mayflies: faschinating, or horrifying? You decide.
The mayflies were out in full force over the past couple days. Now I've heard about these insects over the years, but have never experienced a mayfly swarm. I think I'm pretty happy about that. Apparently the mayflies were so thick they...
Read More
Free downloads: The Bayonets
If you were listening to Triple M on the morning of Thursday July 17th, you may have thought somehow we slipped back to 1965. But it wasn't an old song we were playing--it was a brand new one from the Los Angeles band the Bayonets, called "Crash...
Read More
RIP Johnny Winter--that guy sure could play
"For me, blues is a necessity." That's a quote from blues guitar great Johnny Winter, who died on Wednesday in Zurich, Switzerland. He came to prominence in the late 1960's after he was featured in a story in Rolling Stone magazine, put out 20...
Read More
World's Worst iPod: Information Society "What's On Your Mind (Pure Energy)"
There's something about the allure of Star Trek that made this song by Information Society extra special. It went all the way to #9 on the charts in 1988 for the band based in St. Paul, Minnesota. According to wikipedia, the band got the...
Read More
It's not *that* kind of pool party! ~ Stevi
Pool party's are the best! ...Until someone decides to drive a vehicle in for a swim. Someone should have told her Jeeps don't make good pool toys, and aren't boyant. Check it out, it'll make you feel better about that time you walked out...
Read More
Categories
Archives